Paranoid boyfriend - I'm not coping

I don't think I can do this any more.

Last night he told me the full extent of his paranoia. When we first fell in love, I listened to him talk about these "mystical" experiences he'd had, and I was so dazzled by him, I almost believed too. Now I can see they were hallucinations. He kept saying, "How can you explain what happened to me?" and I can't say, "It's a symptom of psychosis."

Then there's all this stuff about how he dreamed the identity of a murderer, and told the police, and the way the policewoman said goodbye was some kind of sinister "sign", and later he saw this supposed murderer socializing with some policemen. And now my boyfriend is a marked man.

What gets me is that I didn't see earlier that this is psychosis. We both have mental health problems - we met in a drop-in centre - and, like everyone there, he says he has "anxiety and depression" (I do have these things, but I have very severe anxiety, and I am autistic).

He's been having a breakdown. The neighbours at his (we don't live together) are talking about him, he says. He told me all about these things last night. Perhaps because of the autism, I have a delayed response to things, because it was only today I got upset about this aspect of it: that, although he knows it's an irrational thought, he thinks that I have been trying to poison him.

He left me for a couple of months over Christmas: I went though hell. Then he asked to come back and I took him back. I don't trust him not to go again. But I am very lonely, and scared of being alone.

Because of the autism I have to work hard at relationships and I am always anxious not to upset people. Now I keep thinking of myself trying to hard to support and help him, trying to keep him, and him thinking: She's trying to poison me.

I know it's mental illness but it hurts like crazy. That I tried so very hard, and loved him so much, and he thought that.

He's always been worried I'll cheat on him. When we were together, there was never any thought of anyone else in my mind. But after he dumped me, I did fall in love with someone else (who wasn't interested). But the crush is still there.

It's falling apart and I'm exhausted.

He is getting medical attention. He is aware he's paranoid (or at least aware some of it is paranoia). There's no answer to this really. I just needed to spill it out.

Thank you for sharing Brevity. Your story is relate-able. I can sympathize with feeling somehow *unlovable* due to stigma, I feel it too.

Having a secure attachment and loving unconditionally is the only way I know how to overcome jealousy, but it is something the other person must address and embrace, your love. If he can't do that, then it is him. It isn't you.

Sunny