Pleasure Dysfunction

Hello,

I am not diagnosed, but I strongly suspect I have mild (or more) Delusional Disorder. Or possibly Schizoaffective. My father is strongly Delusional with no Insight. My brothers too. People say I'm shy, but really, I don't understand what they are talking about when they talk to me. More than three sentences, and I don't feel right. Some days are better than others. People have told me that when they start talking to me, I walk away. I'm starting to gain insight, that I've had a problem all my life with this. ( I have been diagnosed with Aspergers a long time ago)

My main issue, is that after a "verbal event" with my husband in 2012, from which my mind interpreted more agrression than there was...anyway, my mind just flipped out in 2012 and I haven't been the same sinse. The verbal "event" came out of nowhere ( I made him mad by claiming that nothing was mine financially) to which he screamed "Nothing is yours" which my mind interpreted as "I can't have my mind". Anyway, its hard to describe the event. But my mind flipped after that. Before and for a whole year, I was obsessed with a coworker, and had been increasingly in a manic state (because I thought he was my friend) . I've seen therapists and such who recommended Zyprexa, but I'm not interested right now.

My main issue, which I hope someone out there can relate, is that I cannot enjoy simple pleasures anymore, and I"m not talking about the "blues" or a bad mood. I can't enjoy caffeine, it makes me confused and aggressive. I don't feel like I have access to my "higher mind". And most importantly, and not to be graphic, which I'm not but others may think this is inappropiate, when I have an orgasm, it doesn't release good vibes like they used to. They make me feel angry, and if I have sex or just orgasm by myself before work, I am aggressive all day at work. Sex still feels good, though not as good, but I don't look forward to orgasm, because its like replicating the traumatic "brain event" that happened in 2012. In other words, the memory of my brain "flipping out" (Cortisol, Adrenaline, Survival Instinct, Delusional Burn) is triggered by orgasms. Basically, my mind interprets thing erroneously. Every orgasm retraumatizes my brain. I've been cast in a horror movie without permission. Before this event, I felt more in control of my life.

This has gone on since 2012. Doctors don't like the subject, so I haven't found anyone to help me. What happened to my mind? I feel I"ve been robbed of the most simple human joys. What a curse, to have to shut down your own sex drive, because orgasms make you feel homicidal (exaggeration, but close).

Has anyone else out there had this experience? I don't know what to do. I am a woman. Doctors wont' help, or quickly dismiss the topic.

Jazz

I'm sorry that I don't know very much about this, but speaking from personal experience, the atmosphere and effort you have to achieve an orgasm can greatly change the effects of the orgasm. Maybe you could still have enjoyable ones if you went about it a different way?