Jealous DD wants to come home

My husband has jealous DD & wants to come home. Two wks ago he had a delusional episode which resulted in several threats of violence if I did not "tell him the truth". In the year & a half that I have been dealing with his delusions (that I'm cheating on him) I have never been afraid for my safety, until that wkend. Thank God our son was away & didn't witness any of that. I left our house for a week, then my husband went to stay at his sister's house so I could bring our 7 yo son home.

He has asked me several times if he could come home, saying he loves me & misses me terribly. I feel the same way about him but I'm afraid. It seems as though every time he has an episode he gets scarier & scarier. My adult daughter is very worried that if I do let him come home one of his episodes will result in him hurting me (or worse), himself, or someone else. She can't comprehend that I would even consider taking him back.

After reading this forum I'm beginning to realize that I can't fix him. He has to be willing to fix himself. At this point he doesn't believe he has a problem. He says he is fine, that I'm the one with the problem, not him. He says if I would only tell him the "truth" everything would be fine. I've asked him many times to get help. He has been to 2 counselors, 2 psychiatrists, and been on about three different kinds of meds. As soon as he starts feeling the counselor/psychiatrist is putting the blame on him or that they are on my side he refuses to see them anymore. He hasn't been on meds for several mths now, saying they don't do anything so why take them. Or he'll start to feel better, think he is "cured" & stop taking them. Sometimes he says the meds are for brainwashing him into forgetting that I cheated on him & he won't take them. He has never been on meds for more than 2 or 3 months.

I have been seeing a counselor to try to deal with his DD. She is very concerned for my safety as well (one of the things my husband did on that awful wkend was swing a sledge hammer at my car - with me in it - threatening to total the car if I didn't tell him the truth). She told me there is nothing more I can do for him, that I have turned myself inside out & backwards trying to help him but he is not willing to admit he has a problem or get help. She said I need to start taking care of myself & our son now.

To this day he doesn't recognize the severity of the things he did that wkend. He believes, since he didn't actually hit me, the things he did & said were not that bad. I never did call the cops though I'm sure if I did they would have taken him in. In hindsight I wish I did call the cops, at least maybe then he might be getting the help he needs.

My husband doesn't understand why I won't let him come home right now. I have to think of our son. He is only 7 yo & has already witnessed some of his Dad's delusional outbursts. His Dad has told him that "Daddy had to move out because Mommy cheated on him". I don't want my son raised in this environment. I don't want him growing up thinking this is the way mommies & daddies are with each other. It is very upsetting to our son to hear his Dad speak to his Mom this way. He often asks his Dad to stop but my husband won't (or can't) hear his son's pleas. I know I can no longer allow our son to be part of this but I don't know where to go from here.

My husband is still staying with his sister. She doesn't understand what is going on with her brother. Around her & her family he seems fine, like normal, except for his thoughts about me cheating on him. I've tried to explain his illness to her but I feel she doesn't or can't believe there is anything wrong with him since he is able to function fairly well in other areas of his life. I have been collecting info about jealous DD & will give it to her today. I hope she will understand after she reads it. Maybe she can convince him to get help.

I really do love my husband with all my heart & miss him terribly. I often tell him I want my husband back, the man I married, not the man he has become. While I'm beginning to realize that the man I once knew may not ever come back, I'm not ready to accept that.

How does one come to acceptance & move on? I can't bring myself to end our marriage. I can't abandon him in his time of need. He needs me to help him through this, and I need him.

Please, anyone, help me to understand this terrible thing that is happening to our family.