Delusional Jealousy?

I have been married to my husband for 10 years and lived with him for almost 4 years prior to marriage. He alternates between being caring and loving to being cold hearted and mean to me. I love him. He doesn't believe me. He completely convinces himself that I cheat on him every chance I get. He sees little nonsensical things as "proof" and says horrible things to me. I adopted the "stare at the ground" defense years ago due to accusations of looking at men, which really does not work well when dealing with the public. And he has turned that around on me by saying that I can't look at him and that I stare at the ground due to my guilt. He used to be able to be okay as long as I took the kids with me when I went somewhere, but now he sees my two oldest (from previous relationship) as accomplices. Although he raised them, since they were babies, as his own. We also have two children together.

I have been a completely faithful wife to him. There were some issues in the first few months of our relationship, where I was unfaithful, and he is aware of that. I wonder if that is the reason for his issues. If he were with someone else, would he be normal and happy? I really just feel like he has been constantly looking for some kind of evidence to just be rid of me.

I have taken a lie detector test once before, and he seemed disappointed that I passed. And quickly found reasons to dismiss the results. He finds "clues" and "evidence" that make no sense to anyone but him. I am constantly walking on eggshells.

Is this really delusional jealousy or is he just desperate to get rid of me?

He's obviously delusional. Why would you want to stay with him?

The problem isn't with you. Your husband wouldn't be normal and happy with anyone.

While there is treatment for delusional disorder, it is Very difficult to forget a delusion that has taken root in one's mind for a length of time. I'd say delusional jealousy is a tough condition to deal with. There may be hope that he could be happy with someone someday, but he needs treatment and support to get there. Read more on this forum if you can. I think you will hear many people reach the same conclusion. They decide to get out of the relationship and save themselves from a life of struggling with untreated delusions.

It is your life. You are the only person who knows what is right for you. If you are happy with your husband, then you have that. If you can live with the accusations and feel happy, that is ok. It isn't your fault that he is delusional. No matter what he says, it isn't your fault. Take care of yourself. See a therapist, and figure out what is right for you and your children. If he is a threat to you or others involve the police and keep detailed records.

All the best,
Sunny

Firstly, it is not your fault. My wife had to put up with me doing similar things when I was acutely ill. So the next thing is to see it for what it is - an illness. It does not matter whether or not you are faithful - the issue is what his mind does with the possibility that you are that exists in every relationship. So, once again, it is not your fault at any level. It is very hard on the sufferer of the disorder, but also on their loved ones as you are finding out the hard way.

Firstly, get him to see a good clinical psychologist who can try some cognitive behavioural therapy. The advice I received was that the spouse's reassurance never works, but makes matters worse: if there was reassurance then it meant the spouse took the allegation seriously. Other things that worked for me were that the 'checking' behaviour had to stop. There was a seemingly irrisistable urge to 'check' in many different ways, but if I resisted, then the urge passes. Get help for yourself too. from your doctor and a clinical psychologist, who should be able to help you through this to wherever it leads you.

Get him to see a psychiatrist, too.

I recovered from the jealousy, mostly. But then the illness found other outlets - such as persecutory beliefs. So therapy is unlikely to be the answer on its own.

I took anti-psychotics for a while, but they did not really work.

For me, this only resolved once when I took B-group supplements - Blackmore's executive stress. I suspect the supplements work in me because I have a metabolic disorder that responds to the way the supplements inhibit ornithine degarboxylase and get rid of excess ammonia. But severe vitamin deficiency alone can cause these type of symptoms e.g. pellagric psychosis. If you intend to try any form of supplement treatment, discuss it first with his doctor to ensure it is safe for him. Supplements are drugs like any other and have side effects and risks, and they are less well researched than many drugs.

Also, ensure his doctors investigates the possible causes of the disorder by carrying out appropriate tests which should be performed, subject to the doctor's advice, before he trys any supplements or drugs. To my mind, these tests should include but not be limited to in order of importance to my mind:

1. Serum amino acids;
2. B vitamins, but particularly vitamins B6 and B3 and B12;
3. Urine amino acids;
4. Metabolic screen;
5. Heavy metals screen;
6. FBC.

