DDD Hubby

Hi everyone, this is Goodwife. Last time I had posted, it was years and years ago. My husband still has delusional disorder persecution type. He has been on and off meds, in and out mental hospitals. I am drained and feel empty. I really don't know what else to write. 17 1/2 years of this $#%^.

Sorry to hear about your ongoing woes Goodwife. I'm relatively new to this forum but have been loitering (with an occasional post here and there) as a result of my husband suffering from delusional disorder - jealous type.

I have a question for you. After 17 years of this, do you wish you'd left early on?

Yes. I do. I learned that no body gets "cured" of DD. It can be suppressed for periods. But it will always come back. And it gets worse with age. In my case, every time it came back, it caused a major change in our lives. In one episode, he stopped going to to his job, and never went back, and I mean never. Didn't even clean up his office. Hasn't worked since. Now he stopped socializing with friends. That's it, one day no more friends.

The problem is I became a frog being slowly being heated in a pot. If all of these happened at once, I would have left. But I worked, so no big deal if he stopped working. I drove, so I can drive him around, no problem. I have friends, so what he doesn't come with me anywhere to socialize with them.

I am sorry if this is too pessimistic. This is my truth.

Hi Goodwife. I’m in the same boat, but it seems to have subsided right now. Hubby has always been a bit suspicious, tended to “over-imagine” and over interpret peoples words and actions. He has always had trouble getting along with people in the workplace, and quit his last job after getting into a fistfight. That’s the 3rd job he lost like that. He hasn’t worked in at least 10 years, but finally hit 62 and got an SS check. Last year at 64 he was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin lymphoma. Lots of chemo and a stem cell transplant, and he was in remission. He got severely depressed during the treatment, because they stop all the other meds (like bupropion). Very bad idea, but I guess that’s how they do it.
Earlier this summer, he told me that his ex-wife was stalking him, and she had a State Police boyfriend who was following him. He said he’d even called the State Police complaining about it. I told him the ex died many years ago, and he disagreed and disputed it. I printed out the obits from two separate papers. I asked him if he still though the ex was alive and following him and he said yes. I printed out some articles on Delusional Disorder and gave them to him, along with the phone number for the mental health clinic approved by our insurance. I said “you need to get this checked out, because your brain is playing tricks on you”. I wondered if the stress or effects from the chemo and the illness had brought this on.
Since then, he hasn’t said a word about it, and it’s now been months. I don’t know what he did with the paperwork I gave him (it probably went in the trash). I don’t know if he still has the delusions and just quit talking about it. It’s always in the back of my mind. After 22 years of this difficult marriage, we’ve had a few months of relative peace. I agree with you it’s like a frog being slowly boiled. If all of it had hit us in the beginning, we would have just ended it then.

-- Tue Sep 24, 2019 4:50 am --

Hi Goodwife. I’m in the same boat, but it seems to have subsided right now. Hubby has always been a bit suspicious, tended to “over-imagine” and over interpret peoples words and actions. He has always had trouble getting along with people in the workplace, and quit his last job after getting into a fistfight. That’s the 3rd job he lost like that. He hasn’t worked in at least 10 years, but finally hit 62 and got an SS check. Last year at 64 he was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin lymphoma. Lots of chemo and a stem cell transplant, and he was in remission. He got severely depressed during the treatment, because they stop all the other meds (like bupropion). Very bad idea, but I guess that’s how they do it.
Earlier this summer, he told me that his ex-wife was stalking him, and she had a State Police boyfriend who was following him. He said he’d even called the State Police complaining about it. I told him the ex died many years ago, and he disagreed and disputed it. I printed out the obits from two separate papers. I asked him if he still though the ex was alive and following him and he said yes. I printed out some articles on Delusional Disorder and gave them to him, along with the phone number for the mental health clinic approved by our insurance. I said “you need to get this checked out, because your brain is playing tricks on you”. I wondered if the stress or effects from the chemo and the illness had brought this on.
Since then, he hasn’t said a word about it, and it’s now been months. I don’t know what he did with the paperwork I gave him (it probably went in the trash). I don’t know if he still has the delusions and just quit talking about it. It’s always in the back of my mind. After 22 years of this difficult marriage, we’ve had a few months of relative peace. I agree with you it’s like a frog being slowly boiled. If all of it had hit us in the beginning, we would have just ended it then.

Hi Nmkim:

I hope your husband is getting better. It's almost impossible to convince a DD person what he "perceives" is incorrect. Is he back on his psych meds? They will get him back on track.

Hi Goodwife, he still overinterprets people’s comments, but no return of out and out delusions like the ex-wife one. He takes what I consider some inconsequential statement with no deep meaning, and blows it up into something that means far more. I do take the time to debate it and I know it annoys him. I think he wants me to join in his hyper interpretations, but I won’t.
So we continue in this vein. Today he’s sick with a cold, which means I’m supposed to stay home to take care of him. He is good about taking the bupropion, and that helps his overall mood tremendously.

Hi everyone, well finally it's over. I filed for divorce last December, and got divorced in August 2020. It turns out when he lives elsewhere and I am not intrenched in his delusions, life is good. I have peace finally. No more panic attacks for me. My therapist said I don't need to see her anymore. 17 1/2 years of torture. I wish I left him earlier.