Growing Hope - The Gratefulness Thread

Today I'm grateful for thoughtful coworkers and KC comedians who move to NYC to grow. Maybe the whole comedy scene needs to be exported for development. I'm so excited that a slot will open up. I just hope he survives his transformation process. The jokes about male rage against the weatherman in the '90s and how Jesus Christ is like a frat boy may find it tough in NYC... It *might not be relatable without educating the audience on the Midwestern point of view. Maybe he'll grow and it won't be an issue. I just wouldn't want to be a white dude from Kansas City trying to make it in NYC as a comedian. All my female comedian friends are still engaged with workshopping material via zoom and will be until things open back up.

I'm grateful for the weather today, but the morning sucked. I'm thankful my daughter's okay, but thieves bashed in the passenger side window rather than causing more damage. I guess that was *almost considerate of the thief who stole my daughter's homework and school laptop. The security guard at school had the job of watching all the parking lot videos today. She was looking for the footage about what happened. I'm wondering what they found. They said this has never happened before. I'm feeling the weight of karma. I'll follow up tomorrow.

On the upside, I'm grateful to my friend who follows twitter for special article requests as topics and sent me an interview request for an article about orgasmic labor in a magazine. I am the voice of what not to do and how to protect and guard yourself for a positive mental health outcome. We'll see if the journalist likes my perspective on why women should be cautious.

I'm thankful for sick time, vacation time, and all the people willing to listen to my bits.

I tried a new set this week at an open mic. I thought it was funny. I laugh every time I think of it. I wrote about Victorian eroticism and something I saw the club owner do that I thought was adorable. I was so nervous up on stage that my set went fell mostly flat. But from my point of view, it was perfect.

I'm a divorced mom from Overland Park. Our home is typical: Four bedrooms with two dogs who piss everywhere.
- Thank God for tile flooring, weewee pads, and bleach.

When I'm not working, mothering, or picking up after the dogs, then I’m working on romance.

• I even tried making an audio story
• and acting it out with my partner.
• That was fun, But it's a lot of work.
o You know, it's kind of like this,
o Only this would be the solo version.

I mean, why would I want a boyfriend when I can date, right?
• Like when I met a guy up north of town, who arrived so drunk, I had to send him home in an Uber and escape the other direction.
• Then there's the guy who called every morning at 4 am with problems.
• My favorite was the Nigerian scammer.
o He wanted – to send a box of cash.
o That's where I drew the line.

Enough about my dating life.
How many of you ladies can think of a time a man did something sexy while in casual conversation?
• Yeah, that's about what I expected. Nobody yet has said yes.
• But there is something about the masks I have to say.
• Masks are potentially bringing back Victorian Eroticism!
o Which is code for "mental porn."
o It's mysterious wearing a mask.
 When you lower your mask as you talk, it is potentially sexy until I realized it is also a potentially lethal violation.
• For this one man, I decided I wanted it to be an act of intimacy and trust.
• Which I thought was sexy for him, but not every man can get away with it. It's all about where my imagination wants to be.
o Either this man wanted to turn me on, like an '80s silhouette intrigue romance novel,
o Or the man thinks I'm hard of hearing.

- My time's up. Until next time, enjoy reading!

I'm grateful for professional comedians who are willing to share their gems with local aspiring comedians.

But today, there are some things that I'm just not Grateful about. I am not grateful that I feel ignored. I feel oppressed by the patriarchy.

Today was an annoying day, things just feel so controlled and in a bad way. Like the lights that turned off along the drive home. I haven't felt this much negativity before. This isn't sadness. This is irritation and anger. I had an energy healing recently, and all ties were removed. I'm feeling better if I wasn't so irritated about having other people's agendas forced upon us with programming that I don't agree with.

Plus, my plans for last week didn't get a text delivered until after I was already set in my course. That created a whole experience that I would have rather not had alone.

Tonight, the same thing happened with a phone call. They claimed the message only was received hours later.

