Another day, another delusion

Hello all:
Another stressful day today, irrigating the farm. Up at 3 a.m. my husband did not catch the voice mail from the irrigation manager yesterday, saying we might not get to irrigate today. So he stressed about that and was angry “why didn’t he keep calling until he got a hold of me.” I just say “I don’t know” to most of what he asks. Why didn’t my husband actually check his phone during the day to see if the irrigation manger had any updates. Taking care of details just isn’t his thing.
So we do actually have enough water to irrigate, and he gets started. Water going everywhere, and as usual he leaves it on WAY too long so we have a flood. As we were walking through the back cow pens, I point out that the water in the drain ditch looks like it;s going to overflow into the cow pen. I might as well have hit him. He blew up and said I was always criticizing him, etc. etc. the usual yelling and screaming. He left and went into the house and later to check the water. I finished my work outside and then left for town to do some errands.
He texts me, saying “I bet I know where you’re going”. Implying I’m running off to have sex with Albert. It’s where his mind always goes. I feel sorry for poor Albert who has no idea my husband has this bizarre idea about him.
Can someone please explain why he has a one-way thought process on this????
Frankly I am so turned off about sex because he’s focused on it, and he uses it as a weapon. We haven’t even tried to have sex in months. He does have ED and says he needs to fantasize to “encourage” him. I’ve told him I don’t want to hear all that crazy stuff, but what he does in his own head is his business.
So I get home hours later and he acts like nothing’s wrong. I’m so done with this charade. Is this any way to live?
I’m not really expecting an answer, just hoping that writing it down makes me feel better.

Aggie78 wrote:I’m not really expecting an answer, just hoping that writing it down makes me feel better.

Hugs, if wanted- and yes we understand. Writing can be very helpful, if nothing else just to get it out.

Perhaps you'd like to start a blog in that case?

blog/Aggie78/

Alternatively, we have the Journal Threads:
online-journals/

The difference in them is you need to ask a mod first who'll start a journal thread for you, whereas a person can start their blog without prior notice; also in the journals, you can specify whether you want replies, or not. Occasionally someone will want to journal without people replying back to them.

However, both the open-forum journals, and the blogs, are always moderated before being published- including replies. So inappropriate replies will always get intercepted in either event.

A blog or journal thread gives a person the freedom to talk about whatever they want whether it's on topic or not- and the blogs in particular, I'm the mod who usually approves those posts and I'll cut folks a little slack with content, as long as they're not grossly abusing the forum rules on content.

We have a venting forum for people with the serious need to screed, but those are locked by the mod team and don't allow replies whatsoever- they're more of a one-off thing, rather than keeping a running stream of thought like a blog or journal post.

Thanks, Snaga. The blog sounds like a great idea.

Aggie78 wrote:Thanks, Snaga. The blog sounds like a great idea.

I found it helpful- usually too busy on here doing adminy stuff these days but I used to blog quite regularly.