Newly dx DDP husband coming home soon

I have spent the day reading posts here and find a lot of information very helpful, thank you all for that. A quick glimpse into the past month is... a new stressor has brought on another DD episode for my husband. He believes his parents are poisoning his sisters and myself. This is the worst of the handful of episodes i can remember over the past 6 years. he has shut out anyone who suggested getting help, after living with the stress, his temper and his lack of insight I petitioned him for an inpatient phsych eval. While he was rightly very very angry, he has asked me to be by his side through all of this, and I have every intention of doing just that, i see him everyday, i am taking care of myself (talking to a psychologist) and holding down the fort at home (we have children). We both agree that we are going to listen to the dr recommendations and follow through accordingly. He already does not like the side effect of the meds he is on (Abilify and Zoloft) but has given no indication he will stop taking them at home. As of right now he will either start a partial day program monday or tuesday or just come home. I should note that throughout the remission of this disease we have had a happy healthy life, he has had the same job for 13 years, all the sressors have been outside of work, there was no strong/apparent indication of mental illness until this last episode. Aside from the fact that he has shut out his family that we were previously very very close with.

My questions to the forum, specifically people who have been in this situation from either my or my husbands standpoint are; will he be able to restore the relationships with his family? How can i talk to him when he is talking about the delusions, because anything less then persecutory responses against his family are not enough to keep him from getting angry. How long into the recovery process is the point at which he even begins to realize these things are not real? From what i can tell he is willing to follow through with all appts and med recommendations, he will see a psychiatrist to follow up with med side effects and a psychologist to slowly peel away the real from the not real.
I guess i just want to know what to expect when he comes home. Any advice or help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for helping me see that right from the start i am not alone.

Hi cariall,
Hope you find the support you are looking for on the psychforums delusional disorder forum. In my experience, the emotional memories from the delusions that went untreated the longest, were challenging to let go of. It just felt so real. I knew things weren't real, but it didn't stop the memory of the emotions. In time the memory will heal, but core delusions may persist (they have in my case), but if you build as many trusting relationships as possible and communicate openly with trusted others, it is easier to live in recovery.
Sunny

I know there is so much variation in experiences with different people. So another may not follow the length of our mom's struggle, but our story may be helpful.

After a two year build-up in delusions, my mom's fears and suspicions and accusations mostly toward her now-ex-husband grew and resulted in her volunteer psychiatric hospital stay of two weeks. After that, it was six to eight months of our limiting conversations with her because she always wanted to bring up how her husband had harmed her or her things and it was very difficult to try to change the subject. She would get angry if we tried to change the subject and she would get even more angry if we tried to convince her that the 'evidence' she had about his wrongdoings did not mean the same thing to everyone else, or that what she thinks happened did not happen. Thankfully, she continued to take medication and see her mental health provider weekly, and still does. A few times, I left a message with the provider in the times when she was increasingly agitated and fearful again.

Her treatment has worked in that we are now experiencing very pleasant times with her, where after 1/2 hour to a few hours she barely mentions any delusion. Occasionally, she does mention something she thinks happened but we don't say anything, move on in the conversation, and she does not return to the comment. This more stable behavior started almost a year after the hospitalization. There was just once, I think, that I had to hang up on her in the last couple months when she wouldn't stop arguing and ranting over the phone about what he had 'done' and why it was my problem that I couldn't 'see' it.

Unfortunately, it seems the delusions and what she thought are still firmly in her mind and memory. She is now divorced from the man she was with for 30 years. We still see him and help him and keep him involved in family (they are both in their 70s) but we don't tell her unless she specifically asks. And we have him to dinner separately from her. It is sad for him, but he understands that his now-ex-wife's brain malfunctioned and there is nothing we can do. (She is fully functioning and healthy in every other way, although we do notice that she can't get much accomplished in a day, though that could be part of her normal aging.) I can't imagine a time ahead when we will talk about the delusions openly or when she will realize she had/has delusions.

We have come to a much more stable place, and we try to concentrate on enjoying the other parts of her that are wonderful: her generosity, intelligence, humor, cuteness...