Then, the post I'd submitted to the local news affiliate with a question for Dr. Oz asking about what is appropriate for a doctor to do during a women's health exam - My question got ignored.

Instead, Dr. Oz recommended caring for your heart health by praying and going to the bathroom to meditate.

That was the worst possible advice he could have given while ignoring my question. I literally can't think of a worse response.

My trauma happened in the middle of a snowstorm in the Spring of 2005 at a New Hampshire Hospital on a "birthing chair" commonly referred to as a toilet - during an exam while I was having orgasmic labor. The physician who was a medical student ###$ me up royally with his exam technique. What a bunch of idiots, both of them. Even if he didn't know how traumatic that is to try to meditate on the toilet, there is no worse answer that Dr. Oz could have given that could have been more inappropriate.

He should give up his appointment at Columbia. If he doesn't bother to research - or have his staff address important issues, he should get out of the way.

I should have expected he wouldn't know what appropriate behavior is because even Evelyn Yang (the presidential candidate Andrew Yang's wife) was abused by a Columbia Medical Doctor in NYC. If Dr. Oz was a good doctor he should have addressed the conversation about appropriate examination techniques during women's health exams. I'm tired of being ignored. It is time that this issue was addressed. I am very disappointed in him and my local news affiliate who failed to address my question, despite posting the video on their website. Their website claims it is on "Your side." I call bull $#%^. That is a joke. Kake can is full of $#%^. I should have known the News is fake and full of pointless non-medical advice. The thing is if he had said something useful, like set boundaries for women's health the heard of viewers probably would listen.

I think I'm remembering why I don't watch TV. I prefer my programing to be reality. I'm grateful I don't watch the crap they have on television.

No wonder Jeopardy contestants have gone on strike against Dr. Oz.

Love,
Not so Sunny - Sunny

Tonight I’m thankful for the new moon. As part of this brave time I am calling back my energy and working to disconnect from the trauma.

How can we scare Pluto?

By loving my way to healing.

What is a shadow tree that is becoming apparent and can be released permanently.

The anger for the physician is a shadow tree.

What are seeds of courage I should plant?

I’ll never love what happened and or how it impacted me and my relationship with my child, but I can be humanizing of the man who violated my sanctity. I am calling back my energy and unplug from the physician. My seed of courage is to heal without needing his assistance. Because he’s never given me love. Only sadness, and maybe some anger at times. I want more than that in my life. And to be honest my sisters card deck advised that until I’m fully healed I should not play with that card that represents betrayal.

At least that is what my sister told me when I thought the song on his playlist might be for me. She said I’m delusional and it’s really more of a mantra that applies to everyone today... change the world. She doesn’t believe in my delusional hope for love.

I know I need to heal and it is likely more practical to do it without the physician... I just don’t think she understands the way my feelings are invested in nurturing my well-being using the light from him to help me connect to the love from the universe... I’m learning to ground on my own. I know I can do it. It just feels good to love.

My dog found something to rub his back against. It is so adorable.

Last night two saved playlists were added to my YouTube profile. Lonely and souvenir. I never would have added those to my playlist. I mean it isn’t how I felt.

I went to bed early as I let youtube play a spiritual teaching from some channel I follow that is interesting, but a little out there. I’d skipped the comedy show id had a ticket for. I didn’t feel like laughing. I wanted to be alone with myself. I’m grateful that I enjoy time out on my own - I went out and have friends for when I feel like company either on the phone or in person.

As a response to the stray videos in my playlist, I added a playlist, souvenir and put a little song in there - company.

Today I'm grateful for the US postal service. Although, the mailbox key was misplaced and now I have to go pick up the mail at the post office...

I'm grateful for New Age books like Released that share the first-person narrative of a woman who experienced a trauma where she died and came back. Her thoughts on love and matriarchy are inspirational.

Today I'm grateful for my mom, who coordinated the installation of stylish light fixtures in the kitchen yesterday evening.

I'm grateful for work HR approving my CLEAN comedy set. I'll get to present about three minutes of content at an open mic zoom meeting ...

