Delusional Disorder - Jealousy

Let me begin by saying that I need a lot of help. For a little over two years my life has been a living hell and getting worse everyday.

I met and fell in love with the most wonderful man. The first three years were absolutely perfect. We were both extremely happy, living together, and planning our future.

Then without cause, he accused me of cheating on him. I reassured him that I was not cheating and how much I loved him. The accusation bothered me but I was not overly concerned. He made two other accusations within a few weeks. I knew he had no proof because I wasn't cheating and I was extremely hurt and upset. At this point I had no idea who he thought I was having this affair with. Within two months time the situation escalated and he insisted that I was having an affair with his best friend.

I was in shock and disbelief and had kept this our secret because I was sure I was going to be able to get thru to him. On my bday he invited our closest friends, one being his best friend to our home. He was behaving strange and I was getting angry when it happened. A male stripper showed up at the door. I immediately knew it was malicous and not your ordinary kind of stripper. I'll shorten this story and just tell you that I was forced to cooperate and I was crying the entire time. I was made to do the most degrading and humiliating things plus it was being video taped. You would think that since I was crying either the stripper or one of my friends would have made him stop. Nobody came to my defense. I confided to one of my girlfriends about Rick's accusations and that this was most certainly done to hurt me.

That was the first of many mistakes I made and after reading some of these posts, I can tell you that I've made them all.

On xmas day he asked me to marry him. I stupidly thought he had come to his senses. I would soon later discover that two days after his proposal he covertly placed a voice recorder in our bedroom before going out of town. He hears things on this tape that just are not there but he placed it by the TV which is always on so it's not very clear.

His constant accusations and relentless pressure for me to just be truthful so we could be happy again quickly put me in a deep depression. He would later describe his tactics as chinese water torture. I missed weeks of work, isolated myself to prevent more accusations, and desperately tried to account for my time and the things on the tape. His moods became erratic and he began making threats to me against his best friend Ernie. I felt I had to tell Ernie about Ricks accusations.

Major mistake...by telling I humiliated him and it's been retaliation ever since. For about a year I was defending one perceived affair with Ernie. During that time I took two lie detector tests one of which he setup. I passed both of course but he accused me of giving the examiner a blow job in return for passing.

Then I spent over $2500 having the tape forensically anaylized. He didn't accept those results either. He was still hiding recorders everywhere. I eventually lost my career 17 year job, our house sold so we moved to New Orleans for his job. I managed to convince him to see a therapist which also gave me false hope. Somehow he managed to convince the therapist I was guilty. Once the therapist validated his beliefs I knew it was hopeless but I was still trying to be rational with an irrational person. The more this went on the worse he got.

The unjust accusations, losing my job, moving, losing all of our friends put me in a very desparate state of mind. Severely depressed, suicidal, very frustrated and no support from the therapist caused me to make my next major mistake. Rick promised he would stop if I just confessed. I wanted it to stop so badly that I falsely confessed. He of course broke his promise and I recanted my confession. He was obsessed with looking for more proof and listening to audio tracks of tapes. He started purchasing special voice anaylizing equipment and software. No amount of proof of my fidelity made any difference.

My next mistake was getting his brother and nephew involved. My own therapist told me Rick could have a physical problem like a brain tumor causing this and that I should get him to a doctor. His nephew is a medical doctor and the reason I spoke to his brother. Don't make this mistake because it causes more humiliation.

I was barely hanging on emotionally and then Hurricane Katrina happened. We evacuated to Birmingham and stayed in a hotel for over a month. Every other aspect of our relationship is perfect. We handled the stress of katrina with no problem but the accusation, the fighting over it, and his retaliations never stopped. He was still leaving threatening voicemails on friends phones, filing false affidaviets of child sexual abuse and drug dealing against Ernie, writing letters to Ernies employer, handing out packets of CD audio tracks and a letter stating his accusation, and doing record searches for Ernies family members and ex-wife in an attempt to cause Ernie to lose custody of his son.

His job temporarily relocated us in Memphis where we stayed in a hotel for about three months. That was when the other accusations began. At that point I never left the hotel room unless I was with him. I never made eye contact, tried not to use my cell phone and always answered his calls immediately. I made sure he knew all of my computer/email/voicemail passwords. Let him put keylogging software on my computer. Nothing made a difference. I would spend all of my free time on the internet looking for answers. He accused me of having sex with one of the married police officers that came to the hotel every morning for free breakfast. I found it interesting that he chose a police officer. He bugged the hotel room and says he paid the maid to spy on me. He insists he has solid evidence of my sexual addiction. In addition to the police officer he also thinks I go to stores or down to the hotel lobby and pick a different man to have sex with. He began showing up during the day to try and catch me which made him madder because I'm not doing these things. It was now affecting his job which he eventually lost.

We returned to New Orleans after he lost his job to begin repairs to the house. As long as he could keep me by his side he was okay but still trying to get me to be truthful. He landed a great new job within a couple of months but it requires him to travel five days a week. I'm still very depressed, isolated and trying to find a job. New accusations began, now I was having sex with some man in a white truck from Mississippi. While out running some errands I noticed someone following me. I thought I was imagining things so I decided to go to the grocery store. I was under surveillance all that week. I kept it to myself thinking that the investigator would tell him I wasn't having an affair. That didn't make any difference either. I was just too good at hiding the truth.

Now he is accusing me of having sex with someone up the street. We have a waterfront home and he thinks this man cruises his fishing boat back and forth in front of the house. He says he knows his name, SSN, phone and address but I know he is lying because I have found more record searches. His drinking compounds the problem. He is now telling me he is going to kill this mans wife and kids and make him confess.

Rick has done the most hurtful things to me in order to get my confessions. For the last year he has had a profile on Match.com looking for other women to have sex with in order to even the score.

The therapist that validated him refuses to see us again. That's a big problem because he is the only one Rick trusts. We are seeing another therapist. This therapist isn't buying in to Rick's delusions. Yesterday the doctor privately told me he believed Rick is suffering from delusional disorder. You might think I was relieved to finally have a diagnoses but I'm not. A diagnoses of delusional jealousy disorder means that I will never get thru to Rick. Now as a result, Rick is very angry and determined to end our relationship.

I am now completely dependant on him for money, food, car, home, etc. But the truth is that even if I had the resources to leave, I know I wouldn't. I can't get the Rick I fell in love with out of my mind. I now have delusions of this having a happy ending. He goes out of town now and doesn't call. He is agitated and angry most of the time. We sleep in the same bed but he won't touch me. He's my best friend and I miss him so much. I don't know how to let go. Every minute of everyday is spent on this problem. My own behavior has become pathological. I can't be mad at him because he really believes his delusions. I see him cry because he feels so much hurt and pain. I don't know what to do. The therapist is telling me to back off for a while because Rick has agreed to continue therapy. It's not going to help, I know the only reason he goes is to play these tapes to gain another validation.