medicating cyclothymia with marijuana

I am self-diagnosed cyclothmic... one of those people who reads the symptoms and says "omg that is totally me."

i am also addicted to smoking marijuana. From my first tastes in high school, the attraction to marijuana has been strong. Nearly 20 years later, I smoke daily, and I continue to love how marijuana consistently adds a component of joy to my mood.

i often have guilt over my smoking, but other times it seems clear that the benefits dramatically outweigh the costs. and given that treatment for cyclothymia is often drug x, y, or z, what's the big deal if my drug happens to be self-prescribed and happens to be marijuana?

Just tossing this out there to see if anyone is in a similar boat, or has reactions one way or another. Thank you.

Just some more info... after reading a bit more, I realized I'm probably more likely to suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder than cyclothymia. My mood swings tend to be short in duration, and not random but driven by events. And my interpersonal worries often have an abandonment theme to them.

Even more info... there is definitely a component of Narcissism to my behavior, too. Mostly compensatory narcissism. I'm not much of an exploiter of people, but definitely have issues with grandiosity, entitlement, self-importance, self-control, and sharing my opinions too much. Woo-hoo!

Hi there,

Not sure if you're still around this forum, but just to say that my husband has a similar relation to marijuana. My take on the matter currently is that while marijuana probably is good medicine - and is far less scary to me than pharmaceuticals - it's not doing a great job of helping him manage his irritability, edginess etc... How about you? Do you find that the pot helps you to avoid the worst of the anger/irritation/stressed out times? If so, any tips on how you use it - timing wise, or smoked vs eaten, anything that you've noticed helps it be the best medicine for you?

best wishes

suzsooke wrote:my husband has a similar relation to marijuana. My take on the matter currently is that while marijuana probably is good medicine - and is far less scary to me than pharmaceuticals - it's not doing a great job of helping him manage his irritability, edginess etc... How about you? Do you find that the pot helps you to avoid the worst of the anger/irritation/stressed out times? If so, any tips on how you use it - timing wise, or smoked vs eaten, anything that you've noticed helps it be the best medicine for you?

In the short term, at least, I think pot helps me with anger and irritation when those emotions have flared up in me. When smoked, pot provides a near-instant mood change, which can help get my mind off of something aggravating that I otherwise would dwell on. Note that people have different reactions to pot, so someone else's experience with pot and anger/irritation could be quite different than mine.

For me, the more I reflect on my relationship with marijuana, the more I think MJ has helped me get away from a feeling of "inadequate" that has plagued me my whole life. The feeling is almost always there for me, other than when I'm in a good mood. And pot puts me in a good mood...

But I must say, as I have reached my mid-30s and smoke pot daily (in a state that allows it for those with doctor's note, like me) I wish I wasn't such a regular pot smoker. It's not good for your lungs, it's expensive, and it alienates you from people who don't smoke. I wish I could just smoke it now and then, but I find I'm either off of it for weeks, or on it daily.

Hello
I have been talking with a therapist for the past couple of years. I have not been diagnosed by a medical doctor, but it appears that I have a mood disorder which closely fits the symptoms of cyclothymia. In therapy I have come to realize what a high level of self-hate I am engaged in. Marijuana helps me to get perspective, but it is difficult for me to self medicate responsibly. When I use marijuana I eventually rely on it to help me, instead of being willing to do the mental work that is also required for me to stay healthy. I am still hoping to find a balance.

I tried lithium for a while. 1 pill a day caused severe depression (suicidal for the first time in my life). less than that did not have an adequate affect. My wife said she could see a positive difference in me with lithium (1/2 pill), but the affect was not helpful enough for me. Too much pain and seemingly uncontrollable self-hate.

Right now I am keeping my marijuana usage a secret from my wife. I am usually a very truthful person, but I find that keeping it a secret actually helps me to moderate my usage. I have been getting up early and smoking in the morning. I meditate and play some music and right now it seems to be working. Sometimes I tell myself that she knows. She is a smart woman. She probably does. I just feel incapable of dealing without some help.

This morning I have not smoked. I am trying to make myself skip at least a day. Before today I smoked once a day, for five days in a row. This minimal usage represents a real effort on my part and I am happy with the results. But, I still feel like I should skip a day, even if it means elevated emotional pain levels. I can deal with that for a day in trade for a little self-evaluation.

I feel like marijuana can help me to be so happy. Sometimes it can make me too happy and that contributes to a manic (hypomanic) episode. I just want to find a peaceful place. I know it takes work. Whether I am right or wrong I do not know, but I am convinced that I am not capable of doing this without some kind of chemical help.

There are so many good things happening in my life. I just want to make good decisions for a sustainable future. Sometimes I think I am lying to myself. It seems like a thin line to walk. I hide it from everyone. It is illegal in my state. the stigma.

It just seemed like there were some thoughtful people posting on this thread and I thought I would reach out and try to make a connection with someone who may have some of the same struggles.

Thanks for listening.

Invisible_Man wrote:It just seemed like there were some thoughtful people posting on this thread and I thought I would reach out and try to make a connection with someone who may have some of the same struggles.

Thanks for listening.

You are welcome.

I read your story, and I appreciate your struggle. Thank you for sharing here.

Your mood issues sound somewhat similar to my own, and judging by your story, it seems like you struggle with mj in a similar way that I do... kind of a love/hate relationship that is wary of dependence on any drug, let alone an illegal one -- but also can't deny that the mj seems to help a lot.

Isn't it odd, all the guilt issues that swirl around mj. legal, social, moral... sometimes seems ridiculous considering it's just a plant that grows easy and gives a nice little high when smoked.

After years and years of mj, I think I'm coming to the view that it is probably best left as a temporary or now-and-then type of assistant. I would say you are smart to strive to avoid making it a daily thing. I went the daily route, and now have an mj addiction like many people have a cigarette addiction, where I am tired of the costs and the coughs, and I want to quit -- but have trouble getting off and staying off.

I will always love mj. i firmly believe it gave me some badly needed mood changes and helped me through some otherwise-painful times during my late teens and my 20s. i just wish I would have taken it a little more easy, avoided long-term daily use. ah, moderation, always the best policy!

Anyhow, again I appreciate your words. As you can see, they inspired some more of my own

I used to smoke this, not regularly, but now and again. I find the way I react to it totally depends on my mind set. I don't tend to smoke it anymore.

If i take it when I'm mildly low, it really picks my mood up and it does make me feel a lot better. However, if i take it when my depression is severely bad then it makes me A LOT worse. I've found that if i take it in stages on hypo-mania it just heightens my symptoms e.g. I literally can't stop moving and I talk even faster then usual.

I would never touch any other drug, don't want to make my symptoms worse or give me mania, tipping me over into bipolar. I also wouldn't trust myself as it could put me or others into harm.

-- Mon Apr 01, 2013 12:57 pm --

Oh also from reading I'd like to add that it does take away my irritability and anger/stress too