“I start by sharing my name and a little bit about myself…
· It's a good Kansas City name, right?

I recently went shopping for a new dress at a second-hand store.
- Did you know they make stores for comedians with plus sizes?
- I call it my sister's closet.

I'm a divorced mom who lives in .... Our home is typical:
- Four bedrooms
- Three beds
- Two dogs bark at everything, and pee everywhere.
- Thank Goodness for tile flooring, wee-wee pads, and bleach.
- My one teenager loves plants and hates my chewing sounds.
- I make smacking noises.
- Smack. Smack. Smack.
- And she says listening to me eat peanut butter is the worst.
- After she told me that I started to buy peanut butter from Costco in bulk.
But to be fair, her clay ball potting soil annoys me.
- She left an entire planter of the little rock balls on the rocking chair in the garage by my driver’s side door.
- When I bumped the rocking chair getting out of the car, the clay balls went everywhere.
- Every day in my tights and socks, I had to pick my way through geolite balls to take out the trash.
- Like I need one more thing to prevent me from taking out the trash.
- I mean, it took me a month to realize I could just plan some time to sweep it up.

I can't get enough about local news.
- So, in 2019 I ran for secretary of the Home Owner's Association the HOA in my neighborhood.
- Some news for you.
- I'm better at minutes than mowing.
- I figured I'd infiltrate, become secretary so I'll be the first to know if I'm getting a notice about my - lawn.

For entertainment, I don't use Netflix or Hulu.
- Instead, I call people and share the "latest and greatest."
- I prefer my reality programing to be actual reality.
I call my pick-up rate for telephone calls is my batting average.
- If I get three out of ten pick-ups, I'm still in the major leagues.
Anytime I need to up my average, I call my dad; he always picks up.
- Whether he's playing Bingo at the VFW
- or his dog is pooping in the Mayer's Yard.
He answers.

I'm still so happy about my new light fixtures in the kitchen. They say lighting is the jewelry of a home. My home is really beautiful. I'm thankful to be able to enjoy it.

I'm also thankful that I have a really great kid. She is growing into a nice young adult, and I like her friends, she has good people in her life. When I was out of town visiting my sister the other week, she scheduled brunch with her girlfriends rather than partying in the evenings. I think she saw healthy behaviors role modeled by her friend's parents when we lived in *mod edit* Brooklyn. Anyway, my kid makes me proud of her choices. She wants me to work out more, and I am thinking about it. Now that Honey's heartworms are treated and cured, she is going to be off exercise restriction in a week or two. I think I'll start going on long walks again.

Have you ever had someone share something that completely and inadvertently undoes your well-being? Every time I remember what he wrote I can’t help but feel emotional. My eyes have cried so much salt that my lips taste like I’m swimming in the ocean.

It’s just, this past weekend I wished so hard that I had a nice, kind, and funny husband in my life to be with me and enjoy the humor of assembling the craftsman mower together. It wasn’t until I found a video on YouTube that I understood why the engine wouldn’t start... apparently you have to pull the handles out of the depths of the engine to get it to go. I mean I did it, and put oil and gas in it, but I wish I’d had company. I want companionship. My friend suggested I start a rent a husband business for divorced moms like me who want company and help with household projects... but I was hoping for the real thing.

Then this morning... the kindest message of rejection - after reading my story. How am I ever going to meet someone local where I can show up and be honest with them. Someone who is willing to give a relationship a try?

This is so raw. It really is painful. I wish my story never happened. I’m ready to move on, but how will I ever find a partner open minded enough and willing to try at a relationship? How will I ever be able to be my authentic self with somebody willing to get to know me. I feel cursed by the touch at the birth. Why can’t I just find love and be loved?

My sister said it is a numbers game. Eventually I may find someone willing to try to make it work, but I don’t know if I have the fortitude to keep attempting companionship. I really think if that physician actually made an error he should arrange and pay the bill for the rent a husband service... seriously though... I’d give anything for companionship.

