What was wrong with me??

So, idk. This is very weird, i've only shared this with one person, i don't want to be labeled crazy or anything. but, i remember, when i was a kid, probably 7 or 8, my older female cousin had rented these movies, they were gore movies, like real life executions, killings, etc. Anyways, she wouldn
t show it to us, me and my brothers, but i knew where she left them ( she was around 25 at that time). One day, again me being around 7, i thought to myself, that i wasn't strong enough, that i had to be strong to be in this world. So one day she left, i was home alone, and i started to view these tapes. They were horrifying, something too scary even for an adult. I remember executions, beheadings, etc just the worst things you can think of. I couldn't stand it, but i needed to be strong. By the time i was done, my hands wouldn't stop shaking. I was completely scared and felt traumatized. I never told anyone, at least not til recently. Why did i do that?? am i crazy? I mean, who decides to do something so stupid, it left me traumatized, who traumatizes themselves??