How can he get help?

My brother has delusion. On Friday my mom had to call 911 because he said he had to...he didn't want to...he had to kill my mom, me and himself. Natually she was scared and called 911. They took him to the hospital, who then transfered him to the local mental health hospital. This is the second time we have been through this cycle. So, he decided that he isn't willing to take any meds. My mom told him he couldn't come back home until he does and he said he didn't want to come home. He heard about a shelter downtown (Chicago) and he is gonna go there. Did I mention that hes 37, so there doesn't seem like much we can do. The hospital, will keep him for for a week or so and then they will let him go? I understand that people have "the right" to be delusional and as long as he isn't hurting anyone he has the right to be free, but don't they realize that he isn't himself? In his right mind he wouldn't choose to be homeless. He wouldn't think his family was trying to hurt/posion him! He wouldn't do alot of things he is doing? He doesn't have a job, so he doesn't have insurance! Is there anything that we can do to try and help him? I just don't know what to do?

I'm really sorry you and your mom are going through this. My daughter is close to your brother's age and it's really a nightmare to see them so ill but refusing help. Once your brother is in the hospital I would ask a social worker to get him on Medicaid since he doesn't work and has no insurance. I would also pressure the docs to keep him as long as possible even if you have to exaggerate his threats of doing harm to himself and others. You might mention that if they let him go without proper treatment and he does harm to someone you would hold them responsible.
Apparently it's close to impossible to get people with DD to see a therapist because of their absolute certainty that their delusions are real. I have also spent days on line searching for answers and a support group without much luck. I was disappointed in this group because most of the activity centers around people with jealous type spouses. I posted about a daughter with erotomania and delusions of reference but got no answers or support at all.
I hope your brother gets help and you and your mom get some peace.

Please do not stop posting. My husband has persecution type DD. I do not post very often, but read almost everyday. You can read my thread far down in the list.

I found that there are a lot of commonalities (is this a word?) between different kinds of DD, as well as the obvious differences. Refusal to get medical help, absolute conviction that they are right, distrust towards everyone, severe mood swings, the fact that their delusions are normal events that can actually happen ("Nonbizarre").

Most people who are dealing with DD relatives or friends, regardless of the type, describe the relationship as "walking on eggs". They also feel that their way of "normal" thinking is altered because of trying to cope with a DD person.

These are all the things I learned from this forum. No dr. ever told me these things. This forum is very valuable to me. I learned that it is my choice to decide whether to leave my husband or not. There are people out there who had done just that, and they are happy. I can also choose to stay with him. There are people out there who are staying with their DD spouses. I get ideas and information from them through this forum.

Well, as of today my brother has been homeless for a full week. We haven't heard one peep from him. I had to call the hospital to find out when he was released. I guess he really went to the shelter. WOW! My mom is afraid he is gonna show up at home....and I'm afraid that he won't. I try not to think about it, because it makes me sick to my stomach. I mean he can't be "doing well" on the streets. Everytime I see a homeless person walking I have turn around to see if its him. Well, it had given me a different perspective on homeless people thats for sure. I use to wonder how a persons family could let them get to that point. Why wouldn't someone take them in? I don't pray, but for those of you that do....please say a good one for him.

