Delusional disorder? Or what the...

I dont Even know where to start.
I believe i was ill, maybe around 2000 untill about 2002.. i got diagnosed schizoaffective. Had the whole visual/auditory hallucinations. Well i took medication but felt fine after awhile... So i decided to get out of the whole "mental health" system.. that was actually good for me... No bad symptoms, i wasnt always doing Great. .. but well i didnt have too many friends, bad friends or what can i say...

But since then i realised ive Had about 20 Jobs. . Everything keeps screwing up, i did not feel like people like me.. and in a way many avoided me.. i Had a bad childhood and still have some kind of trauma and anger issues but working on it and i am alot more call today...
The problem i can not get rid of is the paranoia... it Just appears, or the problems might be real but they seem to overshadow everything.
I feel like my ex employer is out to get me, also my ex Stepdad and her family as well as her...
I feel i have no friends and as soon as someone New enters they are out to get me... i dont really know what is realistic or not any more. .. i mean i feel There is some truth to things. . Lately im working and studying, and i have 2 daughters... 1 which i cant see and the other which i have over... the break up was hard.. and we are still figuring things out...
Alot of mental agony over the 1 ex which denies me to see the oldest Child. . And much trouble acquiring New Jobs and relying on the ex-step dad as a job reference. .. i work out, study, work and try to be social (which sometimes works somettes not) ... this is the most happy i feel i can be.. as i didnt like how i felt in the system or on meds... but i am considering therapy .. several people think its a good idea... i Just dont know

Wow. I can completely relate to you so it's so strange for me to want to tell you that it just can't be that all those people are out to get you when I just had a similar experience in an institution. I thought/still think all of the nurses hated and wete annoyed by me. I heard them saying things I feel surely they wouldn't have said out loud, but hey, they're people, they have opinions. Huge internal debate. Are you still debating it or do you full on believe it? It's difficult dealing with people when you feel this way, don't you think? I hate paranoia. I hope you get to see your daughter soon. That's terribly sad.

Thank you for the reply.

I am not sure if i believe the paranoia or not, i feel it comes in waves or shall i say it lasts for periods of time.
Sometimes i do and sometimes i don't believe it.
I am having a better period now, although i still have episodes which i feel are a sort of stepback.
Glad because of the summertime, trying to work out more and trying to get enough working hours.

Yes, it's really hard occasionally.
It kind of does feel like being trapped inside a dark room at the worst compared to just a sidethought at the more milder stages.


it has to be something inside our minds and not so much the people outside, we just have to try our best and be objective instead of letting the feelings take the upper hand of the situation.

How does it shift for you?