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Bf in denial of delusions about being the Messiah - HELP

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Bf in denial of delusions about being the Messiah - HELP

Postby person123 » Tue Mar 15, 2016 11:30 pm

I need advice from anyone who has experienced long term delusions/psychosis and come back to reality, or who has been close to someone who has. Sorry for the really long message.

My boyfriend since a bit over 2 years is right now in the hospital for the 4th time due to psychosis from smoking cannabis. But he also has delusions about being the Messiah and has had them his whole life, with or without cannabis.

Here is some background:
My boyfriend (34 years old) appears as a tiny bit “strange” I guess to some people, but according to me it has always just been in a good way. He is what some people would call a conspiracy theoretic because he basically thinks the entire system of society in this world is messed up, but also that it is very well planned. He basically talks about Illuminati but in his own version. He is extremely (and I mean, like extraordinary) intellectual and has a logical way of thinking and understanding that I have never experienced before. He is also a serious thinker, he can spend hours just thinking deeply about things (anything!). This also leads to him always winning arguments and discussions because he has always already thought about the subject before and come to a conclusion of what his point of view is. He often thinks people are not on the same intellectual level as he is, and that he wants someone to challenge his thoughts but no one rarely does. I do think he is a bit arrogant in this way but at the same time agree with him – no one rarely is on the same intellectual level as him. He also often has new ideas about things he wants to try, and he always talks about them in a spiritual way or in relation to what I describe below – his delusions. For example last year he tried water fasting, meaning he only consumed water for several days up to several weeks and did this like every month for about a year. 24 days was the longest period of time. He has also tried something called urine therapy – drinking your own urine. All very unusual things but these are really typical for him to do.

Early in our relationship he told me about a certain idea he has had basically his whole life. To sum it up (although it can be a really long story) it is about him being the Messiah. Or actually he’s Satan, but the world has misunderstood the concept of Satan and Satan is actually who everyone believes is the Messiah/Jesus/prophet etc. But he calls it/himself Lucifer. He has a really well thought out plan that consists of a 3rd world war starting within 2-3 years (this can of course actually be true), he thinks it will break out in 2018, in which he will die from a gunshot and then reappear in another form – his actual form – and then he will be the leader of the new world. He will lead it from Jerusalem. The new world will be amazing, it will be what everyone has always referred to as Paradise. I will also be super famous because I obviously have been in a relationship with Lucifer, and I will be on talkshows and stuff. This whole idea or plan is really fascinating to listen to and also sounds quite logical when he tells it. Of course they are delusions, but I never used to think of them as him being sick or anything, instead I just always thought he has really really good imagination. I guess I have just been really naïve.

He has been hospitalized 3 times before because of cannabis psychosis. I thought that was just part of his past and he hasn’t been smoking cannabis during our relationship. However he started doing that again about 3 months ago, against my will but there was no stopping him. I went abroad for 6 weeks, and he became the mouse that dances on the table when the cat is gone, and started smoking cannabis on a daily basis from what had been 1-2 times a week before I left. I didn’t know but I was worrying that it would happen during my whole trip. Days before I went back home I got a message from his mother saying he has had another psychosis and has been hospitalized (it hasn’t happened since about 3-4 years ago before this time), the police brought him in and he had been violent towards them (he is not at all a violent person). Since then tings have just been chaotic. This was about 3 weeks ago. He was in the hospital for about 1,5 weeks, then got to go home but still had to go back there every now and then and continue to take antipsychotic medication. So I had just come home from my trip and was super confused and worried, and he has just not been himself since then. We have been arguing a lot when he has been home, I have been upset because he hasn’t seemed to take this whole thing seriously, like it’s not a big thing that he had a psychosis. He has also treated both me and his family very disrespectfully in several ways but each time it has been brought up he has been angry and said that it’s US disrespecting HIM. He has overall been angry and impatient, also things I have never seen before with him. I kept reminding myself he just had a psychosis and is probably still kind of in it (I have understood it can take quite some time to completely get out of one), and that I should try to be understanding. But it has been really difficult. 2 days ago, we had another argument and he spontaneously broke up with me in anger because he thought I was being disrespectful towards him. I went home to my mother’s, very upset, whilst he wasn’t upset at all but instead just calmly packed all my stuff in our shared apartment in a couple of hours like it was no big deal for him that we would split up. Our relationship was wonderful and full of love just a few months ago so of course this has hurt me. But again, I remind myself he is not being himself, and if he is sick I need to support and be there for him, not be angry with him for it.

