Do I sound Cyclothymic or is it just ADHD?

Hi I'm 19 and for almost a year now, since I went to college I have been struggling with a lot of issues. Back last fall, I began experience a ton of anxiety from intrusive thoughts. These were so debilitating and just made my life feel like a dream. I have 5 other people in my family who were diagnosed with OCD as I was back in February. I am currently on 100mg of Zoloft, .75mg of Klonopin night nightly and .5mg daily. My obsessing and anxiety has gotten MUCH Better.

Recently, in the last two months I have been discussing with my therapist how unbalanced I feel. I have been this way for a lot of my life especially beginning in my teen years, but recently in has gotten much worse. I am constantly alternating between periods of excitement that comes from either stimuli of just out of nowhere and depression. But the depression is hard to describe. I feel almost paralyzed as if I want to get up and just go-go-go, but I can't. Within an hour my whole outlook on life can change on a dime, from loving life, feeling overly self confident, and just seeking a thrill to feeling disgusted and sad with myself,unmotivated,but restless at the same time. I feel like I always need something to keep me on a high, but its nearly impossible to keep that high for more than a day or two. I went to my psychiatrist and she was very sure that I have ADHD. Most of the symptoms fit me perfectly. What doesn't fit me are these mood swings I am having all the time. I am now on my 4th day of Adderall and haven't felt much of a difference yet (except when I combine it with coffee) it boosts my mood.

Socially I have always been a person who attracts a ton of acquaintances but ends of pushing people away in the end. I used to act up in elementary school (not things that got me in trouble) but things that would attract attention. As I grew older I became much more subdued, withdrawing myself socially. When I am on a high, I get a big thrill out of being a person I am not. I can't really help it either because it is me, but it isn't. I'm not sure if its because I am using it to hide low self esteem or because I am trying to compensate for something. For example when I was at work yesterday (I work at a camp teaching sailing) I came to work overly outgoing with an extremely inflated ego, joking and just feeling great about myself. I often say things to attract attention to myself and I get excitement out of being this outgoing zany person i pretend to be. Then out of nowhere while I'm hanging out with peers, everything comes crashing down. I loose my self esteem and and start to get really depressed. I had to take a boat out by myself and just sit on the water about ready to cry.

Sometimes when I am by myself I just pretend to be this person and get a thrill out of it. I think about all of the things I could day some day and how I would love to just let loose like most people around me and do risky things (like party and drink). It feels sometimes like I am dealing with two different people one that wants to stay grounded, and the other that want to be a different person. In reality I feel like the real me is somewhere in between. I'm so confused and frustrated. My mood swings are usually pretty unpredictable. I know I should be patient with the adhd medication, but I can't help but worry that I might have something else. Last night I cried for an hour feeling i'm insane, picturing myself getting wheeled away to a mental hospital. I'm just so confused... anybody else know what i'm talking about?

It takes a psychiatrist to diagnose cyclothymia or ADHD, so keep that in mind when reading any responses to your question. We're not able to diagnose you, but we can say what experiences of ours relate to yours. I can't tell from what you said if you're cyclothymic or if your feelings and outlooks go along with ADHD. A lot of the symptoms overlap. You could be feeling excited about the things you can do because you're in a state of mind to concentrate on them, but then you come across a memory of not doing something right or your ADHD makes some task difficult and it brings you down.

Don't fret if your first diagnosis or your first medication doesn't really fit. That's a common story. The best way to handle it is to keep seeing the therapist and psychiatrist. Let them know about your concerns that it may be cyclothymia. You may go through an exercise of supposing that it is and comparing the usual cyclothymic symptoms to what you're experiencing. Even if it's not cyclothymia, you can still get something useful from that kind of examination. Whatever it is, you'll know more about how it affects you and how it doesn't. Becoming more self-aware is what you need in any case.

Yes, I understand the confusion. I long felt something was wrong but I couldn't match up my depression symptoms to the stuff I read about. Then I read about cyclothymia and felt like I was reading about myself. Part of me didn't want to believe it though. The more I've thought about it, the more it explains. I finally went to a therapist to talk about it and began to accept.

Hang in there. Even when you're feeling alone, there are other people in the world who are going through the same kind of self discovery.

Dark_in_the_Light wrote:It takes a psychiatrist to diagnose cyclothymia or ADHD, so keep that in mind when reading any responses to your question. We're not able to diagnose you, but we can say what experiences of ours relate to yours. I can't tell from what you said if you're cyclothymic or if your feelings and outlooks go along with ADHD. A lot of the symptoms overlap. You could be feeling excited about the things you can do because you're in a state of mind to concentrate on them, but then you come across a memory of not doing something right or your ADHD makes some task difficult and it brings you down.

Don't fret if your first diagnosis or your first medication doesn't really fit. That's a common story. The best way to handle it is to keep seeing the therapist and psychiatrist. Let them know about your concerns that it may be cyclothymia. You may go through an exercise of supposing that it is and comparing the usual cyclothymic symptoms to what you're experiencing. Even if it's not cyclothymia, you can still get something useful from that kind of examination. Whatever it is, you'll know more about how it affects you and how it doesn't. Becoming more self-aware is what you need in any case.

Yes, I understand the confusion. I long felt something was wrong but I couldn't match up my depression symptoms to the stuff I read about. Then I read about cyclothymia and felt like I was reading about myself. Part of me didn't want to believe it though. The more I've thought about it, the more it explains. I finally went to a therapist to talk about it and began to accept.

Hang in there. Even when you're feeling alone, there are other people in the world who are going through the same kind of self discovery.

Thanks so much for your response! I guess I'll just have to be patient. Anyone else, feel free to chime in.

mbenz4ever wrote:I can't really help it either because it is me, but it isn't....Sometimes when I am by myself I just pretend to be this person and get a thrill out of it. I think about all of the things I could do some day and how I would love to just let loose like most people around me and do risky things (like party and drink). It feels sometimes like I am dealing with two different people one that wants to stay grounded, and the other that want to be a different person. In reality I feel like the real me is somewhere in between.

I have felt this way many times, but perhaps for different reasons. It is difficult to cope with, and I'm sorry that you're struggling with this. It's unnerving not being entirely certain of 'who' you are, especially when your moods seem unstable. I agree with Dark_in_the_Light, being more self aware should help. Be honest with yourself.

Personally, I discovered that when I daydream about becoming a different person, it's often as a result of intolerable stress - a form of desperate escapism. I was often feeling trapped and terrified by my surroundings. I'm not sure of the stressors in your life, but limiting your stress is rarely ever a bad idea. If nothing else, you'll be less stressed!

I'm glad your medication is currently helping your OCD and anxiety, though! Every dark cloud has a silver lining. Keep talking to your psychiatrist about your concerns and you two can try things that may help: adjusting medication, diagnosis, or so on. Definitely bring up Cyclothymia. I know it's hard to wait, but please try to take care of yourself in the meantime. Be as kind to yourself as you can be and try to foster as much patience/hope as possible. I'm sorry you're going through a rough time, and I'm crossing my fingers that things improve for you.

EDIT: Whoops, didn't notice this was months old. Apologies!

I know a Psych dr. who said he doesn't believe ADD exist at all, that it is a symptom of bi-polar spectrum. He said drug companies created this dx for addictive medicines to sell and make money, but that its infact a symptom of something else, interesting...not sure if i buy it, but is interesting. I was dx with ADD and became a mess with stimulants (made me worse), so then I got my real dx which was cycl then was treated correctly, nothing like it.