Advice needed on delusional husband

I just recently figured out that delusional disorder has been the cause of our suffering the last 6 years and is currently devastating this family. Reading the descriptions it is SHOCKING how it was like reading a detailed description exactly of my life the last 6 years. I never realized it was a mental illness until October when he had a breakdown. I thought “he’s paranoid” “why would you think that???” Trying to reason with him or help him understand the truth about whatever circumstance but it never works. Anyway so now on to describing the current situation and asking for advice. My husband has been convinced I cheated on him for years, he had specific people he thinks I cheated with, he thinks none of our children are his, he has particular people he thinks each kid belongs to, he’s had multiple paternity tests done and when they came back showing the kids are his he was convinced someone hacked the system and results. So we’ve lived like this for 6 years and it’s gotten very ugly. This past fall he got a gun out he was threatening to kill himself if I didn’t confess to cheating on him (I never did obviously or it wouldnt be a delusion). I’ve never been so scared. It’s not only that, he doesn’t trust anyone. He in the end cut himself off from every community or church group we’ve ever been in because he becomes convinced they don’t like him, he’s not welcome; he comes up with ideas about people like everyone is cheating on their spouses and everyone is horrible and doesn’t want to associate with all these horrible, immoral people who hate him and are out to get him. It’s like the whole world is a constant threat. He’s always on edge, like a constant fight or flight mode. When he had a psychotic break in October he became convinced that I was into witchcraft that I was cursing him at night and my lips were moving while I was sleeping and I was preventing him from sleeping and he would drive around all night not even staying in one spot because he was convinced people would find him and he wouldn’t sleep for over a week and then he called or texted like 40 or more people that I am currently or have been friends with in the past telling them that I was involved in witchcraft and please pray for me and don’t tell her I told you. When I found out about this and I was very very upset and I had to message everyone again and tell them the situation and after that he did actually realize he needed help and he went and got prayed for for deliverance which made a DRAMATIC CHANGE and after that one day that he had freedom as a result of being prayed for but soon it was back to his same issues. Anyways some really weird incident happened where he took off while I was at women’s retreat and drove three states away to see someone he hasn’t talked to in 20 years and when he got there he thought someone was trying to steal his stuff and he took off and said they were chasing him and he drove right back and I ended up filing a missing persons report and I was freaked out and thought he was in an accident and he finally showed up again at his aunt’s house...

But he seems so normal so much of the time and when he sees a doctor or explains his issues nobody ever recognizes this because these are a lot of the time plausible things or he doesn’t even talk about his ideas about this crazy stuff.

Now the current situation is that he thinks that me and his parents and basically everybody else in his life is trying to kill him and wants him dead because we are trying to steal his stuff or maybe have a life insurance policy you were trying to cash out on. So he left the state 4 months ago That’s also a long story it was supposedly temporary but he just told me three weeks ago that he is filing for a divorce and he’s not coming back to Michigan at all and we have four little boys their age is 3, 4, 9 and 10. He has been extremely resistant to any other possible interpretations of his beliefs like he thinks I poisoned him two times at least he says he has proof for all these things that he thinks and he is basically abandoning us based on false ideas and refuses to recognize has any kind of problem. His parents and myself and many many people are beside ourselves just not knowing what to do about this or how to get him to see he has a problem. I don’t want a divorce; I want to help him, I want him to get back to being the man I knew and married, I want my kids to have their dad whom they love and miss terribly...but I don’t know how to get him to recognize this problem or seek help. I wondered if anyone has advice!

Does mental illness run in is family?

No

i don't know anything about US laws, but isn't there a way for you to oblige him legally to get treatment? does he have a living family other than his aunt?

Only if he’s a danger to himself or others, and even then it’s not a good chance of helping. He has TONS of family. He won’t talk to any of them though he thinks they are out to get him/have him killed too.

If you love your husband, you will commit him to a mental hospital. If guns are involved, call the police. Tell him he is mentally unstable. He will not have a choice.

I have considered that multiple times in the past but never quite seemed like the right thing to do and now I don’t have any proof that he would be a danger to himself or others not since the fall has he done anything that would indicate that and since he’s in another state and I hardly talk to him I would have no way to know. I don’t know any of his friends who could help me or anyone that would have a close relationship with him in Wisconsin and even if I did find proof enough to go through the process it would probably have to be in Wisconsin and I am six hours away with four kids and don’t know how the process would work there or if it’s possible . Has anyone else actually had someone committed that they love that has this condition and had anything good or bad happen from that ?

It's very difficult to get someone committed. Most of the time, it's because they're so sick that they did something that gets them arrested; or they tell their therapist/psychiatrist/doctor that they're gonna hurt themselves or someone else.

My ex-wife was finally committed by her psychiatrist, and had to take medication. It was great at first, but after she left, she slowly stopped taking her medication. And now the whole cycle begans anew.