Spouse with cyclothemia, maybe; need to share/rant

Hi. My husband has cyclothemia, maybe, probably. The symptoms fit, but then my undergraduate education in psychology makes amateur diagnosis dangerous. A counselor (he is no longer seeing one) also suggested bipolar, but the episodes (until now) haven't been quite that extreme, just frequent. He wants to take on big projects, but then they overwhelm him and trigger a "down" episode. When he's up, everything is grand,he's very productive and loving, and he sleeps little, but it doesn't last. He is opposed to meds. But he has been in bed for the last 24 hours and says he's giving up (after being in a fine, pleasant mood prior). This is the worst I've seen him and I'm afraid to leave him alone in the house in this state. I am planning to make a psych appt for him tomorrow, but doubt that he'll go, and I cannot physically force him. At the same time, as long as he is just sleeping he's not a danger to himself or others...is it possible to just "sleep off" a depressive episode? If he's getting worse (both more frequent and extreme) does this mean he's headed for a bipolar diagnosis? I feel helpless...I try to get him to stay hydrated, eat something...but he says he doesn't want me to take care of him. I ask if he wants to talk about it, and he says he doesn't want to upset me or that there's nothing to talk about. He just wants to sleep. If anyone has been through something similar, on either side, I'd appreciate any guidance.

When I'm in the depressive phase, I just withdraw. Keep showing him you care but don't be pushy unless you think he's going to hurt himself or someone else. On a brighter day, see how receptive he is to counseling. If he's not proud of how the depression is invading his life, he needs to manage it. It's possible he'll be feeling so good, he won't think he needs any help--a fairly common trait. Keep looking for the right moment to guide him. Whether he's headed for a bipolar diagnosis, nobody can really say. Even a psychiatrist can't say for sure. The point is, things are getting worse and they have to be managed better. Good luck.

ditto what Dark_in_the_Light said. My depressive moods are fairly mild at the moment, but I do just want to withdraw and have people leave me alone. My mother-in-law on the other hand can lie in bed for weeks at a time convinced she's physically ill (she feels sick to her stomach, etc). It's tough on everyone. When she feels better, she can look back and know that she needs help, but during those times it's hard to get her up to even go to a pdoc. I really don't have a lot of advice... I think Dark_in_the_Light had some good things to say. But I did want to answer... and to let you know you're not alone.

Thanks Dark_in_the_light and coastermom. I finally gave an ultimatum this morning (probably bad, I know) that he needed to let me take him to the doctor or I'd call 911 - this is after over 36 hours with no food/water, so I was getting very concerned about his physical health as well as his mental health. This got him out of bed...not to the doctor, but progress still. He did have a little food and water this morning. He is outside in a hammock now, a relaxing place for him I hope. I'm trying to give him space, but at the same time I'm scared to leave him alone for long. He doesn't have a history of self-harm, but this is a new low and I don't know how low it goes. He is angry with me for not letting him choose what he wants to do (nothing). He insists he doesn't need/want help.
I also contacted a local counselor friend and am waiting to hear back. What do you think of a home visit from a counselor for someone who is unwilling to actively seek help? Would this be helpful or just create resentment?

No food and no water for 36 hours? I think you did the right thing. Your counselor friend could be just the right person to help. By what you say about him resenting you trying to help him already, I'd expect him to be resentful about the visit. But it looks like your choice is have him be resentful now or have him be resentful later when things may be worse. Is there a reason you need to delay dealing with the resentment--perhaps something you know he'll do that you need to prepare yourself for?

manonym,

haven't heard from you in a couple of days... how are things going?

Thanks for checking in. Life continues to be a rollercoaster with some good and some bad days. My friend provided some recommendations for a regular counselor. However, my husband thinks a change in environment (moving) might help, too. We might move close to his parents in the next month and start counseling there. They would be extra support for us both and a less stressful environment for him. Of course this is disrupting our life in all kinds of ways and I'm trying to deal with that as best I can without blaming him - I know he's pretty helpless in this, too.

He's lucky to have you. How far away is this move? Will you have to change jobs?