What am I experiencing?

Hello, I wasn't sure what forum to post in so apologies if this should be somewhere else.

I often feel nervous because I can't sense people's intentions, thoughts, or feelings and feel that they are unreliable. Sometimes I think everyone in the world might be the same person or that people are switching bodies or that they are "empty vessels". I know this sounds absurd, and I don't always feel this way, which is why I'm doubting it's a delusion. Could this be just anxiety or something of the sort? I've also had these thoughts about the world in general being fake or constructed, and me being the only real person. I suffer from chronic depersonalization if that changes anything. Thanks in advance.

Dear DeficientTerrestrial:

Anxiety, this excessive, ongoing fear, as I define anxiety, is in the core of most (if not all) mental illnesses and symptoms.

The idea that the wold in general is fake is not delusional in my mind. People are often not sincere, often scared and don't know what is going on, often lashing out in anger, accusing others, hurting others who are innocent, just so to feel better themselves. There is a whole lot of distorted/ delusional thinking in people most would consider "normal" and having it all together.

Sounds to me that you were hurt, as a child, as so many, so very many children have been hurt, by an adult, a parent who betrayed your trust. I am guessing this simply because it is so common and because there is a reason for your distrust in people, their intentions.

If you felt safe as a child, if your parents treated you with respect, you wouldn't have these suspicions.

What do you think?

atina

Thanks for your reply.

I am unsure, but it's an interesting thought. I don't remember much of my early childhood but my parents were pretty absent. My mother was in psychosis (schizoaffective) and my dad was just struggling to keep us together financially. I had experiences of not feeling respected or feeling completely safe when I got older but I wouldn't call my parents abusive. When I was around 12 I started experiencing mental illness and from there until the end of highschool I was yelled at and punished for certain symptoms..that's probably where most of my tension with my parents is.

Dear DeficientTerrestrial:

When your parents yelled at you and punished you for having symptoms of anxiety, that was abuse. It was not your fault for suffering. You deserved empathy, kindness, not punishment. Sounds like your mother, having psychosis, and your father being overwhelmed, that these two were not available to be kind and loving to you. And in addition to this kind of neglect, there was also abuse.

Abuse doesn't have to be physical beatings horror-movies-style. For a child, to be screamed at by the most important people in the child's life, that is scary and hurtful enough, too much really.

Please do post again here, anytime and I will reply.

atina

Hello, sorry for the late response and thanks so much for answering.

I have had people tell me it was, and people tell me it wasn't abuse before, but I feel too guilty calling it that. They have been very supportive of me even if there were times they didn't respond well... It's strange to me because my siblings went through the same things I went through (and they were older so remember it more) but they have no problems with socializing or trusting others. They especially don't worry about the things I originally mentioned.

Dear DeficientTerrestrial:

I was abused and I too felt guilty to see it that way. Often abused children, even as adults, feel guilty, believing they were the cause of their mistreatment, feeling ashamed and guilty. No one more than a child (and an adult child) is more motivated to see the parents as good parents no matter what they did, denying abuse or knowing it happened on one level, sometimes but not believing themselves, not knowing it on a deeper level.

The siblings issue confused me too but I learned that different siblings suffer different symptoms. Two siblings are more likely to be different than any two strangers. That is because a sibling observes the other sibling and takes an opposite role.

So it is understandable that your siblings don't suffer your symptoms. But they do suffer other symptoms or distress.

atina