Is my partner suffering with delusional jealousy?

Dear All,

I need help with my partner..... is he suffering with delusional jealousy?

Here's my story!!

Background--- Me and my partner have been together nearly 29 years. I was 14!! He was 15. We have two wonderful boys that are now young men.

He didn't have the greatest childhood, he wasn't nurtured at all by his parents and his mum had 7 children by 4 different men. His mum cheated on his dad too.

Over the years he has always had jealous tendencies, I have lots count of the amount of times he has accused me of liking different men, including friends and family.

He cheated on me when we were about 17, it was a difficult time but we managed to move on. He got into taking amphetamine for a couples of years when we were in our 20s but he hasn't touched it for about 19 years.

He has suffered with depression for many years and takes anti depressants, about 10 or so years ago he was told he had bipolar and has been medicated every since.

About 2 years ago, I suffered a devastating blow when I found out he had cheated again on me and had a son with another women!! The boy had contacted my oldest son to tell him that his dad was his dad too. I was totally heartbroken by this but I decided that I wanted to stay with him. I loved him and believed that he was a different person when he was taking drugs. 7 weeks after finding that out, I then found out that he was messaging a women who he was working with. I couldn't believe that he was hurting me again. He said it was because he needed attention and she had shown him it as I didn't want nothing to do with him as I had been shattered. What a selfish bastard!! But again I decided to stay with him. I ended up on anti depressants myself and had to have professional counselling. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with but I am a survivor.

I love this man to bits and never want to be without him, I don't know what it is as you wouldn't think I could love someone who has hurt me so bad. When he is my normal happy go lucky hubby, I couldn't ask to be treated better. He is good looking, sexy, funny, kind and much much more.

Present-- The last 18 months or so have been an absolute nightmare. I feel I am constantly watched, questioned, under investigation and he thinks he knows how I think. I am now at the point where I am ready to walk away from him. I have to put up with the following :

- Every time we go out, he accuses me at looking at men, he tells me I look at nice cars as there are men in them.
- I wear my sunglasses in the car as he says he feels better as he can't see where I'm looking.
- I look out of my passenger window so I don't get accused of looking at the drivers coming towards us.
- He asked me why I don't use my sun visor, I told him I don't ever think of using it as I have my sunglasses on, he says it's because I want to be on show.
- it is very hot at the moment so I have had my shoulders out, he says I am parading myself as I want attention.
- he says that men smirk at him which he believes it's because I must of smiled at them. He thinks men do this to to say 'your woman has just looked at me' mugging him off.
- I started a new job, he questioned me about the men that worked there? I took pictures of the four men that are there to ease his mind.
- I had a training course, I ended up taking pictures of the people in the course. He didn't ask me to do so but I knew he would feel insecure. He even took the day off of work to take me and collect me.
- if I don't call him within a certain time in my lunch break because i am busy and haven't started my lunch, I will be presented with messages asking me if I am ignoring him?
- when he has jealous thoughts he is nasty with his words.
- I text him when I am back in the village where I live everyday.
- i get a lift down a big hill from a couple of different ladies at work. I have took pictures of them to show him they are women as he says I wouldn't tell him if I got a lift off of a man. I would never accept a lift from a man!!
- he has accused me of pleasuring myself!! Which I have never done.
- I had a fete at work, I work in a school. When I got home, I was telling him about it and then he went quiet. He said he had forgotten about the dads of the kids at school. He said I might fancy them.
- I had to go to an appointment with a policeman, my son came with me as he couldn't make it. When I got home, he asked if the policeman was good looking? I said he was an average looking man, he said that because I fancied him. When the policeman visited our home, I went in the bedroom and let him deal with it, I just couldn't face another load of accusations.

I'm sure there are more i could list but I think you got the general idea...... life for me is draining, I feel so exhausted and stressed living day in and out with this.

I am genuine, loyal and committed to this man. I have never cheated on him ever!! I have treated him with respect all throughout our relationship. I just want a normal happy life with him and to make happy memories but for whatever reason he just won't let us be.

I am not interested in looking, smiling or getting attention from any man, I just want him to believe in me and trust me, but he doesn't believe any of it. He says everyone likes to looked at as it makes you feel good. I can assure you I don't want any of it!!

I have done lots of research on delusional jealousy and I really believe he suffers with it.

It is so painful to be viewed as a person I am not!! I'm just me!! Don't want much out of life other than a happy home. It also hurts to see him when he is behaving like this as I know I am not doing anything wrong and he really doesn't need to be suffering.

I have tried to help him but currently I feel like I have lost him. I feel empty and numb and at breaking point. I love him to pieces but I can no longer live with this constant strain. I deserve so much more. I keep telling him I am his wife and should be treated like it but instead, I am treated like a suspect and his enemy.

I would be grateful for any replies to help me decide what to do. I want a life with him but not this life.

Thank you for reading my story....

I am going though a similar situation. It’s really unbelievable. It’s hard to get them help because they think it’s you. I have two young daughters and have been through hell. I don’t want to leave her. I love her.

I just wanted to say you are not alone.