HisLilsis & Inuit:
Re support groups: Have you tried your local chapters of NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness)? When my husband was diagnosed I attended a local support group for families run by NAMI here. Most of the other participants were parents or siblings & would relate to what you are going through. What I got, pretty much from everyone in the group, was a kind of envy - I was a wife, not a blood relative, so I had an option, divorce, that they did not see themselves as having. But you can detach from a mentally ill relative who refuses treatment. It's really really hard & people you know who have not "been there" won't understand, but it is possible.
I have come to conclude that when you have a delusional loved one, you first go through all the stages of grief, denial, anger, bargining, etc., until you get to acceptance - acceptance that you are powerless against this disease & all you can control is your reaction. If your DD is dangerous, you need to protect yourself first - install an alarm system, make a plan for if he/she shows up (suggestion: if your DD shows up agitated, call for an ambulance, NOT police - mentally ill people get killed or arrested by police every day - most inmates are mentally ill people who would have been put in mental hospitals in the past, but are now warehoused in prisons).
In the case of a non-dangerous DD, you need to decide whether you can live with the delusion or not. Inuit: your daughter functions and supports herself and has friends. That she will not live a normal life because of her DD is not your fault and you cannot fix it. My ex's delusions are almost all confined to delusions about me, so my kids have made it a rule with their dad that he is not allowed to talk about me to them. He doesn't stick to the deal all the time, but most of the time, so they are able to maintain the semblence of a relationship with him. Could you tell your daughter that you love her dearly but you need her to not share her beliefs about her rock star admirer with you anymore? She's already learned not to tell her friends. You don't need to say you don't believe her, just that it makes you uncomfortable & if you are to maintain a relationship, she needs to keep this to herself. I know, as a mother, you want to fix her, really, my daughter has a chronic physical illness & I would give my right arm to cure, but I can't & you can't, and we both just have to accept it.

Faithful,
I know in my head that what you are saying is true I'm just having a hard time convincing my heart. I try to avoid conversations that go anywhere near the rock star, messages, and her computer friend who she thinks is the rock star. I have pretty much made up my mind to move to another state near another daughter. I'll only be an hour plane ride away, four by train or bus. My other children want me to get away from the daily living with the delusions because it's making me sick. This is really a very last resort because I have tried so hard to get her to seek help. She will know we are always there for her should she need help.
I think all of you will understand when I say that it's more than the discussions and arguments that make living with DD difficult. I find that I'm very tuned in to moods, voice changes, smiles and looks. I notice if she checks the caller ID on the phone more often or asks if there's mail too many times. A simple statement like her telling me a neighbor changed something on his house has all kinds of hidden meaning possibilities. I just can't stand my stomach in knots all the time and tip toeing around in my own home. I will not throw her out, she will stay here and pay me rent. Financially it will be very difficult for me to assume a mortgage at my age but it's something I will have to do. I'm not a very religious person but I remember one thing from the Bible that has always stuck in my mind and influenced many of my decisions. I'll probably mess it up but it goes something like this: Better a crust a bread eaten in peace than a banquet eaten in strife.

Inuit,

I found that quote, and yes, it is extremely appropriate:

"Better to eat a dry crust of bread with peace of mind than have a banquet in a house full of trouble."

I am not very religious either, but lately I found myself thinking about this kind of thing more and more, wondering what the possible purpose of things we are going through is, is it really only random mishap or is there some deeper purpose to it. One thing I realized is that maybe it took something as terrible as my husband's mental illness to make me realize that maybe we made some wrong decisions in our lives and cared too much about wrong things. However painful this is, I do see a possibility that this is a break in my life, something that will give me wisdom, something that will make me live up to what I can really do in life. Maybe, just maybe, it will be a break for him, too.

Good luck with your decision and I hope everything goes well!

Inuit, my mom also became ill, dealing with a child with DD must be impossible. He isn't home anymore, but she is still worrying herself sick. Hopefully over time it will get easier. He had been out of the house 3 weeks today. She is scared everyday that he will show up at her door. I'm sure she wishes she could move. I'm sure it won't be easy for you to move, but really your own health has to be your priority.
This forum really helps. Its nice to know you (me) aren't alone. Although it stinks everyone is going through it, its nice to have a place to vent.

HisLilSis,

I know exactly what you mean by looking at homeless the different way now. My husband also occassionally mentions (in moments of crisis or lucidity, hard to say anymore) that in the end of all this he will end up sleeping under the bridge. And unfortunately, yes, that is going to be one of possible outcomes although I am willing to help him out financially if/when I leave.

However difficult things are for me, I can't imagine being in your mother's shoes. I can somewhat dissociate myself from my husband, but children are very, very different matter, IMO.

I hope you and your mom find some peace soon....

Well one of the causes of delusions may be depression. Deep down he may have done something wrong he may need someone to talk to. Heck i would be willing to talk to him i myself have had ddo. So if you want to
shoot me an email at

pvtromeroarmyapg@yahoo.com

put something about ddo on it and i will be willing to shoot you an email back.