Delusion of sexual identity?

I am a bipolar woman and I have been suffering from delusions for quite some time. It started as a child where I always thought someone was after me, and followed me into adulthood. Now it has become more serious things, like thinking I am getting signs sent from God and that the police are after to arrest me.

All my life (I am 26) I have been essentially "boy crazy." I never once thought of a girl or a woman in any sexual way, ever. My first crushes were boys, all my long and short term relationships were men, and now I am in a very happy relationship with a man I hope to marry.

I woke up one morning recently with the realization that I "turned into a lesbian" overnight. I am doing everything I can in my mind to justify this, and I haven't slept in days telling myself that I would definitely prefer being with a woman over a man. I am running every scenario over in my head to compare and contrast to see who I would like better.

When I look at men, I KNOW they are attractive, but they appear cartoon-like, almost like monkeys or cardboard paper. But when I look at a woman, I am drawn to her and how pretty she is. My therapist says I am suffering from depersonalization disorder when looking at the men, because I am scared of how I am going to perceive them.

I am terrified and I can't sleep. I don't want to be gay. Is what I am suffering from just another delusion that I can work out and will pass, or can you actually "turn into a lesbian overnight" after being straight for nearly 27 years?

I'm sorry you feel so upset right now. I recommend talking to a doctor as soon as possible. I hope you are able to find peace of mind, and that you can learn to love yourself regardless of your orientation. You may want to talk to some LBGT groups, I think it will be easier to accept these thoughts, if you accept diversity, but medication can help too. Especially with the anxiety and loss of sleep. THere are peer support groups through NAMI and my best advice is to get help from a trained mental health provider. Someone who can help you sort through your emotional response to these beliefs. If you are a threat to yourself or to others go to an emergency department at a hospital.

Sunny