My husband thinks he's God's messenger and it's unhealthy.

Nothing ever ends!
Wow, though, quite an update. He sounds committed, and seems to recognize his thoughts were unrealistic. But maybe he is just in a lull, so your caution is warranted.
I would still try and push for counseling. Say it's for you and you need his support after he left or something, but you want to make sure his recovery (as it is) isn't just temporary. It may have been, but hey, therapy is a good idea for everyone really.

keep posting, and good luck,
John

Hi. this is quite an amazing story you've shared with us. I'm new to the forum but i'm not new to schizophrenia. I had a friend "go down" with it some years back and it was my job to get people to help her. I've also had neighbours who had it and been in support groups with people who had it.

I wonder if you know that stress is the thing that triggers symptoms. If you were able to think back when all this started, or ask your hubby, you might be able to recognise the incident that triggered it all.

In my friends case, i would say it was smoking dope. She hadn't done it before and then she did it a lot. And added quite a bit of stressful stuff to the pot as well.

I don't think you will have any success whatsoever of convincing your partner to get help. You will have to wait until such time as the problem becomes a huge crisis and then you can get him to hospital. So i think you might as well give up on the idea but for yourself you can educate yourself about living with schizophrenia. I think there is a good book or two on the subject.


And if you make your home a stress free zone, then that will help keep your husband stable.

Re work, i think its possible that a job could set the problem off again as it will involve stressors. But if you could find a low stress job that could be good. I wish you well.

Hello everyone

Since you above have taken the trouble to write to me and I am sure that others have taken the trouble to read this, I thought I would let you know what's happening right now.

My husband has given up trying. I sent off at least 50 job applications for him but he never showed any interest in any of the jobs and every time someone called to ask him for an interview, he always turned it down. A couple of weeks ago I asked him if he actually wanted to work and he said no, he wants to live like he is doing (i.e. just hanging around the house and garden). I told him that he's ill and that he should get help. He said that was just my opinion and he's not ill.

So I told him that he couldn't live like that any longer at our house. I can't afford to have him living any longer in the house, he doesn't show any interest in our lives whatsoever and he doesn't venture beyond the garden fence. My friends are avoiding me and the children are ashamed of him. One of my daughter's friends wouldn't stay overnight because she's scared of him.

I gave him a second chance and did everything I could to reinstate him but he's not interested. So he's going back to his homeland later this month and this time, he will not be coming back. He wants to live at his mother's house (where she doesn't live anymore because she has dementia and is living with another of her sons) and take it from there.

There were some points which a couple of you made previously: he won't change, work would stress him out and I need to take care of myself and my children. Sure, he needs therapy but he says he is happy with his family (the "other" saints) and that God, Mary and Jesus are the most important things in his life - even more important than his children.

Now I have got to a point where I have given up. I don't love him anymore and I am bitter about working full-time and him not worrying about our existence. The children practically ignore him and it's a horrible atmosphere. I need to look to the future and have hope. I'm 41 and still want to enjoy life and set a good example for the kids.

I don't know what triggered this off. It started over 2 years ago with paranoia and an inferiority complex. I've reached the end and he's obvlious to it.

I am so sorry for everything you & your girls are going through.
It's not easy watching someone you know & love turn into a scary stranger.
There's so much emotional & mental baggage that come with an experience like this, I wish the best in healing for you & your children.
You are not alone...the stories might be different but the basic plot is the same & we all go through turmoil, guilt, anger, confusion.
You are never wrong for doing what's best for you & your family.
Don't beat yourself up about him not getting treatment either.
Although it is best for him to be under a doctors care, that doesn't mean the battle is over by a long shot.
Some here have made incredible recoveries....become strong voices here for those of us dealing it.
Others have constant lapses, struggles, denial...it seems sometimes as if it will never end.
All you can ever do is take care of you.
Blessing to you & yours ♥