He still thinks he is Lucifer. The medication has not helped one bit and he does absolutely not agree that there could be any problems with him. Today he was going to get out of the hospital completely and he was looking forward to it, and has no plans what so ever of taking any medication once he is out. However the doctors decided to keep him for a while longer because 1) he won’t take his meds and 2) they have realized he still has his delusions.

We are still “friends”, or whatever, I have told him that I want to be there for him and he accepts it and appreciates it and I think he trusts me. But he has just recently cut off his family and doesn’t want to talk to them because they keep saying he is sick and needs medication. I don’t want to be cut off because then he will have no one, so I don’t want to go that same road. I am in our apt again taking care of our dog and will visit him everyday. But I really don’t know how to handle this whole thing. He says now that he will tell the doctors he doesn’t have these delusions anymore just so he can get out, eventhough he does have them. The reason is that he doesn’t trust the doctors, he also doesn’t believe there is such thing as a mental disorder or psychotic illness. He does kind of admit he did have a psychosis but only blames the cannabis. He said today that “it is said we live in a society where you can believe in whatever religion you want. But that’s #######4, you are only allowed to believe in the big religions, and there are fundamentalists that to insane things for their religion. They don’t go to the hospital and are forced to take medication, but I do because I have these thoughts that aren’t hurting anyone. It’s not a religious free society, you’re not allowed to think or believe in whatever you want”. And I hate to say it but I agree with him! It does sound so wrong when you put it that way. Or am I just being totally manipulated??

I am realizing the cannabis put him in the psychosis but the delusions are there with or without the cannabis and have been his whole life. I really don’t know what to do. I do feel that there is nothing unhealthy about him apart from his delusions, and of course the fact that he hasn’t been himself but that is due to the psychosis. The delusions have never hurt him or anyone. He has an apartment which he takes care of, he is financially stable and really good with his money, he is currently unemployed but I know he could find a job if he tried because it has never been a problem for him before (he as a business degree and has had great careers, however never stayed long at a job), he takes good care of our dog, he is/was a fantastic boyfriend… he ‘just’ thinks he is Satan…! He also says he feels REALLY GOOD right now and doesn’t see any point in taking medications seeing as he doesn’t agree that he is sick or has any mental issues, and doesn’t feel bad in anyway, like no anxiety or anything like that. He feels like his only problem right now is everyone telling him he is sick. How can I tell him he should be honest to the doctors, that he should take his meds, that he is NOT a Messiah… or should I at all? Should I just go with it and listen? Is he sick and how serious is it??

Please, any advice would be deeply appreciated. I feel desperate. Sorry about the really long message and thank you for reading.
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Re: Bf in denial of delusions about being the Messiah - HELP

Postby person123 » Wed Mar 16, 2016 8:17 am

Wow I didnt even realize the message was that long. Here is the short version:
Boyfriend is in hospital for thr 4th time because of cannabis psychisis, thinks he is the Messiah (but instead Satan) and has had delusiions about that his whole life. Denies he is sick and will refuse medications as soon as he gets out, is now lying to the doctors to get out.
Broke up with me a few days ago but I am still around and want to support him.
What should or can I do?

Any advice is deeply appreciated!
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Re: Bf in denial of delusions about being the Messiah - HELP

Postby RecoveryGuru » Tue Apr 19, 2016 11:01 am

I have been to the hospital 7 times between ages 15 to 24. First for suicide attempt and the rest delusions. I am now 30 and have learned a lot since then. I did not read the long message, but I read the short one.

Could you tell me your main concern?

Are you afraid of him hurting you (anyone) or himself?

I used to think i was Jesus many times. It was mainly because I was a christian and had a disorder. The delusions usually work with ones current belief system. When I was buddhist I thought I was Buddha. When I was in transition between religions I thought I was a reincarnated Jesus.

After he gets help from the hospital, maybe you should share reality with him. What he may see or be hearing. What the day is or even help him better his time.
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