Not sure what to make of this...

Well, I've had some traumatic (on some level) events occur the past few years and they have been really difficult to deal with.

Around 2 years ago, I was diagnosed with depression and was put on an anti-depressant and saw a therapist regularly. After a year I was able to taper off my anti-depressant with the help of the dr until i wasn't on it anymore. When I first went on it, I felt like for the first time in my life I had clarity. My daily life wasn't as painful as it normally was.

The thing is though, before seeing the dr for the first time my mother was the one who insisted that I see him because I was saying things that didn't make sense. At the time I believed that:
-Because I cried in front of my kids, my husband will divorce me and take our kids away
-That my husband wanted to divorce me so he could marry someone
-I believed that I should leave him first so that he wouldn't take the kids

I believed those things 100% and didn't want him to know if I had cried earlier in the day. Recently, I brought this topic up to him and he was shocked as he had never thought any of that.

More recently, I had a small problem with a close family member. It was nothing. A silly squabble. But I had extreme and inappropriate anger about it. I apologized and the other person still responded with anger. Instead of just letting it go, I would get angry about it every once in a while. Among the things I said/thought about the situation:
-My family sees me as a bully that must be stopped
-My family doesn't defend me because I would never be right
-My family constantly defends the other person because they feel that I am a bully to that person
-My family constantly makes excuses for the other person's behavior because they care about the other person more than me
-My family never makes excuses for me- they always make me out to be evil

I even called my mother crying to "confront" her about theses things. She hadn't even heard about the fight and started telling me that I'm imagining this perception of things and that no one sees me as a bully. I could hear her not even knowing what to say and feeling as at loss as she was when I used to tell her my husband was leaving me/hates me.

A therapist I was seeing for the past few months wondered if my belief that my husband was going to leave me was psychosis of some form. It was really hard to say. At the time I was hardly ever sleeping and would take a long time to leave the bed so it was possible that if I did suffer psychosis it was a side-effect of the depression.

After that "confrontation" with my mother, things appeared to calm down and I was able to be somewhat normal and saw the other person that I had the fight with and talked normally. Then a week or so passed and we all gathered at a mutual acquaintance's house. That person and another person brought up a topic similar to the one we fought about. I immediately felt defensive and even started getting visibly upset. Later that night, when I was at home, I started breaking down again. Those thoughts started coming and I started feeling out of control. I kept crying and shaking and feeling like a worthless waste of a human.

The next day, I felt blank. Almost normal. As if I had a cup that at times gets full of all these negative emotions that overflow until it empties out and then there is nothing. I feel normal, but I have not felt "joy" in a long time.

Another thing to add is that this person I fought with, I am constantly paranoid of them. Whenever they bring up a situation I feel like they are talking about me. I often feel like they purposely exclude me of things along with a few other people. I get very suspicious that they lock down on me and make comments that outline my weaknesses. Even though "logically", that would be very weird and when right now I try to think back to what they actually said to make me feel that way, I just can't remember.

So here's what I'm wondering. This internal monologue that occurs when I am in my "bad days", could it possibly be a delusion or hallucination of some form? I just can't tell anymore. And I don't feel like I can silently wait for another "break-down" but I feel like I know that it's coming.

I know no one here is able to really tell me what's happening, but could someone maybe relate? Does any of this sound familiar to anyone?