Is this considered delusional?

So to start I have been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, but I have a very intense fear of psychosis & schizophrenia. My father had major depressive disorder with psychotic features, but never schizophrenia or anything. With him things would get out of hand if his depression went unchecked.

I don't really get much depression like my father did (just little minor episodes). But I do fear that I have delusional thoughts. To add to this its because of my past drug use (mainly pot, and psychedelics). I tend to get extremely deep thoughts.

My thought process gets really deep. Like for some reason I have the feeling of the universe just making sense. I'm not saying I believe I "understand" how everything works, but I get the feeling that things just click in a very un-logical way. Like if us humans stopped thinking logically then we could begin to understand the point of life without the black and white filter of our own logic.

Before I touched drugs I was very over analytical. I'm a computer software engineer so its in my personality to think things are either ones or zeros. But after I tripped for the first time I saw things were not so black and white. Things had color, and I felt kind of "enlightened" and felt there was something else to this life.

This feeling of "enlightened" isn't always good either. I get really deep into thought and how the universe works that I feel it could be signs of delusions of grandeur which is a sign of psychosis. So I ask am I just a really deep thinker, or could this be signs of psychosis?

Seems to be an enjoyable state of mind... I would not worry too much if it does not affect your everyday functioning. I see a possibility Zen practices could help you to get some feedback and confidence. Have you ever tried?

Tanoujin wrote:Seems to be an enjoyable state of mind... I would not worry too much if it does not affect your everyday functioning. I see a possibility Zen practices could help you to get some feedback and confidence. Have you ever tried?

I've tried various meditation practices, but I don't do it on a daily basis. I understand that most of this is just anxiety. I do feel like I'm the only person that has these thoughts. To be honest sometimes I'm jealous of other people because they don't get too caught up in thinking like I do. That is why I fear its something only in my head.