Wife with Delusional Disorder refuses treatment...help

I'm not sure how this works but I will get right to the point.

My wife had been experiencing some major paranoia since the 2020 election began, and she got caught up in the whole Q-Anon phenomenon.

Since then she's had many delusions running through the whole Delusional Disorder spectrum (Grandiose, Jealous, Persecutory & Somatic). She's been in residential treatment twice (voluntarily) in the last two months, but each time she refuses treatment and medication.

She thinks I am an enemy of the state and wants me to leave the house and leave my kids with her. Each day we are all walking on eggshells. It is obvious she's trying very hard to hide her symptoms and I am hurting because I can only imagine what's going on in her head, as are my kids.

I do not know what to do...how to get her to seek help...and how to get her to accept medications.

I would love to hear some suggestions or learn about how you were able to get your spouse/friend/family member to seek help.

Thank you in advance!!

This last week since she came home has been difficult on the whole family. It's not that she is violent or having any obvious delusions that we know of, she's just living as if I weren't there. For example, she just throws my clean laundry in a pile, makes everyone else's dinner plates but not mine; not that I care but we used to do these things for each other and I still do. She contradicts everything I say to the kids even if it's not in their best interest, just to make me look like I am in the wrong; the kids can see through it and even question her about it. She just has nothing for me and it's hard not to take it personal, I know its the illness and she's probably dealing with what Dr. Xavier Amador calls anosognosia (the inability to realize you're sick).

Every time I talk to the kids she stops and makes sure she can hear what I say, she believes I am turning them against her. She still wants me to leave the marriage, believing she will get full custody of the kids because I am at fault and I'm causing this mental anguish she is experiencing. This too is really affecting the kids. I have them in counseling but I don't know where to draw the line before I remove them from the situation because she is refusing treatment and wants to take the holistic, naturopathic route without the us of medicine.

Everything I read says that this route doesn't work for Delusional Disorders. I know what the answer is but I wish I could speak to someone who's gone through this! getting a counselor in my area seems to be impossible as I get no call backs and when I do, no one is taking on new patients because of covid, go figure.

Hello, and welcome to the forums!

Ordinarily threads like this might be posted in Significant Others, but a lot do go ahead and get approved for here, since it seems so few people (we do have a few) with the disorder actually are aware enough (or possible just honest enough with themselves) to post here.

Well it sounds as if she's found a new twist on the Silent Treatment, hasn't she? Despite my avatar, I'm bio male, and I been on the wrong end of that before- I sympathise. But ofc the big difference here is that it goes far beyond thinking your spouse is in the wrong.

And she's caught up in political mess. We're not allowed to talk about politics directly, in PF- but as an accessory to what's going on, it's going to be next to impossible to not talk some about it. No matter which side of the political divide she's on, if she got caught up in that Q-anon stuff, well, my sympathies. I can well imagine- either on the one hand, you're hanging onto false hope from Q about how the damn cavalry is just around the corner to save us and the arrests are going to start at any time- or you're on the other side convinced a bunch of racists are about to stage a violent coup. Both are, in my eyes, equally delusional. I had to quit looking at social media because I couldn't sit on my hands any longer and wanted to start hollering at folks to just shut the hell up already.

So, you're an enemy of... whatever her version of Freedom is. I really don't know how you can win that battle- it's hard enough among people who don't have DD.

I'm just a mod here- well sometimes I think I borderline on having some mild delusion because of my OCD (which can occasionally stray into territory that's a bit 'out there'). But most of the stories I've read in the forums from spouses of DD, it doesn't seem to go well.

Sort of like dealing with some of the personality disorders- I'm thinking OCPD in particular- they're the ones who are right, everyone else is doing it wrong and that's all there is to it- I used to have some Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (which is definitely different than OCD, the two are sometimes confused by people) traits at work- it was we must do it my way, or the world was going to ######6 end. And when you're down in that, you can't see it. There's just little to no self-awareness of it. And it's like my OCD rituals that I've had sometimes, that border on outright delusion. It's like part of me knows this is bullcrap, but.... but but but.... but at the same time, it's real and I must act on what I think will prevent what I am convinced will happen if I don't. I have to drive to work a certain route. I even have to listen to the 'right' music. I have to think the 'right' thoughts. And calamity will ensue if I don't. And I can write with intellectual honesty about it all day long in forum, but I'll go right back to acting that way, only stopping it with effort.

Because when you're caught up in it, it's awfully hard to get out of it- and this is from someone that merely flirts with delusion- as far as I know. I mean, I know I already tend to it- would I know if I was seriously delusional? By the very nature of it... no of course I wouldn't.

So it's probably one of the most uphill battles I have observed significant others with, here in PF. It seems to be hell on steroids to get someone to where they will admit that just maybe it's not everyone else, but it's them, and seeing a professional and taking some meds really is in their best interest.

I'll add I have a lot of respect and admiration for the folks with DD who DO post in this forum, even though they're caught up in it, they're... able to understand on some level 'hey I know this is wrong with me and I'm trying to counter it'. I don't know if that's the majority, or the minority, of folks with DD.

Hi KidKrysko,
I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this. You are very wise to have the kids receiving counseling. Talking with their counselor about whether to move them out of the environment is probably a good idea.
It does look like your wife is trying to force you to leave by treating you so badly.
For the last 2 years, my husband’s delusions have gotten worse. When it gets bad, I tell him that his brain is playing tricks with him, and that what he believes is not real. I printed out his ex-wife’s obit, to counter his belief that she was alive and following him. I printed out articles on Delusional Disorder and the contact info for our insurance’s behavioral health clinic. I have done this a few times. The last time, I found that he actually saved the printouts! I was very encouraged that he might be starting to believe I have a better grasp on reality than he does.
But all this has come with angry words, yelling, extreme discomfort in the relationship and much emotional distress. I can’t imagine doing all this with children involved. A discussion with the kids’ counselor about how to have honest conversations with your wife, when the kids are likely to overhear, might help.
Unless your wife gets help, your marriage may not survive. Consider speaking with an attorney so you know your legal options in this situation.

That is a tough situation but one that you can overcome. I left my spouse because of her delusions and, after a serious legal proceeding that is ongoing, got full custody of all of our kids. The environment you describe is very unhealthy for your kids. If your wife is unhealthy and you are staying with her, there is a very good chance that you also are unhealthy. Get a good lawyer and a good therapist and do whatever you need to do to protect your kids from further harm. Good luck.