Is Delusional Jealousy and Retroactive Jealousy Usually Conn

Hi,
I suffer from obsessive delusional jealousy and an even much worse case of obsessive retroactive jealousy (extreme jealousy of my partners past relationships). It is very cyclic and comes and goes. Lately it has been very active to the point of severe emotional outbursts (to myself in private) and depression (weight loss, no motivation etc).

I’m asking, can anyone tell me do they usually go hand and hand with each other? Can someone please tell me some example of what they have experienced (either as an accuser or an accused person? Are the accusers usually obsessed with the past sexual history of their partners? I have had a problem with this thinking pattern with several women I’ve dated over the past 15 years. It starts once the feeling become strong (when I love them).

Right now I’m with a wonderful woman (1.5 years) and the symptoms started up when my feels became stronger for her (about 8 months ago). I acknowledge my thinking pattern and I’m back in therapy for it but there always so many questions about what is reality and what is in my head (and then you mix in regular relationship issues and it get very confusing to tell fact from fiction) …the dynamics are very cloudy sometimes. If there is the hint of a “white lie” I completely regress and start thinking horrible thoughts. Black and white thinking seems to be a huge factor in this. Does anyone else have the same experience?

Here is an example.

My current g/f told me she had a lot of guy friends at one point before we met…I asked her if she had ever slept with any of them or had friends with benefits…she said “No.” I’ll then obsess that somehow she is lying to me and is hot telling me the truth…..my reasoning will be things like…..she dresses sexy, is attractive, like to go dancing (dressed up) what guy wouldn’t what to be with her. I realize these are thoughts in my head and it doesn’t mean she is going to sleep with just anyone but in the moment the thoughts seem so logical and possible.

Another example is…..one time my g/f said “I’ve never really been into one night stands……”. My reaction was…..does that mean you tried it and didn’t like it or does that mean you’ve never done it? I eventually asked her because I was going insane with the what if thinking (another huge problem in this thinking style). She said “No” she had never had a one night stand…but I keep obsessing that she is lying…does anyone else relate to this?

Summary
Are DDJs also obsessed with sexual past of partner?
Are DDJs intolerant of any perceived "white lie"
Do DDJs continue to not believe partner regardless of truth being told or overwhelming evidence to the contrary?
When accused "just agrees" to keep the accuser “at bay”, does the accuser’s mistrust grow and consider it deceitful?

Thanks.

Hi surfdog,

My mom is suffering the DDJ, and I think I can answer your questions based on what I observed in her.

(1) It seems that she is concerned about my father's past, but it is not so strong as her concern about her major delusion, i.e., his affairs with a woman who was his coworker many years ago.

(2) I think DDJ is different from schizophrenia in that the thinking style is involved in the illness very actively. It's not just delusions or hallucinations that arise out of blue. Instead, the delusions always start from some suspicions which come from some "observations". So to your second question, rather than intolerant of white lies, I'd say DDJs are very suspicious in an irrational way.

(3) To your third question, the answer is definitely YES. It is actually one of the criterions for delusions.

(4) My experience is, the longer the DDJs are left untreated, the more opportunities they will have to accumulate their delusions, and the worse the situation would be.

If your doctor think you are suffering DDJ, I would say you are very lucky to realize your problem yourself. Please do grab this chance of receiving treatment in time, and don't wait until you lose your insight. Good luck.