I'm a DDJ Man, I'll talk with anyone who wants more insight

The title says it all. I know I suffer from this. I'm willing to talk with anyone on this page who would like more insight from the DDJ mind. I wish this page was more active.

Okay, I'll bite. Just surfed into this section and know nothing about DDJ (had to google what that means and saw the J was for jealous). Are DD people also jealous or some just delusional and not jealous?

Please help. I believe that my husband has delusional jealousy. It has not been diagnosed because he has not discussed this with a dr. We are going tomorrow for me to take a polygraph examination. My hopes were that this might prove my innocence. He has been accusing me of sleeping with our best friends - first it was both of them (male/female couple) and now he thinks I've been having an affair with just the male. He has been placing audio recorders in our bedroom, in my car and then he listens to these recordings and says its proof that I am having sex when in fact I am not. I don't hear hardly any of the things that he hears and the parts that I do hear are nothing but normal noises - but he turns them into something sexual. He also has a very strong jeoulousy fetish and has even asked me to be sexual with this same couple. I have always refused as I want nothing to do with that and I'm certain that they would not either. Several months ago it did come to a blow up where this couple was informed of what he thought was going on. Of course they denied it because it has never happened and we all chalked it up to him having side effects from taking Adderall. He apologized to them and said he was just going crazy but then it has continued with me. He constantly still accuses me of sex with this male friend. HE is certain that the recording that he has from last Saturday proves that this man was at our house and that we had sex. That Saturday I was home alone, no ne ever came here but in his mind there is absolutely no disputing it. He keeps telling me that it is OK if I have sex with him that he just wants me to tell him detailed stories about it because it turns him on. Again I want nothing to do with that. I feel that his DDJ is somehow tied into his overpowering sexual fantasies. I'm all alone. I have been keeping this to myself because our friends think this was just a bizaare mental breakdown due to his Adderall and that everything has been fine since; but this has been going on for almost 8 months. I love my husband and I want our relationship to get back to normal. The only way that can happen is if he realizes that he has a problem and gets help with it. My questions for you are - How can I get him to realize that these thoughts he has are not real and what kind of help do we seek? Thank you

Hi gatorgirl1002
I have not checked the forum for a little while.
It sounds like he is projecting his fantasies on you in a very strong way. DDJ people have very strong feelings that cheating is going on no matter what the evidence is or what the spouse says/does. Has he turned normal everyday things into “evidence” and refuses to believe anything otherwise? What about your male friends (if you have them), is he very jealous and suspicions of them? My advice is that if you plan to stay with him then do not give him any reason to doubt you on even the simplest things, be very open and transparent. Any hint that you are not being truthful or honest could be blown way out of proportion against you and he’ll think you’re lying to him about everything. A good relationship counselor should be able to help. His sexual desires make this a little more complicated at least from my point of view because they sound very strong.
Keep in touch and good luck.

Thanks for your response. I am an open book. I let him track my every move with find my i-phone, he reads all my texts, checks my phone continuously for incoming/outgoing calls and texts, has all my passwords for any social media... I tell him every where that I go. This week I had to go to a meeting at another work building just 5 minutes from where I work. I made sure to tell him that I was going and I called him when I was done. Yet in that 5 minute drive between buildings he thinks that I texted my best friends husband and said "come n get it" this is because he had another recorder in my car and thinks that is what he heard. Of course he can't see that text because it does not exist but he now thinks i have some other way of texting that does not show up on my phone. I left the meeting at 4:00 and was on the phone talking to him at 4:05 based on phone records. I recall being on the phone with him when I returned to my work after the meeting. These accusations never even make any rational sense. How could I possibly have some type of affair in that 5 minutes. This is the same with all of his accusations. Nothing is ever rational.
On 4/2/18 I took a polygraph test. He had promised me that if I took the test and passed that he would get counseling. Well I passed and it did no good. All it did was waste a bunch of money because he does not believe the polygraph now. He had an appointment with a counselor and he cancelled it. He previously paid a company to evaluate part of a recording and they came back saying there was absolutely no sexual activity heard on the recording - he did not believe them either.
When things are good I am so happy. He truly is the love of my life and I want to spend the rest of my life with him but when he is like this which is now about 70% of the time - my life is miserable. I feel so weak for staying and putting up with all of this #######4 but at the same time I don't want to end this marriage - I just need him to realize that all of these thoughts are ridiculous and untrue and to go back to the way he used to be. He is Jeckyl and Hyde. Last night we went out , we had a great time. This morning I wake up to him telling me he knows I did something and that he WILL catch me. You asked about guy friends - well that is who he believes I am having this dillusional affair with, a mutual guy friend. When he is with this friend he acts like everything is fine and doesn't ever say anything to him about it. He has questioned me about other men in the past but for this past year he is fixated on this one person.
How did you come to realize that you had DDJ? I've brought this up to him but he refuses to consider it and just tells me to stop trying to diagnose him.
Thanks! I hope to hear from you soon.

