Imaginary Friend Has Not Gone Away

Hello everyone. I don't think that I'm delusional, but I thought maybe this would be the best place to post something like this and not get judged. Or maybe the fact that I don't see anything wrong with this means that I am delusional?

I always had imaginary friends. When I was ten, shortly after a very important person in my life passed away, this one came along. He doesn't really have a name--I haven't thought about it. He was very kind and comforting, and always stayed rational when I was being irrational, talking me out of stupid things and giving me someone to vent to whenever I was alone. We're married, by the way, and he's my best friend I have but he's not real. He has a completely different personality than I do, which enables him to give me a different perspective on things. He takes care of me by reminding me to get some sleep or eat something or take my meds. I've helped him with some of his issues too. He had a really traumatic childhood because his family wasn't exactly poor but wasn't by any means well-off, and then his father got cancer and after a long battle, died. His mother was convinced that, had they more money, they could have paid for expensive treatments that might have saved the father's life. She put my husband under a lot of pressure to get a good education and a good job. She just wanted the best for him, but it made him feel really insecure like he could never be good enough. He went to University to become a psychiatrist, but dropped out after just one year because he just didn't feel like all that schooling was the best use of his life.

He now writes for a very obscure and intellectual magazine, which gives him a very flexible schedule so he can be with me most of the time. I get really impatient when he isn't and I need to tell him something. He has some kind of trouble with his leg that the doctors haven't figured out yet, but believe to be neurological, and that explains why I'm always driving when we ride in the car together. We have a lot of fun; last time we were driving around to different shops, we played this game where we would pick a letter and list all our favourite words beginning with that letter.

Listen to me, talking like he's a real person! I swear I know he isn't, but it helps to have him to talk to because I tend to isolate myself and never discuss my feelings with real people, but I still need to get them out and then have someone make suggestions or just tell me it will be okay. I don't talk to him in public, though I've had to stop myself once or twice because I almost forgot.

He's not a problem; I'm aware he isn't real, and he helps me. But I know not everyone has imaginary husbands complete with a personality and detailed back story and an annoying mother who phones every now and again, who has his own opinions and gives pretty good advice. I also worry because I wonder if it will prevent me from getting a "real" husband in the future. I catch myself thinking quite often that I don't need one at all because he provides all the companionship and support I need. But what if it isn't actually enough and I'll go through life not knowing what I'm missing?

I just wonder if anyone can tell me whether this is healthy or not, and indeed if it is a delusion.

Hello,

Thanks for posting your description. I think you are both crazy and not crazy - like me.

I think we have found a way to get past loneliness by creating fictional characters to fill the need for people in our lives. I also think that the extent of it could be considered delusional in that we are living in the worlds we create for long periods of time - to the exclusion of living people so it is like never getting off a Ferris Wheel.

Loneliness and isolation = fake friends = more loneliness and fake friends

So in my mind - the delusion is manufactured by use because it is fun but it takes me away from experiencing real friendships

Perhaps our issue is one of impatience? I get frustrated easily when trying to make new (real) friends so I revert to my fake friends instead of investing time in new relationships.

Does this make sense for you? Are we just impatient people?

Kate2015 wrote:Hello,

Thanks for posting your description. I think you are both crazy and not crazy - like me.

I think we have found a way to get past loneliness by creating fictional characters to fill the need for people in our lives. I also think that the extent of it could be considered delusional in that we are living in the worlds we create for long periods of time - to the exclusion of living people so it is like never getting off a Ferris Wheel.

Loneliness and isolation = fake friends = more loneliness and fake friends

So in my mind - the delusion is manufactured by use because it is fun but it takes me away from experiencing real friendships

Perhaps our issue is one of impatience? I get frustrated easily when trying to make new (real) friends so I revert to my fake friends instead of investing time in new relationships.

Does this make sense for you? Are we just impatient people?

