cyclothymia support; empathetic ears

Dear Dark_in_the_Light,
Thanks for the input! Very much appreciated And thanks, for hinting at the ending of the book...LOL.....you know...as a parent, the disorder affects you in a little different way, than let say my husbands disorder affects me, he does not have the suicide swings, as he did when he was younger....I almost feel like I don't dare to read the book...with a child dying...as a parent, you know the risks are there, in the back of your mind all the time, and I choose not to go down that path... Our daughter is still young in this..and still "swings" hard...It would have to be when I feel I could "handle" it...but thanks again for letting us know it's out there. I hope you are doing alright right now, if not, please don't loose hope, and take care..things will change.

Hi coastermom,
I'm sorry, and here is a hug again, sounds like you need it Why does this sounds sooo to familiar!!??!
This is one, I have such a hard time wrapping my brain around...I don't understand what they "need" in these relationships???? At 17/18 my daughter was in one of these as well, she has never been so sick, as to what this relationship "triggered" her to feel/behave/do, on an every day basis...this was also the one, where "self medicating" came in to full bloom, as he also said she didn't need medication..so she didn't take it...the manipulation was unreal ....it was by far, the most horrifying time in my life. This is also where she barely graduated high-school, and shortly there after moved in with him...
She would call me when it was absolutely bad, when she was really really sick, but she would not come home... She would ask me if a certain behavior or treatment was "normal" in a relationship, I would tell her, no it was not, and why it was not...I was on "the edge" 24 hrs/day...We swung between "psychically removing her as a family intervention,(with police in tow)", to " she needs to hit rock bottom and figure out she needs to leave" It took over 6 months, with solid weekly rollercoasters, until she made the decision herself...When it was time, I had a family friend help her move out, and bring her home, if my husband and I went...it would have been bad..I would not have held ANYTHING back ..let me tell you..Do I put all the blame on him? No, of course not.. I just feel he took advantage of her and her disorder to fullfill his own needs...
It took some time for her to stabilize...but I know she put that relationship in the " I have failed something again" file...which she feels that folder is thicker than Texas...
And I worry about that relationship, has set the bar for current relationship...as long as she doesn't get treated as "that badly", then the relationship "is a good one"..which is completely untrue...
Is their "self-esteem" that low? Why? What is it they are telling themselves, that they are not worthy of anything better..?

So coastermom, keep your phone velcro'd to your body, I know you do, our children somewhere in their hearts and mind know, when it's not ok... I hope the call she makes, is the one to mom..
I wish there was something more I could say to soothe your heart, and keep the anxiety level bearable,just know I'm here and you are not alone.

Hi Dark, fireandrain, coastermom and others

Thanks so much for starting up this thread.

It is with great sadness that I tell you some terrible news. My brother recently took his own life, having gone through a depressive struggle of his own, and none of us saw the end of his life as a possibility AT ALL. This is the reason why I haven't been on the forum the last couple of weeks, needless to say.

It is an immense loss and hole in my heart that will never be healed. He was in his early 20s and was very close.

Oh, Beebop....

I am so sorry....

Sorry to hear about that Beebop. I wish I had some magic words to make it all better. All I can say is I hope it helps to know that other people wish you weren't going through this.

Dear Beebop,
Though we have never spoken, my heart just sank today, when I read your post. I don't have words to tell you how sorry I am for your and your family's loss.....

Hi friends

Thanks for replying. It is a terrible time and I feel such an immense hole, as does my family. It does help to know that people are thinking of me.

My mood due to grief has obviously gone south. I am doing my best to track as somewhere inside I know I need to care for myself.

I am back at work (read: physically present at the workplace but not doing a heck of a lot or wanting to speak to anyone much) and people are being supportive...but everything's so hard....

Love to you and yours, friends x

-- Wed Sep 12, 2012 2:42 am --

And of course my brother's friends and those who knew him...

Hi all,
Today was one of those days where the stars were aligned....we usually post here when things are rough....really rough..and that's probably when we need it most.. But, I also wanted to post when things are good..., because there is hope..and the changes are soooo tiny, that only people who live in it, could hear/see the change...it might not mean a darn thing in the bigger scope of life, but to me, I had to pull over the car and cry...
My 20yr old daughter still do not like her diagnosis, and taking her "crazypills", but "Mom, I do so much better when I take my meds, I'm more focused, and make better decisions", she says..." I have come to realize this cyclothymiathing is not gonna go away..I have it, it happened, it's here, soooo I guess I need to learn how to manage it better..." she says..."So I made an appt with a therapist to learn tools that I can use, to stay as stable as I can"..."And I need to take better care of me, so I can be a good mom to my son..."
I'm was crying because it was the first time ever, she has mentioned her diagnosis by it's name, admitted she does/feel/act better when she is on her meds, and maybe learn and use some tools to try to manage it better...it just took 5 1/2 years to hear that...even if she "swings" by tomorrow morning....today the stars were aligned, and there was hope...

Momwifeofhope,

That's AWESOME!!!!!!

And, yes, I think we should share the celebrations as well as the difficult times! Thanks for including us in your joy!

momwifeofhope,

If I could, I would hug you or shake your hand or whatever's appropriate just to say I'm glad you and your daughter have made it this far. Maybe it was something you said. Maybe it was something somebody else said. Or maybe she figured it out herself. But whether or not anyone gets credit for it, she wants to have control of her life, she understands there's something happening inside her that threatens that control, and she understands the therapist's role in helping her stay in control anyway. I don't know why you say these changes are tiny. I think for her to accept her circumstances is huge. She may never like her diagnosis. Who would? Only people diagnosed with something mild and easily managed when they were expecting something severe.

I hope you can continue supporting her in a way that empowers her. It's not pleasant to think about, but there will probably be a setback now and then. She may have a manic time again or feel like she doesn't need the medication anymore or the medication may begin working differently. That's just how it goes. Chances are, she'll be living a better life now. A life with a few setbacks is better than a life with no progress in the first place.

Thanks for posting.