how can i help a delusional person?

i need advices. i live with someone who suffer of delusional disorder (grandiose and persecutory) from two years. two long horrible years and i can't cope with this hell anymore. i've tried and tried again, but a change it's impossibile. there is no insight into this man, no light.
i can't say if he's schizophrenic or suffer from DD because he has never been diagnosed. i know just our life is dominated by paranoia. i know, it's hard for everyone but he have a really strong personality, he never admit to have a huge problem. i resisted all this time for love and i lost everything; my friends, respect for my parents, my job, my interests, all. and i do all i can for him but he seems to hate and despise me. i think the solution is to just leave, but i can't accept it...
i need to know that there is an hope...

In all honesty, there really isn't any hope. Be glad it's only been 2 years. Get out now. Get out while you still haven't invested more years of your life with someone that is seriously ill, and cannot even see it. This disease is worse than cancer. It kills the one you love and makes you the enemy. Believe me when I tell you... run. Run and don't look back.

Dear alicenohope,

I am a person who is suffering from 'Delusional Disorder'. And I am aware of this fact and i am on medication for life. Things are very normal for me now & i am happily married with two children. I don't remember when i fought with my wife in past 2 years.
So DON'T have misconceptions about anything.

First of all I disagree with your diagnosis. Please both of you visit a Psychologist or a Psychiatrist for a correct diagnosis. Then ACCEPTANCE is the key. If you don't accept, then you can never be cured.
[I took 2 years to accept it completely that i am mentally ill]

One funny thing i want to tell. Initially I had thought that my wife suffered from mental illness. After 10 yrs with her today I am diagnosed with mental illness and i have accepted the fact that she is normal.

So don't judge without proper expertise anyone. Even if it's your spouse or boy/girl-friend.

I pray that your life become easy going forward.
Cheers....

Unfortunately you cannot help this person. I have a loved one who has been diagnosed with delusional disorder also. She will not take meds or go back to the doctor because she feels there is nothing wrong with her. Do not argue with him. It will do no good. The delusion is fixed. You cannot agree with the person either. I have been accused of stealing from her, running up huge bills and now she is going to lose her house because she is going to have to oay off my debt. All of this is entirely untrue. It is a tough situation. I have found the best tactic is to try to divert their attention on to something else. I do not live with my loved one and think that would be impossible. You have to remember to take care of yourself.

I can't quiet belive it has taken me so long to finally accept that my husband is suffering from some type of delusional disorder. His behaviour has been odd for years ranging from the the bizarre to the ridiculous. He firmly believed The police, or people connected to the police were following and harassing him for years. The phone , house and car were all bugged . people driving cars with high beam lights were part of the conspiracy. According to my husband we were followed around the supermarket, by the family and friends of police officers , we were even followed on holiday. When I tried to address these beliefs he got angry and accused me of being naive and stupid. It finally came to a head after about three years and I tried to talk to him about DD , he went wild , shouting , aggressive accusing me of wanting to get him sectioned. He flatly refused to get help or talk to anyone about his problems. However Following a visit to Jamaica some months later, he told me he had spoken to a Doctor and he was feeling better. I asked him if he still held his beliefs about being followed and he said no. I wasn't entirely convinced but gave him the benefit of the doubt he refused to discuss the issue again . Now another year later it's started again. This time the paranoia appears to be about me. He says I'm playing a game , trying to trap him but the things / signs that alert him to this attack are just strange and seemingly have no logic whatsoever . Here are three recent examples that show him I'm conspiring against him
1. Me showing him a dog related video on You Tube
2. Me wearing my rucksack on both shoulders
3. Me pretending to have a slight knee injury and limping slightly ( in my defence this last accusation follows a 13 k run I did yesterday as I'm training for a half marathon).
He won't or can't explain the significance of these things , but they make him anxious and angry and I'm the lightning rod for all the delusions. I just hope they don't escalate , he has never been violent but I worry that he's getting much worse.

I'm at the end of my tether I've had enough. Nothing I say or do seems to help , he either refuses flat out to see the Doctor or screams and shouts at me. He says I have a mental health condition because I cry and I'm down and depressed. Well yes I suppose I am depressed about living with him and his delusions for so many years. I am finally giving up on him , the house is up for sale and I want a divorce after 22 years. My life is not my own and I'm on edge all the time , I now need some respite from all this pain and misery his condition has brought to our family.
I do still feel for him and I know living with his condition must be hard and a daily struggle , but I now feel like it's either him or me .. And as Irvine Welsh so profoundly wrote ' I choose life' .

