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what is wrong with me?

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what is wrong with me?

Postby bg182 » Sat Oct 10, 2015 4:27 am

Hi,

I find it really hard to explain without wittering on. But here we go.
I've suffered with anxiety and depression for as long as I remember. I lost my mum 2 years ago suddenly and unexpectedly to a rare heart condition. I was so convinced that I could and possibly would die at any moment and there was nothing I could do about it. I had panic attacks for months until I had a health check on my heart showing no underlying conditions. I've been sort of okay since then, apart from a few little things which haven't made sense until now. After her death I suddenly had a fear of flying, as if I was going to get on the plane and die and no one knew about it except me. Which is difficult but I can live with it. Also another small change, whenever I knew I had a social event coming up, I would panic that people would all be thinking behind my back that I'd let myself go or put weight on since they'd last seen me. So I'd desperately try and lose weight or cancel.
Fast forward to my current problems, which I only really thought of as a problem of mine as of today. I'd started getting harassing calls to my personal phone from a woman saying her boyfriend had a missed call from me, I must have dialled by accident. I apologised but she would ring me up to 10 times per day. She even rang from a private number pretending to be the police to get my details. So I changed my number but in my head constantly I just kept thinking she would find me and harm me. Then around 2 weeks later, I was at home for the weekend alone. I got a knock at my door. Didn't answer it. I wasn't expecting anyone. 5 further times throughout the evening someone had came to my door and knocked. Any reasonable person would see this as a harmless coincidence. .perhaps they had the wrong address. But I couldn't bring myself to answer it. I was certain in my mind someone had came to hurt me. It was so real to me that I was paralysed with fear. I have no idea if this means anything or nothing but id appreciate your opinions.


Thanks.
bg182
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