It definatly sounds like psychosis...
I met my beautiful boyfriend and love of my life at 16; he was happy, athletic, funny, sweet and the best thing that happened in my life. We spent 2 beautiful years together just getting to know each other and falling in love... i could honestly say it was the best thing that ever happened to me. when he turned 20 he had started saying things that were so unusual and bizarre and just so weird. He told me that the cars that use to hang around his street were sent there by my older brothers to torment him and that his uncles were paying my dad thousands of dollars so he wouldnt harm me... That happened for a few weeks then i forgot it, i thought he was paranoid or depressed so i thought nothing of it. Months later he had attempted to commit suicide by slashing both his wrists and used the excuse that he was depressed. we all believed that he was depressed and that was it but i knew in my heart that no one would try and commit suicide just because they were depressed. for months i pressured him to tell me what had happened and he finally did... eight months later i found out the real story. he had tried to commit suicide because he heard a voice telling him i was dead and his life was pointless without me and he should die and follow me (mind you i was in my bed asleep and was perfectly fine) After his suicide attempt he was fine for a year and 4 months exactly until after we got married (yes we got married.) 4 months after our marriage he got sick again... he started doing these weird hand gestures, talking to himself so much, acting bizarrely and quite frankly he creeped me out. I put up with his delusions and weird behavior until i figured something was wrong... i called a nurses number and had her assess him and the very next day i had doctors come to my house and assess him further; they made the decision that he was sick and needed to enter the psychiatric ward of a local hospital. He was hospitalized for ten days and appeared fine so he came back home. exactly two weeks later he started acting oddly again so i called the doctors to check up on him... once again he was taken to hospital and this time for two weeks. the day he left hospital to come back home he decided to walk onto the main road onto on coming traffic... the hospital was called again and this time he started medication and was there for a further two weeks... he got better on the meds and i had hope wed return to a normal life. it was time to leave hospital and he was told to take his meds for a further 6 months; which he promised to take. he got home and everything was beautiful for four days until he decided he didnt need the meds and he wasnt sick. he stopped the medication and was ok for about four months and then he began to get ill again. since that time (9 months) i have been battling his illness and his constant relapsing. All I can say is its been hard; not just hard but a living hell. Its made me mentally exhausting and physically. Its made me hate life and forget what happiness is and most importantly what normal is. This boy isnt the person i was in love with for four years... he had become the illness and i knew in my heart it wasnt going to get better. Life had become such a struggle and to be quite honest Im so sick of it; I want the man I fell in love with to come back, I didnt want this monster around. 1 year and 1 months later (present day) I found myself back at my parents house and getting ready to file for divorce. I asked myself, can I deal with this situation for another year? How about another five years (hell no). Its too hard, its too draining, its too hurtful; no matter how much I love and truly care for this boy, I cant do it anymore... My honest advice is leave... Psychosis has no cure and without medication for the rest of your partners life things will never be normal. Save yourself and dont do what I did; I married the love of my life only to destroy my own life. At the end of the day love does NOT conquer all... It isnt enough to make your husband healthy or to keep you sane. Love and forget please and dont go what Im going through. Leaving him is the hardest thing Ive ever done but I cant take it anymore. Be strong and I really wish you all the best <3

Dear all.

Here I am again. Thanks a million to Salwa.o for the insight into your experience and also to everyone who has read this thread and given me advice.

After my husband left us for the third time - this time for good and with the final words that I could look for another man, my girls and I settled down into a routine again. He went back to his native country (again) and ended up living with another of his 3 brothers. In November he told me that he wanted a divorce so I went to a lawyer and started off the process. Then in December he told me he was coming back home. I told him quite clearly (again) that he wasn't welcome and that we are getting divorced and that I am in a relationship with a new man. Then he started crying and telling me that he doesn't want a divorce anymore. But it was too late. I did and I still do.

He turned up unexpectedly on Jan 10 and turned our world upside down again. However, this time I have not let him into the house and he is absolutely not welcome at all. I have helped him to get a flat, which he moved into on Feb 1, and he starts a new job today. The girls have visited him a few times but quite reluctantly and always only for a short time.

I am going ahead with the divorce. I am in love with my new boyfriend (who is 49 and has 2 children who live at home with him - so we're not teenagers who are fooling around) and have found happiness and companionship which I haven't known with my husband for years and years. But now of course, my husband is telling me that I am making a big mistake, that he loves me so much and that we should be living as a family under one roof and that that is what life is all about. How can I possibly take him seriously when he has left 3 times in the past 1 1/2 years? And he said I must tell my boyfriend that he's back and that the relationship is over.

