Help:I can't draw the line between what's real and...

I can’t draw the line between what’s real and what’s not.

Four years ago I was believing in pure fantasy as in the fact that I was transforming into a robot and some other crazy things. During the years I learned how to say no to all that fantasy and convince myself that it wasn’t real but I was still delusional interpreting what other people were saying in a distorted way or believing in some conspiracy against or pro? me.

Now I want to focus on real and pragmatic things like getting a job and making friends and “keeping it real”. But every human being needs to do some interpretation in their life like reading someone’s gesture and so on. My problems is that I don’t TRUST my interpretations anymore…ANY of them. I lived for so long in my fantasy world and now I don’t want to make the past mistakes and I want to cope with reality but I’m having problems.

I’m scared I’m falling into the other extreme of not believing ANYTHING anymore even when it is obviously real.

To make you understand better, I moved to a foreign country and I study cultures. So I am interested in understanding different cultures and the un-written rules of a culture, city, group of people but I’ve been living in this country for 4 years and I didn’t understand anything of it’s culture, or I can’t draw the line between what cultural traits of this country are real and which are invented by me, interpreted in a “highly creative” way. I can’t be sure of anything anymore.
As you can see I want to get better but I live in the constant fear that I might interpret things in a distorted way.

What should I do? Everybody, I repeat, everybody! believes in different things and even normal people believe in strange things (like a friend of mine which is normal and sent an SMS to somebody and there was a problem and her SMS wasn’t sent and she thought it was a SIGN she shouldn’t send that SMS). And I don’t know in what to believe anymore. We are all delusional a bit, only that some delusions are more accepted than others.

I just don’t trust my judgment anymore and I’m confused.

I am very fond of constructivism and it helped me a lot

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Constructi ... cal_school)

And I do believe that people create their system of beliefs using "pieces" they have seen, heard or experienced and making connections between those pieces. And everybody interprets things in a different way regarding their experiences and even when they talk they might understand different things but the normal people have systems of beliefs that are more...reasonable, rational and commonly accepted by the society. I lived for a long period of time with the WRONG system of beliefs and now it's difficult to change it completely.

The problems occur especially when doing simple things as socializing with people. I guess I just have to forget everything I believed in these 4 years and learn how to make sense of reality in a more "normal" acceptable way. I guess I need a "mental cop" that watches over my thoughts and interpretations and rings the bell when I think something delusional. But this cop needs RULES to guide himself right? I guess it's all about rules. Yeah...maybe I need to create more rules to fallow and stick to them, maybe that would make things easier for me.

The problem is choosing those rules as I know that everybody nowadays has his own ideas about things and I can't make up my mind which ideas are better.

Sorry my English is so bad. It's not my mother tongue.

P.S: Please tell me if I sound delusional...I read on this site that you never say to people that they're delusional...I've even seen somebody saying "I believe you "etc...I don't want that!!! i don't want you to agree with me! Please!

I really want to get better!!! So tell me if I said something that sounds "delusional".

Maybe that’s why you aren’t answering? ?Because I sound delusional? Or because my messages are too LONG? Or I’m just jumping to conclusions again when that’s not really the case? See?..this is my problem..I still have these small problems interpreting things..But that is GREAT compared to the things I was believing 4 years ago.

Am I aloud to comment so much on my own topic???

I think you sound very articulate and have amazing awareness of your thought processes. Don't worry about not having a reply to your comment right away, it seems that sometimes it takes a few days for others to formulate a response, or to decide to respond.

I'm not a professional, but I've read advice on this forum to people in your situation to find someone to trust, someone who can be the one to reflect on what is real or not.

Some people on this forum, including myself, are dealing with a relative who has no ability to understand their delusions aren't real, and who would be so angry and isolate themselves from family if the family openly contradicted or confronted the delusions. That is why I have to just avoid the subject.

But your situation is very different and better, since you are trying to make sense of your interpretations. Good luck and keep trying, it will probably just take time. If you aren't seeing a professional already, think about doing so, because a mental health professional will know how to help.

I think your problem is not a delusion, but worry/reaction towards your own feelings and interpretations that you're afraid might be a delusion. Of course threat of mental illness creates anxiety and stress further causing various inner conflicts. You're probably gifted with hypersensitivity, but it hasn't been channeled towards creative goals and self expression. You should embrace your subjective interpretation as it's what separates you from the grey mass. Science can't understand subjective cognition. Not psychology, psychiatry, none of them. It's unique and something that belongs to you and only you. It doesn't mean that crazy idea of becoming a robot is a delusion. You could interpret as intuition telling you that current monotony and predictability of life is suffocating your creativity.

Have you looked into positive disintegration theory? It is for gifted individuals.

I've been diagnosed with delusional disorder as well, and also had fears of turning into a robot. The irony is that I build robots and am an artist. My interpretation of things is "off" to say the least. I just noticed a book that challenges contructivism, and asks us to rely on hard evidence to form our understanding of the world. Fear of Knowledge: Against Relativism and Constructivism. Maybe you can find something like that at your local library.

It might be particularly helpful to me because I'm extremely strong willed and think I'm smarter than most everyone I come into contact with, so it's helpful to challenge my own interpretations regularly, and to always have concrete evidence to draw upon.
While at my worst, I had some brilliant ideas for papers that connect or creatively shape world interpretations (what artists do best, I suppose).

The biggest issue I have had, is the anxiety I associate with some of the connections or interpretations I make. I get soooo scared when I start putting conspiracies together, it feels like this cloud hovering over me waiting to come crashing down. Perhaps that's also a sign that my delusions are in fact delusions. They unravel quite fast when challenged.

I responded to this post because I'm thoroughly excited about the associated creativity and how it fits into posthumanist thought paradigms. My doctor told me to think about why some of the delusions happen. For example, robots are a metaphor for autonomy, control, repetitive activity. Perhaps you're having fears about something along these lines? I feel like I'm doing dream analysis.