Remission! There is hope (Jealous Type)

I used to come here a lot and I posted quite a bit when we where in the throws of it. We where "thisclose" to divorce. Our timeline goes a little like this:
Feb 06: demons where attacking him, he was hearing and seeing them
July 06: our daughter was stillborn at 16weeks
September 06: first delusional meltdown accused of cheating and had our son as a result
November: online paternity test and diagnosed with DDTJ by a crappy Psychiatrist that threw Risperdol at him (as a tranquilizer???) and no follow-up, only took meds for 4 days
He also had a breakdown so bad he ended up at the ER for an eval, they blamed it all on our stillbirth
January 07: online paternity test had to have been altered by me, things got way worse
February 07: finally got in to see a fantastic Psychiatrist that dx'd him immediately, put him on Geodon, and saw him 2x a week for a couple of months
Feb-May 07: things got really, really, really bad. Dr. did not think he would get better. Prognosis was awful. We called the divorce lawyers.
May: last ditch effort to save our marriage his mom paid for him to have a paternity test done at a private lab. He and his brother took our son. I still have no idea where they went or any other details except that it showed that he IS his.
first week of May: the last delusional meltdown, very minor compared to the others.
May-present day. Not one single delusion. He is on the lowest dose of his medication, he sees his Psychiatrist every 3 months, and his prognosis is fantastic. His Psychiatrist is thrilled, we are thrilled. He still doesn't have what I would call "insight" but he takes his medication religiously and is 100% again. He is fantastic. The doc said that worse-case we'll have to adjust meds at some point but for now we should live our lives fully and not let the past cloud it. Fortunately the duration was short enough that we have been able to do just that. He never talks about it, nor do I, but the anxiety, delusions, hallucinations, depression, etc. are all gone.

I just wanted to share this because I reached the point of NO hope. No one could tell me he could get better. His psychiatrist told us it would take a "shot of hail mary" well, I guess we got just that. I truly believe early intervention is the only reason he is better, his dad had it so I knew to get him help. I wish there was more "out there" about it, I think it is far more prevelant then anyone realizes because of the lack of knowledge that it exists. To those still in the throws, the darkness is horrendous and I wish I could take away all your pain. I have been there. We lost our child and mere weeks we where thrown into this tailspin. It was absolute hell. I have no idea how we all survived it, but we have. I wish everyone had the same outcome. I know with all my heart that medication made the difference, and we got to the doctor in the nick of time, every day the delusions where taking him over more and more. Hang in there. Be good to yourself, you are all you've got!!! If you need to seperate, DO IT. We did several times. It helps to get away from it. It can consume you if you don't. Most of all, love yourself enough to know when. I wish all of you the absolute best. Truly.

I am really glad for you! There is so much out here that doesn't leave one with any hope, it is great to hear of a success story. Please, let us know how it is a year from now.

Hi, So happy things are working out. I am sure all of us will be keeping our fingers crossed. Please let us know if things change and I was going to say, also, give us an update in the future. You give us hope. Best Wishes!!

The update to this would take days to write out. The long and short of it; there is NO SUCH THING AS REMISSION. It does not exist. I fought for him for as long as I possibly could and all I got was crapped on. My kids are 6, 9, and 10 now. I am in school for nursing. They only see him 24 hours/week. It has deteriorated greatly esp. in the past month and a half. This illness is worse than cancer. It kills the soul, not the person. I had a lot of hope, I now have none. No reason to have any. It is a sad, sad world that I have been dealing with for 4 years and 5 mths. RUN. Don't look back.

lovingwife,

So sorry about the recent turn of events! I read the posts from the beginning and saw that your situation was looking so hopeful. Just one question: did your husband get off the meds and then deteriorate or did he go downhill in spite of the meds? The best to you and your children.

MrSicily

lovingwife wrote:There is NO SUCH THING AS REMISSION. It does not exist.

Thank you so much for taking time to post an update. I've been struggling with "What ifs" for several years. The biggest was "what if" I would of tried harder in making him take his anti-psychotic meds. He only took them for a few days... and totally thought that I was the one that should be taking them regardless of what the doctors prescribed for his DDJ diagnosis.

When I saw your post from 2007, the "what ifs" surfaced again. So thank you, thank you, thank you, for taking time to write the update. In my heart of hearts I believe there is NO cure for this horrendous disease. I agree it's worse than cancer. It eats away and kills every bit of life within the person, yet doesn't stop them from existing.

In the end, no one wins. Divorce was the best and only choice for me. It's been 5 years since our divorce was final. Today, I let him visit our 4 daughter who were only 2 months, 4 years, 9 & 10, when this hit us like a ton of bricks in 2000. I do this out of compassion for the man I once loved and for who he was. I've made it clear to him that he cannot insult or threaten me, because if he does, I will call the police. We've had one or two instances but the majority of the time he keeps it under control... But I'm always wondering what's lurking in the darkness of his mind.

Good luck, God bless, and thanks for sharing your update.

P.S. I also wonder the same about the Meds as Mr. Sicily mentioned.

s

I am sorry to generalize....this is my experience after fighting the good fight for years and having to realize (and accept) that the man I married died.

there will be no funeral
there is no closure.

I had to take custody of the kids away in January. He started to hear voices and he took a knife to his coffee table and started whittling to "keep calm". He can no longer work. he is within an inch of being homeless yet refuses to set up long term disability. A few signatures and it would be done. He refuses. He left a stranger a $500 tip and he is now over $300 in the hole. I will lose the house because he can no longer pay child support and there is NOTHING anyone can do to save him. Our mental health system is a joke.

I let him see the kids last weekend, at the park, because one of my children is grieving so much for their Daddy. He awkwardly played with them for 10 minutes and then he was done. I have a child with severe asthma that I am literally trying to keep alive. He is completely absent of any connection to any of us. He tried to pay for the voice in his head to go to the movies when he went w/ his brother.

He is insidiously sick.

YES, I agree that he was incredibly abusive and toxic. If he hadn't been I NEVER would have left but when someone emotionally beats you down and yanks the rug out from under you over and over you have to save yourself or sink with them. We have a court date soon and I will get sole custody and pray the courts can order him some help.

The what-if's are killer. I will keep trying to help him stay off the streets. If he still ends up there...then there is nothing more I can do. He destroyed our family. He is now destroying any chance at a relationship with his kids-and he does not care. The voices are his reality. We no longer matter.

So, everyone who has a spouse with DDJ, fight the good fight, but realize you have an uphill battle. He went off meds in '09 (not sure when exactly). He was NEVER the man I married after his first psychotic break (Sept. 06). That man was gone. What was left with meds I could somewhat deal with. The man off meds is a dangerous stranger as far as I am concerned. He has no regard for reality, only his mind.

It is a horrendous journey. My heart TRULY breaks for every single man and woman that has been where I have been.

Just one last update. He has now been diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder. I had him brought in, with the help of his psychologist, on a Certificate of Evaluation. He went willingly.

he is very

very

VERY sick.

More sick than I have ever seen him.

He is NOT sick enough to be committed.

Our mental health system is a tragic mess. I am disgusted and sad.

Thanks so much for the update. I'm not familiar with Schizoaffective Disorder. Is there more hope than with a delusional disorder? Is there treatment available? I think the fact that he went willingly is very positive and pray that he will get the help he needs.

P.S. I agree with your thoughts on our mental health system.