Mild Paranoia

Hi there,

Just wanted to get some advice. I know you can't diagnose and yes I will be going to a psychiatrist soon (more for anxiety related issues), but something has been concerning me of late about my behavior.

I am very anxious by nature and I have had a few stressful events (for me it's rather stressful for others not naturally as anxious probably wouldn't be such an issue). Anyway, I ditched two toxic relationships in the last 6-8 months, one was a borderline and the other most probably had NPD and the effect those two relationships had on me were quite stressful for my body (I got physically ill for a few months). Anyway, now whenever anyone new comes into my life (started a new relationship), I start seeing similarities to these people and become a bit paranoid that this person is going to be a replicas of the two people I got rid of. I start looking for things, and then start researching heavily borderlines and NPD and start to convince myself that this person has Borderline or NPD. Like for example the Borderline was controlling and very critical of other people and you couldn't reason with her and my current guy I am seeing can be critical, but of course he is reasonable when I talk to him about it and wants to talk it out. I'm basically trying to find faults in him.

I guess my reasoning is, that it wouldn't be surprising if I did let a person like that back in as I have a little bit of a pattern going on (maybe codependent). I also am petrified of making the same mistake, because those two people drained me so much.

I will also say I am an avoidant when it comes to intimate relationships and so I am noticing I am trying anyway to try and pick faults with the guy I am currently seeing to try and justify not getting too involved. So this is triggering stress for me, trying to be in a relationship with someone.

I am noticing I get slight paranoia with other things too. Like I chatted about a work colleague to a friend while I was in the office (late at night, friend does not work at my work) and now that collegue is a bit quiet around me and so I start thinking she somehow knows what I said (which is practically impossible unless she had a recording device).

Is this something I should be worried about? I will also raise it with my psychologist a bit more. I brought it up briefly the other day, because I noticed my behavior, but thinking about it now a bit more it is a bit of a concern.

Hi,
I'm sorry you're not feeling well. I hope talking with a trained medical provider will help. It sounds like you are still firmly grounded in reality, but definitely talking to a medical provider about your symptoms is important. I found when I began getting sick, it was good that I already had a psychiatrist to prescribe necessary medication when I broke free from reality. But like you, I had prodormal symptoms. For some people having symptoms allows early access to care, and a better prognosis. When you treat symptoms early, I believe less damage to the brain occurs than when mental illness goes without any treatment and the memories become part of the mind. It is harder to know reality from delusions in my experience when they have been untreated for any length of time. Hope that helps.
Sunny