Don't know what to believe

I don't know where this belongs, so I'm gonna unload it here. I'm often questioning rather or not the things I have to deal with in my waking life are real or if i'm just completely delusional. It's driving me out of control, sometimes. I hear voices in my head and have the almost unconscious urge to vocally communicate with them to make them shut up and prove they're wrong. The subjects we talk about have gotten me in trouble in the past because people freaked out that I was a violent person or something. I sometimes believe or think I may have done something terrible and begin self harming and feeling suicidal/crying over something that never happened when someone bring me back to my senses.

I don't like going outside because I fear someone who's out to get me is watching me and could take me away in their car at any time. Even at night. I get really freaked out at night because sometimes the neighbor has friends over and the cars and the noises makes me stand in the center of my room for hours until the go away. Dreading that they're going to hear me talking to my voices and hurt me somehow. I worry profusely and don't have a job. I'm nice to people, but think they don't listen to me because I'm stupid and should be ignored because nothing I say makes sense or is wrong. I sometimes see monsters and things that aren't really there and they appear regardless of the time of day.

I just want some clarity. i don't know what to do. I was abused with methamphetamine as a young child up until I was 18 and had two suicide attempts and a mental breakdown and have been getting worse since I was 14 and they made me anorexic for a while. I don't shower or take care of myself and I'm really depressed all the time. I also had a couple large seizure that landed me in the hospital when I was 2 and I was given a large amount of sedative that didn't work and I have some brain damage from it.

Advice? I'm rather lost as to what to do... I've brought up the abuse but my parents blow it off and no one give me help and I don't tell the the full story because I get afraid they're going to do something to me..

Hi Siamese Fever,
I hope you find the support you are looking for. I recommend talking to a trained mental health provider about your concern with the past experience with drugs and emotional response to trauma. Your parents are also valuable resources.

Getting help is an important first step.

Good luck,
Sunny