This board is lifesaver by the way, I thought for years this was my fault , or something to do with me not being kind or loving enough , but I now realise my experience is not unique and I'm not to blame it's just a horrible , destructive illness. Thanks to everyone brave enough to post your words have helped me immeasurably.

at the end he left me 3 weeks ago.
in december it seemed to be back to normal, but unfortunately I have to accept that he will never be normal and will never return the person he was. throughout the month of december he has fake. no longer he talks of "them" but it was just an act. he was supposed to be a great actor. he left me saying horrible things, totally unexpectedly (I knew that sooner or later it would happen again but not like this, not now). I took his phone and saw that he had sent some messages to "them" (he writes on mobile or PC direct messages to them, cause they spying him 24 hours 24 and read all he writes). I lost the game. everyone tells me I'm lucky and I should be happy but nevertheless I seems to have abandoned him to an horrible fate. he's very ill and no one knows. he lives alone, so now he can talk to them all the time... his parents are selfish and doesn't care about it. i'm not joking, they are not in denial, they are selfish and criminals. they pay the rent and bills to him for not having him at home, and he has not worked for three years and is unemployed. alone, unemployed, delusional.
i'm suffering so much. i've lost 10 years of my life with him for what? and he push away the only person in the world who cares about him.
I listened him for two years talking ONLY about things that DO NOT EXIST. I spent sleepless nights seeing him cry over things that do not exist. it was heartbreaking. I am destroyed. my life is destroyed. i hate his parents to the bone. naboo I often think of that phrase of trainspotting too ... but I had chosen to stay with him despite everything. and sometimes think he has some insight and has left me free for this...but it's just a dream.

Just wanted to write to say I can relate. In fact, I checked back on this forum today because I had a dream about my ex last night and I can't shake the sadness, even though we've been apart for over two years.

He was who I thought was my "soul mate," and it's so hard to let go of who he was before his mental illness suddenly took over. It took every ounce of my being this morning, not to reach out to him or to his mom, who I also loved like a mother.

Like most here, I am not sure if my ex had delusional disorder, or if his psychosis was a visible symptom of something else that was going untreated, such as schizophrenia/ schizoaffective disorder...bipolar...who knows. He was very much against seeing a doctor.

Anyways, I am here to say I know it's hard....it's so hard. Nothing will change that. Life does go on, and I think that going no-contact (which is what I did, although not willingly) offers the best chances at healing. But yeah...it's so, so difficult to come to terms with the end of a relationship when there is absolutely no closure, and you feel you have been personally mischaracterized...when the other person's words and actions make you wonder if they ever loved you....or make you wonder if maybe YOU are mentally ill.

See a therapist, yourself, if you can. Talking to a professional is really helpful when dealing with a challenge this big. I think an experience like this can actually cause PTSD in the non-delusional partner.

-- Thu Feb 16, 2017 11:29 am --

Just wanted to write to say I can relate. In fact, I checked back on this forum today because I had a dream about my ex last night and I can't shake the sadness, even though we've been apart for over two years.

He was who I thought was my "soul mate," and it's so hard to let go of who he was before his mental illness suddenly took over. It took every ounce of my being this morning, not to reach out to him or to his mom, who I also loved like a mother.

Like most here, I am not sure if my ex had delusional disorder, or if his psychosis was a visible symptom of something else that was going untreated, such as schizophrenia/ schizoaffective disorder...bipolar...who knows. He was very much against seeing a doctor.

Anyways, I am here to say I know it's hard....it's so hard. Nothing will change that. Life does go on, and I think that going no-contact (which is what I did, although not willingly) offers the best chances at healing. But yeah...it's so, so difficult to come to terms with the end of a relationship when there is absolutely no closure, and you feel you have been personally mischaracterized...when the other person's words and actions make you wonder if they ever loved you....or make you wonder if maybe YOU are mentally ill.

See a therapist, yourself, if you can. Talking to a professional is really helpful when dealing with a challenge this big. I think an experience like this can actually cause PTSD in the non-delusional partner.

i see a psychologist (like 2 years ago) but doesn't help at all..he say ''it's paranoid schizophrenia, you better run, you can do nothing for help him. he's brain is scary and full of torments and there is no space for you'' yeah tanks, i know that. but i can't stop to think he can been help. i can't accept to have lost the person i love for a mental ill. it's too unfair. we are all on the same boat. i read a lot of similar story here and i feel less alone...
few days ago he wrote me (nothing specials). i know he feel alone and bored but i keep no contact. i don't know if is the right thing to do with him.