I hope this was of help, and I wish you well. I'm glad you are talking to a psychologist. I did, too, just to help sooth the turmoil and sort out what I thought my role should be in her troubles. It helped me draw the line and know that I had to keep myself in a good spot and make decisions for me and my family and not dwell on her negative thoughts that I couldn't control.

Thank you both for your responses, Sunny, while i understand that everyone is different, and each situation is unique, how long did it take for you to even being to realize that these were in fact delusions? I know we are very early in this process, i suppose i am just looking for any sign of hope we can get things back. He has no healthy relationships/friendships outside of me, he has pushed his entire family away through these delusions. how do you make friends at middle age and then trust them with these things?

Hi Cariall,
I only share with some people, like people I trust, or that I think need to know for some reason. Now that I am firmly established in recovery... and have a feeling of confidence I am ok sharing or not. Early in the disease, I learned how much stigma hurts. I wanted to share sooooo badly back then, but didn't always pick the right people to share with. People have been much better at accepting me than you'd think, but then again, I tend to like people with soft hearts. Also, I've found going to support groups is excellent early on. To know that I wasn't alone was powerful for me. The first depression and bipolar support group I went to I cried so hard I was utterly muted. I realized, I'm not alone at that meeting. Other people know what it is like. That form of peer support is the best, try NAMI if you live in the US.

It is hard to accurately remember each episode my illness was different and the delusions change over time... But getting treatment early is best. I started getting sick after my daughter was born. I confided in a friend and when she told me I was experiencing postpartum psychosis and to see a doctor, I trusted her.

Then I thought I was better, went off the meds, and the delusions hadn't totally gone away. But the hallucinations had stopped. So 9 months later when I got VERY ILL, I was hospitalized, but the delusions were deeper that time. That was hard to build trust then... Took a while and I did lose a few friends. Keeping friends is hard even without mental illness. It helps to have a fun lifestyle:)

Meeting new friends now, mostly I keep it related to activities like writing. I've rebuilt my relationships from high school and stay in touch with everyone in my network, but not everyone knows my story. I've experienced stigma, and I have to teach people how I want to be treated. Usually I let people read my story if they want to know what it was like. I've stopped telling people for the most part, and am starting to live like a regular person some of the time. For a long time I alluded to this as "Postpartum" and left it at that, but it isn't. It is way past the postpartum... getting close to 10 years!

Sunny

Thank you sunny for all your knowledge and willingness to help. A lot of your other posts on threads give me hope my marriage and some of his relationships with family can be saved. When you mentioned that the key to recovery is gaining the insight into this disease, how does that take place? I imagine it is slowly and with his therapist, but things since he has been home have been pretty rough. The delusions are still very present, he believes the hospitalization was due to anxiety and stress, no one gave him a diagnosis so at what point does that happen? All our conversations no matter how they start all hit the wall of me not believing the delusions and him holding firm they are true. How do we get past that point? Also are there any signs along the way I can look for that he is or is not gaining or going to gain that insight?
Thank you again. I appreciate the different views from both supportive loved ones and the insight from those living with this everyday. In feeling like my world was turned upside down, this forum gives me place to feel hopeful.

Hi Cariall,
It sounds like the medication is not totally effective yet, can take a few weeks, but if you don't see an improvement, talk to the psychiatrist and tell them.

My experience with insight was watching or listening to the people I love and trust not believe me. It caused me to worry something was wrong with me, and that is what insight is: The ability to examine your beliefs as potentially not true. Now when I was really sick, like it sounds your husband is, I would make excuses for them, like they were jealous, or part of the plan... Most who are old timers on this forum recommend that you do not confront the delusional beliefs, also, do not agree with them either (that will give the wrong insight), try to change the topic if this is the tactic your psychiatrist recommended. For me, people told me I was sick early on. And when someone who was in the position to know what was real and what wasn't told me I had psychosis and needed to see a psychiatrist, I trusted her, she was my friend at the time. But life gets busy, she and I don't keep in touch, she has great anxiety... but I stay in touch with her husband.

Sunny