Your doctor may say that the serum amino acids are not likely to establish a treatable cause of the disorder. However, there is a lot of evidence that abnormal amino acid biomarkers may turn out to be crucial biomarkers of underlying metabolic disorders that cause psychiatric and neuro-degenerative disorders. There is a lot of good quality research that says that these disorders often present with patterns of serum amino acid abnormalities. When doctors understand what the abnormal patterns mean, the disorders become metabolic and are no longer regarded as psychiatric. There are likely to be multiple different metabolic disorder that cause psychiatric conditions. My abnormalities were repeat low serum amino acid ornithine and low serum amino acid serine, with high B3 intermediary and high B6. My doctors regarded these as being in effect meaningless results because they did not understand them, but after researching my abnormal results and my disorder (I do not recommend patients do this and do say that if they do this they should do so under the direct supervision of their doctor and only if their doctor does not advise against it), I established that my disorder may find expression in up-regulation of a cortisol up-regulated pathway that probably leads from proline to ornithine decarboxylase to polyamines. This up-regulation explains these and other abnormal results that I have and is currently being investigated by my doctors, so I could yet be wrong about this. Your partner probably does not have my disorder, but his disorder may be caused by a metabolic derangement and he may or may not have different abnormal biomarkers. If he does have abnormal biomarkers such as amino acids then they are probably not currently understood, but it is better to know what they are so that when they are understood by doctors better targetted treatment can be provided. If drugs or supplements work, they are more likely to be targetting ameliorating symptoms than the cause, until the underlying cause of the disorder is better understood, so treatment can be targetted at the cause.

I am mostly hapilly married with a young son, so whilst I am looking at life differently these days, there is hope it can turn out well.

Best wishes

This sounds more pathologically manipulative than him being genuinely delusion.

I would definitely get rid of him.

Your good intentions seem to be holding you back but there is probably nothing you can do for this guy and he doesn't even deserve your kindness after all the other crap he's put you through.

Look up DSMIV delusional disorder on the internet for the 4 main types of delusions. There is a good chance he has more than one type that you may recognise. Making you do a lie detector test is an extreme type of checking behaviour. Don't take this to mean he has delusional disorder.

For those of you who have sought treatment for delusional jealousy, or are living with someone who has, what made you/your loved one finally seek professional help? In the past eleven months my husband, whom I have never cheated on, has been in complete denial about clear symptoms of delusional jealousy and has utterly refused treatment. He has gone so far to try and get me to "confess" that it has essentially ruined what was a happy home. Multiple friends have tried to broach the subject of therapy with him, but he staunchly states that he does not need psychiatric help and cannot be compelled legally to seek it at this time. Something has to give. Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated

My partner is delusional just like yours, he doesn't trust me, he "knows" I cheat on him with every man and woman possible etc etc etc I could go on forever.
I told my partner i'm leaving him if he doesn't get help. He agreed to get help. So I setup a doctors appointment for us both at same time (to explain to doc whats going on) we both went. Doc referred him to psychiatrist appointment. He had first appointment last week, he went alone as he did not want me there(cos I would've told the psych what he's REALLY like) (symptoms, behaviours etc), result of his appointment is that we both need relationship counselling (he told psych that its all becos of me, being upset about this and that, basically explaining some problems in our relationship rather than what really goes on). I am yet to take this further either with counsellor or going to the psych he saw and telling my story.

My advice to you is maybe try tell your hubby that you feel that you both need relationship counselling since things aren't good at the mo. This might help him to not feel victimized about going to see a professional, rather the two of you going for help so he doesn't feel like the only one with the problem. This helped my partner go along with it and make the first steps. If this doesn't work and you come to your last resorts, threaten to leave maybe...as I did. I know it doesn't sound like good advice but from what I've read about this illness is that it wont get better it'll only get worse and its the spouse/partner that gets the worst treatment from the sufferer of this illness. You have been living like this for 11 months, I have been living like this for 5 years and I am not happy. I doubt theres other spouses out there that are, living with a delusional partner who wont trust their spouse and wont get treatment. If he doesn't wanna get help to please you( and he'll probably never recognise that there's anything wrong with his mental state) then he ain't worth wasting your life and your goodwill over and over again. Goodluck tho and I wish you all the best...

My husband and I have been to several counselors. He quits every time it is suggested he goes for a psychiatric evaluation. I have personally found couples therapy with him traumatic. I have had to listen to him make cruel accusations against me over and over. And with each new professional we saw, he learns more about the structure of a session and the type of diagnostic criteria professionals use to asses different issues clients may have. For example, he is real big on accusing me of substance abuse (I do not abuse substances). The first two counselors we saw told him quite plainly that I was not an addict. By the third counselor my husband had started describing me to the counselor in a very different (and inaccurate) manner, to pursuade the counselor that I was an addict. For the record, no one has ever beleived him. He refuses to see a psychiatrist. In the past two weeks, he has flat out refused to see anyone, and is attempting to divorce me, which I honestly believe is not a decision he is in the right frame of mind to make. Several close, long term friends have talked with him about seeing a psychiatrist. He continues to refuse.
I suppose I am just wondering what it was that got through t the individuals on this board who DID seek psychiatric help. I cannot believe the lengths to which my husband has gone, continues to go, to support his delusional thinking about me.

I got my wife to get the diagnosis. She believes that I am mentally ill. so I told her I would get evaluated if she would and she said she would see a psychiatrist if I would both diagnosed her with delusional disorder. both told her that she needs to be on medication but she lackes the insight to see that is true. Dr. Xavier amador says this is anosognosia or lack of insight there are several videos of him giving speaches on the topic on utube. the long and the short of it is there is a small chance they will ever understand they are sick.