I have made my husband tell the GP about his problems and she has put him on medication but I seriously doubt that he is taking it.

My oldest daughter, who is now 11, has asked me to set up an appointment with a psychologist (where she went about a year ago) for her. She doesn't want her Dad back in her life and the little one, who is 7, cries her eyes out every time I say she should visit her Dad. She told me she's scared of him.

I had a physical burn-out in October and was referred to a neurologist, who is also a psychiatrist and I am on some homeopathic stress relievers which help me get through each day and keep me smiling. I told him my husband's problems and that he was back in town. My neurologist made it quite clear to me that I am only responsible for myself and my children and that my husband is responsible for everything he does. At least I did get him an appointment at the doctors and helped him get settled nearby (he lives about 2 kms away) and get a job. The rest is up to him.

My new boyfriend has been a pillar of strength for me and has shown me that there is happiness out there. Things will never ever ever be the same again between me and with my husband and Salwa.O helped me with her entry by saying that things will never change if we stay together.

I am so so so relieved for my sake and for my children's sake that this time around, things are different. I have made the cut.

I think he is suffering from something much more severe than delusional disorder.

And no matter what his diagnosis is, it's likely he's going to have periods of time when he's 'better' or 'worse', because that's simply how these diseases affect people - the symptoms usually fluctuate. And quite often, there is no actual 'reason' why symptoms are 'worse' or 'better' at any given moment.

Symptom levels change. People can have a good minute, a good hour, a good week, a good month, I've seen people's symptoms 'go away' for long periods of time - everyone gets so hopeful that it won't come back.

Here's the bottom line. Once symptoms have been present for six months, they are likely to persist. One way or another.

What I am saying is that it's nice that his symptoms seem less right now, but it's fairly likely that his symptoms will continue to gradually worsen - with or without the usual little blips and ups and downs. Because he's been sick for a long time, he's likely to continue to be sick.

A few people have an incredibly up-and-down course, and seem 'perfectly ok' sometimes and scary as he** at others. But in general, you see ups and downs that go for a month or two.

People have various patterns. Some people are very psychotic for a few days or a week, and then are just lethargic and disinterested and disorganized between 'bad episodes'. Others are more constantly psychotic.

MOST people think that symptoms are very constant and consistent, with these illnesses. And for most people, that just isn't how it is.

What I'm trying to say is this. Don't get lulled by a temporary change in symptom level.

Also, he may be very resistant to treatment, but sometimes the most resistant people, will eventually agree to treatment. That isn't usually because a family member or spouse talks them into it - usually it's because a social worker or counselor convinces them, very slowly, usually, over a long period of time, that they agree to take medication.

Counseling isn't going to do anything for his symptoms. It just doesn't work. In fact, psychotic people tend to grossly misinterpret what counselors say to them. A psychotic person can't understand a counselor very well - counseling is entirely predicated on the person not being psychotic and being able to understand what the counselor says.

Further, except for a group of incredibly underpaid and highly skilled social workers, often those who work at the county mental health office - for peanuts - very few counselors have the slightest idea how to communicate with a psychotic person off medication. Most counselors, therapists and the like, I hate to tell you, do more harm than good.

One eagerly explained to a friend of mine, that his illness was rooted in childhood events and the patient took a gun and went over to his parent's house to kill them both.

In other words, be careful who you involve in this situation. You're going to get an awful lot more realistic and practical help from the 'ordinary' social workers and doctors who work at your county mental health office, in most cases. Beware grand promises and quacks.

Psychiatrists are trained very skilled doctors who receive specialized training in these illnesses, and in dealing with psychotic people. I've seen good ones get very very psychotic people to take medication. That is an art, and many of them are very good at it. It can take months, years.

here's the hard part.

He's going to get worse again.

Yes, he is. I can't say when, but he will. These illnesses don't 'get better' unless they take medication, consistently, every day, at the recommended dose. No matter how much you love him, comfort him, no matter how hard you try, or what you do, he isn't going to get well.

