My story

I would post this in "my story section" but it was requested _I think_ to start my own thread.

I believe I developed supernatural abilities during meditation after I entered jhana in concentration meditation. They were however not revealed to me untill after I was told I was prodrome psychotic. I do not respect or share the religious views of psychiatry, however I do acknowledge that what they call symptoms do exist in some people, and if the person wants to take these toxic drugs so be it.

I am pretty sure my so called friends found out about these aspects of my life and subjected me to redicule for my personality. Other who were aware of my abilities are a Shamanic healer and a reiki healer. All I knew is that I had attained the "divine eye" which made me see a Deva (Buddhist angel). But one day I went to the hypnotherapist reiki healer and she brought in a Native American elder and he said I see you have a special connection to the Great Creator and have a friend there, and that you wrote him a poem. (I had wrote the being I saw a poem at my home) So I guess my parents found out about it and may have been in contact with them. He then told me to look at my left hand, and it was glowing yellow. Then I went to see the Shaman Reiki healer they also sent me to and he said society was going to $#%^ on me for not psychically healing people.

My parents likely found my diaries about a year ago and as a result sent me to a mental instition where I was told I was schitzophrenic. My rights were taken away from me and I was forced to take medication, I told my rights advisor that I was informed this is illegal and he said there are exceptions.

So bassically I believe I devoloped these abilities. But I also believe I was experiencing drug induced delusions. A High Tibetan Rinpoche Lama was staying in our home and told me he thinks I was a Buddhist monk in my previous life. I became a little obsessed with this and started believing I was the reincarnation of Joseph Smith the so called prophet and founder of Mormonism in my past life and even got baptized Mormon. This was a terrible mistake I have to live with. I also half- believed I had cameras in my home, that my thoughts were being broadcasted and was having minor hallucinations ever since I took 5 grams of psycilociben.

One day my father came up to me and said "follow me downstairs I am going to pick a fight with you". I followed him downstairs and asked him questions about what he was talking about but he ignored me and then he started yelling, grabbed my neck and threw me against the wall with his hands clasped around my neck. I took a swing at his face to break free. Then he called the police and two policeman showed up. We were taken to seperate rooms to tell our side of the story. My father then lied to the policeman, telling them I randomly attacked him. Then they didnt know what to believe so told us if someone calls us again someone would be placed in jail. My father then threw me out of the house into homelessness where I snuck into my friends apartment and spent the night. The police then showed up at antoher place I went and took me to a mental hospital. My mother talked about disowning me. I don't know why.

I may be confused, but my parents have done evil things against me for sure. I also view psychiatry as evil, and feel if I tell anyone about my suicidal thoughts, I will be brought to a hospital. This is because I even asked for a private psychologist and he did not keep it confidential, but told my psychotic counsellor. So psychiatry is effectively making me afraid of talking to anyone about my suicidal thoughts.

I do not hold any delusions anymore and I think they were only half beliefs and were temporary, becuase I have a mind that can reason.

I feel my life has been destroyed by people I have been taught to love, been expoited and taken advatage of. I have been living in a dark time and do not believe anyone has any humanity. I believe the people who were my friends and family deserve pain and I deserve compensation.

Dark times

As i was reading, i was trying to figure out what you wanted from the people here. Then i remembered this was your story and that you weren't asking for help. However, it is still a little odd that if you don't think you have a psychiatric condition that you are posting on this forum.

I am a meditator also. I haven't achieved jhana but i do believe that nothing of a 'special' kind such as supernatural abilities. I know that in jhana meditation people feel they have special powers and that strange things can happen but the thing is, you are not able to actually do anything with those powers that could prove you have them to anyone else. You may feel you are levitating for example, but no one will ever be able to witness it - because there is a disconnect between what you feel and what is.

However, all the rest of your story does suggest you do have psychiatric problems. I can't comment on the treatment of your parents as you describe. But i certainly believe that if you have schizophrenia and if you are suffering with it, then psychiatric help is what you need and you will better off if you can form a trusting relationship with a psychiatrist. If you are in treatment and you aren't honest your medication will be a hit and miss affair. If you tell your psychiatrist, you will most likely not be put in hospital but your medication can be adjusted to get the best results.

If you are suicidal it is helpful to talk to people about it. It can actually alleviate the sensation, at least for a time.

I also do not believe in reiki healers and anything of that kind. These are people who often mean well but in the end all they are doing is taking your money. If it were possible these people could cure you of your problems, it would have happened by now. At best maybe you can feel ok in their company for a short while. The difference between them and a councillor is that these people will only deepen your delusions and confusion. It may be more uncomfortable with a councillor/therapist/psychiatrist but if you cooperate with them, it can actually make a deep difference to your experience.

I'm really sorry about your situation and what you've been through.You reason really well which is a good sign.
To be honest,personally I don't believe anyone should get involved in meditation,reiki etc.Iy can be damaging for healthy people let alone for people prone to confusion or delusion.

Could it be that your dad said "come downstairs I want to talk about something" in an angry tone of voice, but to you it seemed like he was saying he wanted to fight with you?

Do you think perhaps it is half real & half from an illness?For example maybe your mum etc hasn't been supportive and understanding towards you but then this has triggered other situations happening which you're not sure if are real or not or if you've processed them correctly or not

I agree with you regarding the state of psychiatry and it's a shame it is the way it is.You want to be honest to get therapeutic benefit,but you don't want them reacting out of fear and you being hospitalised which is something you find as not pleasant and helpful towards your mental health but the .
I think it would really help to get uninvolved with this shaman etc stuff as it just causes confusion and not clarity and I think that finding ways to get rid of stress and relax and get good sleep is really important for you.Stress can trigger some of this stuff.

Roze you probably don't know this but today even psychologists are teaching meditation to their patients. Its not harmful. People who end up with problems already have them. Meditation does not actually cause them. Meditation is being taught everywhere, often known as mindfulness, which is a particular style of meditation derived from the buddhist tradition.

In healthy minded people, ie with no more than average neuroticism, it is very good and helpful. It actually builds your brain physically and helps with things like emotional regulation, learning ability and attentiveness. You and modern scientists are actually in disagreement about it. There is a lot of research being done in recent years which you might wish to check out.

However for people who are prone to delusions and hallucinations and psychosis, its generally considered not to be a good idea.

I'm aware of the scientific studies regarding meditations potential benefits on "healthy" (non psychosis prone) individuals.
I meant the dangers were more in regard to "out of norm" beliefs such as reiki,shamanism,past lives etc.