Just in need of support

Well I gave him my lawyers info tonight and things went smooth. I said I figured we just might as well legalize everything that we are already doing. He just said, "Did she come up with a number?" I guess he thinks it's that easy. I told him no. I said he would receive a letter from my attorney saying she is representing me and he could have his lawyer contact her. He said okay. He also asked me how much he should give me for our son's Christmas presents. That was a bit of a suprise. I was nervous about telling him. I don't know why. Why was I worried that he would be mad? I guess it's still some of that emotional control lingering on. Keep your fingers crossed that everything continues to go smooth. I just hate controversy!

Hi everybody,

Things are moving along. My lawyer sent him a general letter saying she was representing me. Nothing fancy. He sent a copy to his brother with a note attached saying, see she is in a hurry to get a divorce so she can get with her boyfriend. I received a copy of the divorce papers. I had my atty redo them since they read kind of harsh. I told her lets just do this as nice as possible. She redid them and I am guessing he received them by now. I am sure when we get down to the details it will become difficult.

The holidays were nice....much easier then last year. As they say. time heals all wounds. I had his family over Christmas eve. On Christmas day he came over in the morning to watch our son open presents. I went to my sisters and his sisters later in the day. He did not see his family at all. His sister called while he was here and he would not even get on the phone to wish her a merry christmas. I am going to his sisters for new years eve. I asked him if he would like our son over night. He said no because he doesn't like sleeping at his house. I guess I shouldn't be to worried about fighting for custody!

Happy holidays to all!

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
-Mark Twain

Clint
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I have come to the brink of utter ruin, In the midst of the gathered assembly."

Hi there everyone,

Just an update on my situation. In general life is good. Me and my son are doing great. Life is happy and peaceful. How things change in 2 years. I kind of feel like faithful in the divorce process. I just want to put this behind me. Between the legal system and my husbands inability to make anything a priority except his delusions, the divorce process drags on. I had everything done I needed to do in February and now I sit and wait and build up legal fees. We will be separated 2 years in October. I am now the only person, besides our son, that my husband talks to. He has cut off ties to everyone in his family and all friends. It's kind of ironic that I will be the ex-wife and yet I am still taking care of him to a point. I don't mind so much because I just think of it as doing it for my son. Since he has cut ties to everyone I don't hear about his delusions so much but I am sure they are still there. I see his new alarms and locks at his apartment. All very sad. To all of you that are where I was 2 years ago please know your life goes on and you can be happy once again. I have even been asked out on a couple dates but I am not ready for that yet. I still feel like it would be cheating. I guess that married mentallity takes a while to go away. bsc...stay strong. I do read your posts and feel for you. Life will get better. Alex...Hope all is well. I know you have had a rough stretch. Faithful...maybe we should take bets on who will be divorced first!

That would be quite a bet! I had my paperwork done last December & we are now 6 months past the time by statute that we could have been divorced, but still no divorce. My husband got it in his mind that he should get spousal support from me to pay him back for "the long hard years" in which he worked at a paying job while I lived it up having and raising our three kids (pregnant & nursing for 6 years straight). His lawyer told me that there is no way he would qualify for spousal support and that it was "his job" to make my husband understand that (poor lawyer has no idea his client is delusional). Now the lawyer is on vacation, so there is no chance this will settle until August at least.
But, unlike you, I have no contact with my husband at all & only hear how he is doing through his family and the one of our three kids who is still talking to him (barely). I quit talking to him at all when it became clear that he has now completely re-made our past - he now has a whole new set of "memories" of our life together that has no basis in fact. It makes me sad - we did have many good times together and I would hope that he remembered being loved by me all those years, but now, since he has failed to convince anyone about my "affairs" he has decided that I was always unhappy, had threatened to leave many times, until I finally did. There is just no basis for us to have conversations - he even denied telling me he wanted a divorce and denied ever telling anyone I'd had affairs. He's also saying that we spent 5 years in marriage counseling when we actually only saw a counselor twice & then he was referred to a psychiatrist. I try to imagine sometimes how his brain works - how he can "remember" events that never occured, and has no memory of so many events that did.
But, like you, life is good. Financially things are tight, I'm on vacation next week and can't afford to go anywhere, but have decided that it's not bad spending a week at a "luxury resort in the heart of the wine country" (my little condo in northern California) - a short drive to Redwoods, beaches, wineries - hey, people pay big bucks for this!