Do you ever feel remorse for the things you did while in an episode? Have you ever ruined a relationship because of your dd? Also, Gator girl, your story is as heartbreaking as mine! I'm so sorry.

Stutteringjohn,
I'm sorry for you too. I'm glad I found this forum because it helps to know we are not alone. I'm curious to hear DDJ man's response to your questions.

Gator girl. I am going through the same thing. My ex-boyfriend accuses me in sleeping with his 60 year old friend and he listens to audio recording constantly and hears staff that’s not true and n vet happened.

I realized I was delusional but I’m not out of the woods 100% (I’ll explain below). I’ve always struggled with a girlfriend’s past, whether it was an innocent one or a more sexually active one. I would analyze over and over and over making them out to be “bad” no matter the past. I would ask questions about their past and then not believe what they told me and then obsess about it. After doing that for too many relationships I realized it must be me, there was no way all these women were that “bad”. Up to this point cheating was not really a worry for me (a little but not too much). I definitely had a trust issue though.
I then dated two consecutive woman (not at the same time, lol) who both cheated on me and I stayed with each of them too long after finding out they cheated which only added to my analyzing and anxiety if they were cheating or not (I should have left them immediately but I stayed). This added to my struggle with trust. I finally left and I then met my future wife and I went through the same struggles about analyzing here past. Her past was conservative but I still analyzed it and made it “bad” in my head. This slowly lead me to think she cheating on me, it didn’t help that she lived an hour away when we were dating. She is not a big phone person so I would get very uncomfortable when she did not answer. My thinking went on and one but I hid it well and always seem happy on the surface. Eventually it would surface and I would ask if she was cheating. I’d analyze her answers, body language, etc. She had a coworker that turned into what she called a “good friend”. She hid their friendship from me, I eventually found out and confronted her, she knew him for two years, they texted/talked 4 times/week at least. I fell into another dark place convinced she cheated. She says I’m over analyzing and that she hid it because she was afraid I’d over react. That was six months ago and I still struggle daily.

The DDJ mind is loves to analyze to the point that it seems like paranoia. Has he been deeply hurt in the past? If you plan to be with him, 100% openness is ideal and it sounds like you have been. The DDJ mind will find a reason to no believe almost anything, just like the lie detector test you took (I’m not surprised he doesn’t believe the results). My wife agreed to take one but I know it will only help me for a short amount of time. It’s like the DDJ mind likes to focus on the slightest chance of something bad happening (i.e. cheating) instead of facts or evidence to the contrary.

Please don’t feel weak, you are very strong for dealing with this. One thing to consider is your own mental health. I’m sure you don’t want to look back and regret staying. He does need serious help/or medication. If you plan to stay know it will be a roller-coaster ride (as you already know). How does he react to misunderstandings? Does he turn them into “you cheated”?
I wish this sight was more active. Google Othello Syndrome. There is a FB group for it.
I hope this helps and that you’re doing better.
I’ll check back soon.

New here. Here's an insight I'm curious about.

In your delusional state, how would you respond to other peoples' delusions?

My friend developed a belief about nine months ago that a mysterious international crime syndicate has targeted her. She insists that certain of her friends and relatives could obtain help for her from law enforcement agencies or other means but we simply refuse to because either we've been brainwashed by the syndicate or we're just being stubborn and stupid. I'm being VERY brief here -- her foaming-at-the-mouth episodes, emails, police reports, etc are a thing to behold. So are her mad rants at everyone who refuses to get her into Federal Witness Protection or summon the National Security Advisor himself to take her case. She thinks because of our flimsy connections to a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who knew a guy that we could make the US government beat a path to her door if we'd just pick up the phone.

In your delusions, what would you have thought if my friend went at you with hers? Would you think she was crazy? How would you react if you read some of the stories on this forum?

Thanks for any insight you can provide.