This makes an awful lot of sense! I am an extremely impatient person, and so it would stand to reason that I would be too impatient to invest in real relationships. Which would explain why I created someone fictional and rationalise that I don't need real people--my needs for companionship are met by this figment of my imagination.

It's good to know that there's someone out there like me. Yes, it may be delusional, but as you say, it's fun, so I guess that brings up the interesting question: are all delusions necessarily harmful? I mean yes, one could argue that our imaginary relationships are preventing us from seeking real ones, but who's to say we would anyway? I think the fact that I'm not the best at sustaining real relationships is what caused me to create the imaginary one--not the other way around.

I think the whole intent of mental health is to be happy and secure with who you are. So, therefore, if a delusion creates this happiness and security, is it a mental illness at all? I think this question needs to be seriously explored, because it could change the whole approach in the field.

Anyway--so you wouldn't say your fictional people are a problem? That's what I'm kind of getting from your response. Which is comforting because I definitely don't see mine as a problem, but I was wondering if not seeing a problem was a problem you know what I mean?

Hello 'Insanity Burns Through' aka IBT,

I have a response in my head but it is long-ish. I have just got home from a 6 hour drive and am tired. I will respond tomorrow. I just wanted to let you know that I had read the post.

kate

Hello,

'This makes an awful lot of sense! I am an extremely impatient person, and so it would stand to reason that I would be too impatient to invest in real relationships. Which would explain why I created someone fictional and rationalise that I don't need real people--my needs for companionship are met by this figment of my imagination.

It's good to know that there's someone out there like me. Yes, it may be delusional, but as you say, it's fun, so I guess that brings up the interesting question: are all delusions necessarily harmful? I mean yes, one could argue that our imaginary relationships are preventing us from seeking real ones, but who's to say we would anyway? I think the fact that I'm not the best at sustaining real relationships is what caused me to create the imaginary one--not the other way around.

I think the whole intent of mental health is to be happy and secure with who you are. So, therefore, if a delusion creates this happiness and security, is it a mental illness at all? I think this question needs to be seriously explored, because it could change the whole approach in the field.

Anyway--so you wouldn't say your fictional people are a problem? That's what I'm kind of getting from your response. Which is comforting because I definitely don't see mine as a problem, but I was wondering if not seeing a problem was a problem you know what I mean?'


Hello,

You make some interesting points. Are our delusions harmful? I think they are for me because I spend too much time engaged in them. What I know is that I am proud of myself when I go out with other people and have a good time - even if it is just for a short period. It makes me feel full and normal.

It is true for me that my poor social skills has prevented me from being able to develop relationships BUT little by little that is changing because I have been forcing myself to respond when someone else reaches out to me. It's been hard because it means making myself vulnerable to rejection and that has happened so often that it has shamed me. I've been embarrassed to be me - but I have found that ensuring that I am connecting with others who are more similar to me on the social scale has helped lessened my experiences of rejection. I have done this by waiting for others to reach out to me rather than trying to enter into a group that is already formed. It means that i now have one friend who contacts me regularly and another mutual friend of hers. We went out together for a burger and it was really nice.

I think that one of the main things that has kept my social skills from being developed is my delusions of Grandeur. It has always led me to attempt to form friendships with people who are higher on the social scale than I am - so I got rejected. I am not a wonderful person who has done great things. I have not saved the world nor do I have great skills. I am just a woman who lives in her apartment. I work at a less than fancy department store and have sore feet at the end of the day. So 'no' I should not be trying to be friends with people who have ordered their lives and been able to accomplish things.

This time around, I am have been accepting offers of friendship from people who are on my social level. I have been trying to accept that I do not possess the greatness that I think I have so I can relate to them effectively. THAT is the hard part. I think my delusions have given me a false sense of who I really am then leading me in the wrong direction of expectation.

So are my delusions harmful to me? Yes - because they keep my social skills from being developed which prevents me from making real friends. I'm lonely and don't want to be any more. This needs to be fixed. The great accomplishment that I will have during my lifetime - will be to conquer this lifestyle.

Kate