-- Mon Apr 26, 2021 3:43 pm --

Have you ever had someone share something that completely and inadvertently undoes your well-being? Every time I remember what he wrote I can’t help but feel emotional. My eyes have cried so much salt that my lips taste like I’m swimming in the ocean.

It’s just, this past weekend I wished so hard that I had a nice, kind, and funny husband in my life to be with me and enjoy the humor of assembling the craftsman mower together. It wasn’t until I found a video on YouTube that I understood why the engine wouldn’t start... apparently you have to pull the handles out of the depths of the engine to get it to go. I mean I did it, and put oil and gas in it, but I wish I’d had company. I want companionship. My friend suggested I start a rent a husband business for divorced moms like me who want company and help with household projects... but I was hoping for the real thing.

Then this morning... the kindest message of rejection - after reading my story. How am I ever going to meet someone local where I can show up and be honest with them. Someone who is willing to give a relationship a try?

This is so raw. It really is painful. I wish my story never happened. I’m ready to move on, but how will I ever find a partner open minded enough and willing to try at a relationship? How will I ever be able to be my authentic self with somebody willing to get to know me. I feel cursed by the touch at the birth. Why can’t I just find love and be loved?

My sister said it is a numbers game. Eventually I may find someone willing to try to make it work, but I don’t know if I have the fortitude to keep attempting companionship. I really think if that physician actually made an error he should arrange and pay the bill for the rent a husband service... seriously though... I’d give anything for companionship.

-- Mon Apr 26, 2021 3:48 pm --

Have you ever had someone share something that completely and inadvertently undoes your well-being? Every time I remember what he wrote I can’t help but feel emotional. My eyes have cried so much salt that my lips taste like I’m swimming in the ocean.

It’s just, this past weekend I wished so hard that I had a nice, kind, and funny husband in my life to be with me and enjoy the humor of assembling the craftsman mower together. It wasn’t until I found a video on YouTube that I understood why the engine wouldn’t start... apparently you have to pull the handles out of the depths of the engine to get it to go. I mean I did it, and put oil and gas in it, but I wish I’d had company. I want companionship. My friend suggested I start a rent a husband business for divorced moms like me who want company and help with household projects... but I was hoping for the real thing.

Then this morning... the kindest message of rejection - after reading my story. How am I ever going to meet someone local where I can show up and be honest with them. Someone who is willing to give a relationship a try?

This is so raw. It really is painful. I wish my story never happened. I’m ready to move on, but how will I ever find a partner open minded enough and willing to try at a relationship? How will I ever be able to be my authentic self with somebody willing to get to know me. I feel cursed by the touch at the birth. Why can’t I just find love and be loved?

My sister said it is a numbers game. Eventually I may find someone willing to try to make it work, but I don’t know if I have the fortitude to keep attempting companionship. I really think if that physician actually made an error he should arrange and pay the bill for the rent a husband service... seriously though... I’d give anything for companionship.

Today I was thankful I woke up to take Honey out before 8am. My phone had lost batteries last night, so I didn't know what time it was. The microwave said 7:45. The dogs slept in... usually they announce morning earlier than that. When I took Honey out, there were groceries on the porch. I'm not sure if someone's order got misplaced? But I'm thankful they were delivered to my house. I don't feel like shopping.

I called my mom, called my sister, all to ask if they'd misdelivered to my house the following order from Sprouts:
2 bunches of bananas
1 bunch of limes
1 package of strawberries
1 package of beets or maybe onions or potatoes, I didn't look carefully - something from the earth.
1 gallon whole milk
1 package of spinach
1 package of chicken
and I think a few other things, but I forgot what other fruit/veggie stuff came.

I asked my daughter if she'd ordered door dash. She thought it was my church group - they leave stuff on the porch sometimes. If it was my table, thank you, ladies.

I called my dad, it wasn't him.

I'd post on the community website or my neighborhood Facebook page about the lost delivery, but I don't feel like it. I'm taking a sick day again. I logged into work just long enough to answer a few emails, but I am taking it easy. There wasn't a note or even a receipt. Just the bags saying sprouts.