This disease isn't about love. This is a biological disease of the brain. No one ever thought their way into one of these illnesses, and no one ever loved their way out of 'em. These are brain diseases. You can see them on am MRI, on an EEG, on an - autopsy. People act the way they do because the illness affects their brain.

That's not to say that kindness is bad. It's not bad. You can sometimes temporarily calm a person. Sure you can. But this is a disease, not a choice. He needs treatment.

it may seem impossible, but there are things you can try - to get him help.

It's not easy. He may agree to treatment and then a few months later, quit and you'd be right back where you started. Your life could be a never-ending cycle of 'oh my god, what's going to happen now'.

And you have children in your home. One child has said if dad comes back, she's gone.

That means things have already gotten pretty bad. I doubt the child is just 'being selfish' or 'demanding'.

How do you get an unwilling person to agree to that? That's an art, and you need help. There are different methods you can try. These are well written up and can be discussed with a psychiatrist or social worker at your county office.

It takes quite a shift of perspective, a lot of knowledge about these illnesses, and the ability to NOT ARGUE about the person's delusions. It is, without any doubt, an art, but you succeed by completely shifting your perspective and how you react to things.

One thing that may work is getting the person to go TALK to the people at the county mental health office. Not to agree to take medication but just to TALK. Sometimes that works, it's a very long slow process, and you have to be patient.

Another thing that may work, is to make his staying there, predicated on him taking medication. Yes, that can get pretty nasty. You will find people can get very, very nasty when they are pushed to take medication, or their housing is predicated on it. And sometimes, that can get pretty ugly.

But people can and have, pulled that off.

What some people will do, is give the person 2-3 months to THINK ABOUT IT and DISCUSS it with their case worker (no, not with their spouse or family, with their case worker, it often works far better if someone who is LESS close to the person). They may wait til symptoms worsen again, to discuss it. This often means being willing to call the police on the person, to have them hospitalized against their will, and I'm not going to lie to you - things can get dangerous. A very ill person simply isn't fully in control of their own behavior.

They don't get nasty deliberately or intentionally. When a psychotic person behaves in disruptive ways, he isn't doing so for the reasons non-psychotic people are mean.

Time is, in fact, of the essence. The quicker they start treatment, the better their response to treatment, the less complicated their medications will need to be, the easier it will be to arrive at a dose and a form of antipsychotic that works well for them. And the quicker they get on treatment, the less the illness damages their brain.

Many people, after some years - after multiple hospitalizations, give up and say goodbye - they tell the person they can't take it any more.

Sometimes, when a person's back is really up against the wall, they'll finally accept treatment.

Sometimes when the person is more obvious to social services and not housed, social services will get more involved, and the person will finally be willing to take medication. And sometimes not.

Some never accept treatment.

And some do.

Thanks Smithywise for taking the time to write such a lengthy and informative e-mail. Even without knowing him, you have described his symptoms pretty well.

Of course, he is now saying that he is better and that he's not ill (he said that hundreds of times before he left us in the past). But he is. It's almost back to square one, with the exception that he is no longer living at home.

This is such a relief for the children and they can continue to live in a safe and happy environment. When I tell him that the kids don't want to see him, he tells me that I am being unfair and that I am deliberately keeping them away from them.

And I don't love him anymore but I am supporting him where I can. I can't love someone who isn't there. I spent years listening to his tales of God and the Saints and his powers and how we will be bowing down in front of him on Judgement Day so I did perfect the art...but I can't do it anymore. It's so exhausting. I am the breadwinner, the houseowner, the mother, cleaner, chauffeur and the entertainment programme manager for my kids and I can only keep going if I remain sane.

Thanks Smithywise!

The reason I can describe him so closely is there are so many people like him.

So many people like you and your family. So many tired, exhausted spouses and kids, looking over their shoulders every moment, trying to catch a moment's peace, wondering what else can possibly happen, stepping through each day with the familiar and exhausting mixture of faint hope, fear, sadness and disappointment.

It's honestly a kind of half-life we lead, full of fears other people can't even possibly imagine.