Thank you for thinkng of me Happymom. Things are as bad as ever, maybe worse since she has been out of the hospital. She insisted on coming to work with me in the big city for the second week in a row. I don't even get my normal 4 day relief from her nonsense. And there is no getaway car, unless I just leave her in the motel to figure out how to get back home. I can't do that to her and the rest of the people she would drive nuts to help her out of her predicament.

Last week she pulled a stunt that someone came into the motel room at night and stole the car keys. After tearing the room apart, they magically appeared on the bed. Today she repeated it saying I took her house keys which she keeps in her pants pocket. Not needing those right now I tried to convince her to drive me to work and she could look for them later. Finally she drove me to work an hour and a half late. The keys never did show up.

She says maybe it is part of a surprise I am planning for our 25th anniversary. Took her house keys away to replace them with the keys of our new house. Ya right.

Faithful - I wish I could stay peacefully at home in your wine country, or my midwest country. A peaceful vacation with no DD - anyplace would do.

A quick update. It was predictable. She just called and left a message to say, "...very funny, I found them just where you (me) left them (the keys)."

Does she do this on purpose, as a planned strategy, just to waste my time and get me upset? Or did she really not remember that she had put her keys somewhere else?

Both times now she found the keys. Only she knew where they really were. Each time she was in control of the situation and had an "excuse" to make me late for work.

I read the postings of "happymom". I think I am where she was two years ago. Delusional hubby (persecution), two kids. I spare you the details. You know it all. Thinking a lot about divorce. I am scared for my safety and my daughters. He has no history of violance. His doc says he is harmless. But thinking how much he has changed in the past 3 years, I can not be sure. I have to convince myself that my husband is dead and I need to get away from the person who replaced his body. Emotionally this is hard. Also, my kids still want their "real dad" back. They simply do not understand mental illness.

It was great to read that there is life after divorce. Thank you for all the postings.

Goodwife

Guess to get a real break from DD I should not answer my phone. Husband called today angry that his lawyer told him he's not eligible for spousal support, wanted to know what me and his lawyer have talked about, accused his lawyer of working for me, etc. I called his lawyer to let him know what his client was thinking, and he seemed unconcerned, said he would meet with him tomorrow, restated that the spousal support issue is out of the question & that this should settle shortly. I'm guessing the lawyer will be fired. But it was just one phone call, and another reminder that I made the right decision to leave. Time to make myself some salmon cakes & see what's on TV tonight. Yes, it is peaceful, and worth every minute of the financial and emotional stress of the last 15 months since I left. Tomorrow I go for a swim, read my book, and let the machine answer my phone......

Faithful - speaking of crazy ideas like your husband expecting spousal support, my wife wants me to write a letter to the insurance company, who (I hope) are going to pay 80% of her hospital stay, to tell them not to waste their money paying because it was all a misunderstanding and she didn't belong in psych ward anyway. Sorry long sentence.

Further, she wants me to write the Dr a letter, as well as the psych ward staff to apologize for taking up their valuable resources because there are others who need them more than she.

Our loonngg holiday weekend was typical. She is always screaming about something. She wanted to visit Frank Lloyd Wright houses in the midwest. We did, she was happy for short time then went nuts when it was over. Drove 400 miles home like a maniac. Broke every rule, speeding like a madwoman (it fits).

In our small town within 5 miles of home she got a speeding ticket. She yelled and screamed at the cop. I told her if she was nicer he might just give her a warning. But, no, she had to be her usual self and complain to him about the conspiracy he was a part of in ruining her fun for the 4th. Seems to her everyone in town was watching this incident and laughing at her. Of course when we got home, it all became my fault.

Hope the salmon cakes turned out well. Are they salmon patties fried, or oven baked?

Is there a law in CA that after a certain period of time of separation, the divorce goes through automatically if not contested. He may contest the support he wants, but since it may not be a contestable issue, his lawyer may be telling you something. There is something like that in some midwest states.
Later....