What is happening to me?

It all started in september 2012. I quited school. I was feeling low almost all the time. I had no energy, my ''will'' was just gone. I lost interest in things that used to bring me joy. I felt that pressure in my chest... likes someone was inside of me. Negative thoughts had just taken over me. It had lasted for a month when i decided to go to the mental hospital. I had to stay there for 3 weeks. The doctor said that I had some kind of a stress disorder. I got home.
I had been at home for about 2 weeks and my condition was even worse. Constant thoughts of suicide. Feeling sad, angry, hopeless at the same time. I decided to take an overdose to kill myself. As you can see, I survived. I had to spend 2 weeks at the mental hospital. Harming myself was now almost daily thing(it started when I was at the mental hospital for the first time: at first it was beating myself to the wall, then it turned out to cutting myself). Ever since it all began, I now realise that someone is controlling me. Putting those horrible ideas in my head. No, I am not hearing voices. But that thing is just putting ideas in my head. Like controlling my mind or something. It is just so hard to be with it. It puts ideas in my head like: killing my mother, killing myself, hating myself, hating my family, beating myself, cutting. I've heard whispering for a moment. Yesterday I could smell burning, but there was nothing where this smell came from. I feel so heavy. I feel like I am no longer in control of myself. I have a strong thought about commiting suicide. Doctors don't believe me. They want to harm me. I can't trust anyone. And I am so stupid for writting it here but I just feel so heavy. This pressure is going to kill me.

Hi nordlyset. Welcome to the forum.

In no way are you stupid for writing here. You are obviously having a very, very difficult time of it right now and I’m so sorry this is happening and you are feeling this way. I hope you can find it supportive to be here. I think you are mistaken about the doctors wanting to harm you. I can’t image they will do anything worst to you than what you have been doing to yourself. Until you can trust –you-, not to harm –you-, you should at least consider what they are saying. Are you as open and honest with them as you were here? It sure sounds like you could you some good professional help to help you cope with this and I hope you get it and can get on with your life as it was prior to September.

*hug hugs*