Help with DDJ wife

Hi to all of you. My wife and I have been married for over 5 years. For the last 2 years she started accusing me of having an affair and these accusations have got to a point where she has moved out of the house and is ready to file for divorce. She does not listen to reason and no matter who talks to her she will not believe that there is no affair. She also believes that my family has been doing witchcraft for her and after she moved out of the house these delusions have only gotten stronger. She refuses to go for counseling and thinks I am a psychopath and have bipolar disorder and that I am trying to make her look crazy. The thing is I understand her illness as she was always possessive over me. She didn't like me being on Facebook, so to make her happy I deleted my facebook all social media, she did not want me on Whatsapp so I did not bother to upgrade my phone. She always accused me of looking at other women, but I am not the type of person to even approach someone, I am a very introverted person. I used to be questioned every day about what I did for the day, and if I needed to work overtime I used to pick my wife up and she kept me company at work. The whole time we where married I never spent a night apart from her except when I was in hospital. I do not understand where her delusions come from and when I ask her to go for therapy she refuses. I want to help her but it seems like my marriage is over and she refuses to even talk to me. I have lost my job, my family, my health and my reputation trying to prove my innocence. All this stress of being constantly accused put me in hospital and now she does not even feel an ounce of guilt as she thinks it is punishment from god. I changed my religion and relocated to another town to prove my love for her and she still does not want to be with me. Recently I went through her old phone and noticed messages from her mum saying that she must not trust me and my family. This from a mother who abandoned her when she was 4 years old, and the only reason she is close to her mum was because I helped restore that relationship. Please help me in resolving this situation, should I give my wife time and space and hope she comes back to me, or is she going to be happier without me in her life. At the moment her mother says she is happier away from me but I don't know what to do because I love her so much and I cannot give up on her. Is there any possibility for reconciliation in our marriage?

Hello, I am currently going through the same thing. I fear I created this monster because I had a porn addiction and I lied to her, denying her reality. I was so involved with work, that I’m afraid I broke her. Over the past 3 years, I was accused of being attracted to teenagers, meeting people for sex in the woods, and sneaking people in our house. She accused me of taking drugs and paying for prostitutes. She started drinking again after being sober for 10 years. I’m the beginning , I did everything wrong. Now , I have tried to tell her that she is delusional but she says that I am saying that to cover for my sex addiction. I’ve taken drug tests, psychosexual evaluations, and have tried to get her family and friends to help me. She is very convincing and because I reacted so poorly in the beginning, I’m basically alone in this struggle. I’m trying to get her to a psychiatrist but I’m not sure if it would help. We have two children and if I leave, I’m afraid things will get bad for them. I am at a loss here and getting desperate. This just sucks.

I just wanted to chime in about causality. I don't think anything that anyone does or says causes delusion disorder. I think it's just a brain gone wrong. I'm not an expert, but I've read many accounts of people who have loved ones with this disorder and their backgrounds and life situations are all varied.

With my mom, she will tell everyone that her ex-husband abused her, and she's very believable until she starts to mention the part about him scratching her cooking pots, or sanding the picture frame. But all the stories have changed a lot over the past 9 years that we've known she's had delusions. They divorced over 6 years ago, after he lived with constant accusations for 3+ years.

We were worried about his stress. She accused him of multiple affairs, of stealing her things, etc. Now she thinks he is still entering her apartment to damage her things. Believe me, he did not abuse her, he did not steal or damage her things. They were together 30 years before she got delusions. Their relationship wasn't perfect, but it was nothing anyone did that resulted in her having delusions. I am relieved they are no longer together because of the terrible stress for him.

I wish so much their being apart could have also relieved her stress that her brain is causing herself, but that can't be helped. She refuses all the delusion diagnoses she's received, from multiple doctors. Over the years, not only do her details of the delusions change but the types of delusions change, too. In the past year, she has acquired the type where she thinks she has tiny bugs on herself, like fleas or mites.

I just don't want loved ones to think they could or should have done something different, or blame themselves. I've tried so hard to ease my mom's mind, but nothing works and I've learned to let it go and distance myself. It's very sad because in some ways, she is still 'there' and there are times when she seems fine. It's a tragic illness.

I feel the horror. I am so sorry. I too have been accused of a lot. The worst things are the sexual deviant things. I finally moved out. I hate what I say sometimes but they make you insane. Only if somebody has walked in your shoes and experienced what it’s like to be called a rapist a pedophile a demon gods mistake queer cheater. It’s embarassing and humiliating especially when it’s done in front ont of people/ strangers. They don’t know that ur wife has dd. They know that you were called a rapist by a lady who looks like your wife. You can’t say oh she’s nuts and it go away. I understand. It’s awful. They tell everybody like an evil kid. I think when all is said and done this is one of the most horrible psychiatric illnesses and causes the most collateral damage to luv ones. Good luck.

I so relate to your statement 'by a lady who looks like your wife'. When my mom was still married, and then going through a divorce, I let both attorneys know that there was no abuse, no affairs, etc. I've also phoned her doctors without her knowing, just so they can understand her illness. And thankfully, the police and medical professionals that she's reporting her ex-husband to have all been able to fairly quickly see that she has delusions, and no one has actually investigated or questioned her now-ex-husband.

She thinks I'm close-minded and can't see the 'truth' and she tells me that the police know what she says is true, and that her friends believe her. I've so far successfully not revealed to her that the police have phoned me to discuss her delusions. Sometimes I feel like I have to follow her all around town and tell everyone she's talked to that all her stories never happened. I just hate that she's saying terrible things about her ex-husband, because she STILL thinks he comes in and hacks her computer, poisons her, etc.

So awful.

Please note my post..."Does My Wife Have DDJ". You'll find some guidance and advice there. I know you're searching for answers. You're not, nor have you ever been, alone.