What do you think started your delusional world?

Hello Everyone,

I think my delusional world started because my parents were hermits and forced us to do the same. I was allowed to have friends up until the age of 5 where we lived in a small town in our own home. My parents were comfortable with the neighbors and allowed us to 'play on the street' then come home when the street lights came on. It was a wonderful life.

Then we moved to a cramped apartment in a large city - on a busy street. I was not allowed to leave the apartment (except to go to school) for the next 6 years. It was brutally lonely. We had become poor. My mother began working and ordered that everyone stay home where 'we would be safe'.

At the beginning of the school year I was allowed two pairs of pants, two shirts, two socks, one pair of sneakers, one pair of shoes and that was it until summer when I was allowed to own a bathing suit and one pair of flipflops which always cut my toes. Most winters I got a coat, boots and one pair of soft mittens. Our beds were mats on the floor and I was always cold. Our apt had cockroaches and my parents both smoked.

Since I was the youngest - everyone got to eat first and there was never enough food left for me. I was skeletal, sickly, sad and starving - all the time. I got my first doll by stealing it from the lost and found at school. I was desperate from something to love and hold. Those were terrible times - and my dad started drinking every night.

When my father got a better job we moved to a small city and rented a house. I was so excited for the possibility of being allowed to leave the house - but it didn't happen.

Mom had become crazy. Dad was drinking. I tried making friends and I believe they liked me but I wasn't able to keep up with the other girls. No cloths. No bike and my mother would not allow me to wash more than once a week. She felt it wasn't necessary. It took up to much time. She had problems of her own and then their was Dads was drinking. I now understand that he too had had a delusional break. It was the era of 'Fiddler on the Roof'. Dad would dance around the house pretending he was a Russian Jew. He would sing the songs from the musical and tell us he would disown us if we did something he didn't like - and he meant it. It was like the movie gave him permission to hate us.

So I developed fake friends. I could go on with my story but I think you can figure most of it out. I've been struggling ever since to fit in and be liked but I always had secrets. Now I have the internet and am going to let go of the delusional friends that I made to help me survive years. I am going to sit here and tell the truth until I am well.

Not bad for a woman over 50 isn't it????

What is your story?

kate

No one ready to post their story yet?

Kate

Hi Kate,
For me, my brain broke during a time of tremendous physical change.

The way I perceived my reality was rooted in the belief systems I was grounded in during my childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood.

The *cause, of my delusions was brain disease. The way it expressed itself was reflective of the belief systems I was raised with.

When I read other's stories of their experience of psychosis it is almost predictable how our brains break in similar ways depending on our cultural and social identities.

Hope that helps.
Sunny