dx after 45 minutes?

Hi everybody
I'm 31 and was recently diagnosed with cyclothymia and add. I also have alcoholic family issues. I'm basically new here but checked out the site before when I thought my girlfriend at the time had bpd, and again after I kept taking those stupid online mental health questionnaires and they kept saying I might have bpd. I've seen a counselor for 2.5 years and she's pretty sure I'm not bpd. Out of everything, cyclothymia seems to me the best fit. The thing is, the psychiatrist was almost going to start me on add meds, but I told her about a couple of times in my life that I completely went off the deep end. The longest and most dramatic period involved me dropping out of college after having it out with the professor in charge of my degree and then a month or so later getting involved in a music collaboration with this hip hop artist, basically moving to the ghetto leaving half of my stuff at my apartment and three roommates, months before the lease was up, but at least squaring up on the rent. None of that mattered to me at the time because we were gonna save the world with our music. I knew everyone thought I had kind of lost it, but I also knew they'd understand once they saw what we were up to. In reality there was a lot musical potential, but there was also too much insanity. That ended badly of course. In the end, I felt I had been brainwashed. Is it common for people with cyclothymia to be susceptible to manipulation while in a manic or hypomanic state. Or is it possible that hanging out with bipolar people puts me in a state of sympathetic mania. It's all so confusing and my life has been a cycle between accomplishment and under-achievement. Concentration has always been a huge issue for me but no one ever believes me because I'm a pretty good musician and I've put in a fair amount of practice time. What they don't understand is that much of that practice time was extremely painful emotionally. I felt like I was going into battle in those practice rooms. Sometimes I'd just sit there paralyzed, stuck for hours. Sometimes I couldn't concentrate enough to play a simple exercise. I'd like to meet other people with similar experiences. What really prompted me to write is that the psychiatrist prescribed lamictal after hearing about that. I'm terrified of the drug, the idea of it is causing much anxiety. i'm in my first week of taking it(25mg) and have already had some new disturbing thoughts plus my lymph nods became swollen and painful four days ago. I haven't taken the med in over 48 hours and my nodes don't hurt anymore. I called the doc and she said the lamictal would alleviate my suicidal thoughts. The thing is that my suicidal thoughts i've been having since I started the drug are different than they were before. I used to be horrified when I thought about suicide but now I have no emotional reaction to them. Like all of the sudden it's just another option. It's strange. The doc dismissed both of my complaints and said to keep taking it. It is freaking me out. Thanks for reading this.

Hi, nebuler79! Maybe this is how it starts and then it will get better. People have said that it can take a while (a few weeks) for meds to have the proper effect. So, you could try doing what your psych says and then talk to her about it again in a couple of weeks. Do you think that could work? If the suicidal thoughts get worse and worse, you should definitely tell her and insist that something is wrong, but maybe this is just the first stage and then things will settle down.

Hi Nebuler79!
Wonderful to meet you... you're among people traveling similar paths hee hee! Your story touched my heart. The best part is that you probably have expressed symptoms of cyclothymia since your early twenties, but since it's a "mild bipolar", many of us go undetected... I wasn't diagnosed til I was 43, and once I started to read any and all articles I could get a hold of, I knew that each of them were describing me. I was horrified at first, then relieved that these bizarre behaviors and emotional swings weren't "just the way I am."... that it is passed down genetically, and that it is a biochemical condition in the brain, low levels of lithium, neurotransmitter stuff, seratonin levels... you're not "crazy!" Many many many people with our condition are "on fire" creatively... gifted in some artistic expression, so when you swing to the hypomanic side, the notes and the lyrics flow almost effortlessly, yes? but your mind is zooming at warp speed, mouth can't keep up with your head, slurred speech at times? hard to sleep? little if any appetite? I clean my house obssessively when I'm in hypo-overdrive. Then, when you crash and sink deep into depression, you lose all interest in what you were so passionate about. Lots of projects, started but never finished. Just want to hide under the covers and hermit out, sometimes the weather within you is a thunderstorm with no hope of a single ray of sunlight to burst through the black canopy above you. Here's another thing I wanted to share, I learned from my psychiatrist that my addictions to alcohol, marijuana, and cigarettes were my way of self-medicating. I THOUGHT I was just a heavy or "consistent" drinker (beer and tequila)...she said that all of these have lithium, and at the end of my work day, I always felt like i needed to chill out so my brain can slow down, so my self-medicating worked for me, and like you, major alcoholism on both sides of my family tree. What's curious to me is that your pdoc only prescribed lamictal for you. Mine started me on a mood stabilizer (lithium is mine but there are others and an SSRI (anti depressant), mine is wellbutrin but there are many others, as well. I also took a very light dosage of xanax for anxiety but I'm ready to wean off of that. The last drug she prescribed, I told her I still crave cannibis she gave me lamictal and I really found it effective! It's my favorite, but I'm weaning because of weight gain issues. It just affects some people this way... lucky me! But just like Jasmin said, the side effects will hang out for a week or two and then subside. When they're gone, you're ready for an increase, and really give it a chance cuz it takes a while to reach therepeutic levels. I had major nasal drip, and monster headaches... if you can handle it, stick it out! Don't worry and allow the "happy properties" to lift your spirits. I started to feel happier on the lightest beginning dose, but of course everybody's different. Oooh! I almost forgot! You had asked if that time of running and leaving your apartment to make music that would change the world is symptomatic of cyclothymia. I think so. We tend to be compulsive, spontaneous, and "runners." We'll follow the wind if it leads to the end of our artistic rainbow, or we'll bolt to be free from conflict and confrontation. There truly is beautiful music waiting to be birthed from within you. The drugs will not make you into a zombie and take your creativity away. Maybe some of the more hardcore ones, but each person is different. To find the perfect combination for your personal med cocktail is crucial; sometimes, getting a second opinion is a very good thing, or at least raise the questions to your pdoc. Last thing... knowledge is power! Learn all you can about our condition so you'll be prepared. The meds help to a degree, but they aren't the cure all... lifestyle changes are huge like getting lots of sleep and eating healthy foods at consistent times each day, exercise... and when a symptom like rage starts to rear its ugly head, beginning with irritation, just write to keep things in perspective. What is true? What is a possible assumption I'm making or conclusion I'm drawing?...find a place to deep breathe and release the volatile emotion so you can speak rationally without unleashing the "Cracken" Search high and low for how to best manage, and cope with the symptoms as they arise. You will notice a night and day difference over time, Nebuler! Just take this thing and master how it functions and what it does so it will never be master over you again. Glad you found us! Not many cyclos hang out here so it's nice to meet a new warrior in the struggle