It just keeps getting worse!

The jealousy delusions abated and we were just dealing with paranoid delusions. But now, things have gotten so much worse. My husband imagined that he had some sort of relationship with a young woman half his age (she has absolutely no interest in him). He's been emailing her and asking her to have a permanent relationship wtih him. She told our pastor and the police who both called him yesterday and she sent me copies of his emails. I am just devastated. The last thing I thought I had to worry about was his faithfulness.

The only bright spot is he has agreed to counseling but insists the whole thing is just a misunderstanding. He doesn't think anything is wrong with what he did and some sort of polygamy is normal. I was so upset, I told my kids all about it, even the 10 year old. They all understand what my husband did wrong and the older ones are really disgusted with their father and want me to leave him. Although she and the pastor are understanding and want us (my husband doesn't go to church) to continue coming to church, we are all so humiliated. I don't think I can look the few people who know in the eye at this point.

I haven't felt this sick to my stomach in a long time. If I didn't have to get up for my kids and job I would stay in bed and pull the blankets over my head. I could use an encouraging word if anyone has one.

Dee

Dee,
You have nothing to be humiliated about - you have done nothing wrong. It is the illness that is making your husband believe his outlandish thoughts and neither of you are any more at fault for that than you would be if he came down with any other disease. The BIG difference though is that you may very well end up divorced because of this illness, because, as spouses, you have to have trust and shared values to maintain your relationship, and once these delusions become fixed and permanent, this may well be impossible, even with treatment.
After I left my husband, it was with profound saddness, not anger, and I found I had more in common with widows than other divorced women. We were ending a marrage where neither of us had done anything wrong - even though my husband did not know that, and nearly 4 years later, still does not know that. The only feelings me and the rest of the family now feel towards him is just pity. It is a rotten shame what happened to him, and, by extension, to me and our kids.
When my husband's delusions first manifested themselves, and I did not understand Delusional Disorder, I argued, yelled, pleaded, attempted to reason with him, all, of course, to no avail. But after some time of dealing with psychiatrists, anti-psychotic meds, going on and off treatments, I realized that he was no longer the man I married & he simply was not living in the same reality as the rest of us, and never would be.
I wish I could give you encouragement that your husband will recover, but all I can say is that you will survive & be strong for your children, because you must. It's what we spouses do. I and my kids are a family, and we still have good relations with my ex's family. You are in for some difficult times, things may get worse than they are now, but in the end, whether your husband gets, and stays with treatment and begins to have rational enough thoughts that your marriage survives, or whether you and he divorce, it will get better.