Loved one with cyclothymia

My psychiatrist said that if the Zoloft makes me really drowsy I could take it at night time instead. Of course, at the same time it gave me horrible stomach cramps and diarrhea that would have woken me up if I had taken it at night. So it was like a lose-lose situation.

It could be low self esteem thing again working there... She feels that if she denies our son the soft drink, her mother will think of her as a bad mother, not giving him what he wants. Of course, it doesn't matter that a child can't possibly know what's good for them and what's not.

With the sex, it seems to be cyclical too, but the cycles are much longer than her moods, so I'm not really sure if it's related or not. Also, when you have a child, it becomes even more difficult. That's why personally I feel that instead of waiting for that time when there's time, opportunity and desire, you just have to schedule it, no matter how unromantic that sounds like. Scheduling takes care of the time and opportunity, and hopefully desire will come later. Actually, I'm pretty sure her pdoctor suggested that as well.

But unfortunately, whatever betterment of her life she decides to do, it never seems to last very long.

Hey where is everybody? Thanks for sticking around, babygirl!

your welcome yer were is every one lol. i think they ran away. there probably been reading the bipolar forums. id be to afraid to take at night because of it keeping me up all night. i have truble sleeping half the time. yer i aready have and from the start have always had nausia in tumy and have runs every morrning lol. well at least i get cleaned out. the other day i had the runs all day like 5 times thats when its not good. but the doctor said some thimes its good to have runs. my pdoc said what the zoloft dose is from when u take it in the morrning it slowly lifts your mood and by night drops. im tied now. just about falling asleep it real bad ya gotta laugh when im awake i am. but when my brain wants to sleep i have truble fighting it so much it shits me. i only take 75 mg i think thats what i take a day.

maby she dosnt want to be seen as the bad parent to your son. im ot sore on that one im not a mum yet lol. cant wait though. but i now it will be difficalt with my cyclothymia it may even be a night mear or make me better lol. it scares me though.

so do u think women after having a baby dont want to have sex. or do u think its your intermisy relation ship. im asking u cos im curiase.see i always say we dont do it enough some times but then other time i cant be bothered either lol. when we was young in our teens we did it all the time when ever we had the chance lol. but as times gone on it seems like its gotten less. but when we do its amazing cos hes a pleaser so he wont go till i have so hes a good husband and caring. he nows exacly howw i like it. like i turned him down last night lol to teach him a lesson and i never do that i take when ever i can lol. but i said to him no im not giving it so u can keep being all huggy its turning me on but im so not giving in cos when i want it u dont give it to me. so i was mean last night. but i had to let him now what its like to be rejected. when he wants i dont. when i want he dont. its just the way it is some times i lov having love with him and the way he makes me feel. but i do think my meds make me want it more than usal. im not saying i want it all the time. id be happy with 4 times a week. but its only 3 to once a week. and we tend to always wait till the weekends when theres no work.

-- Tue Aug 30, 2011 3:39 pm --

i know its a personal conversation and i hope your ok with talking about it. but as we all like to chat with each other but find answers to or give answers. and it only seems to be us chating away any way

Help me please, I am in my mid 20s and my boyfriend is in his late 20s. We have been together over a year and he told me from the start that he had been diagonsed with cyclothymia, but I never really paid attention/looked into it.

Obviously, at the start his unpredictable and intense moods did not affect me as much, but now our lives are a lot more intertwined it is taking its toll on my own mentality, career and friendships. I love him unconditionally and want more than anything to make our relationship work, as when he's in a stable mood we have the most incredible relationship. It's fun, affectionate, productive and exciting. If we go on holiday or away together, we are great - never argue and it is just pure happiness. We have a connection I have never seen between other people and he is totally loyal.

However, when he gets out of control - he gets really out of control and always combats his bad moods with alcohol and drugs, which is obviously the worst thing to do. When he's in a dark episode there's nothing I can say or do to control him. He is verbally abusive towards me, spits at me, smashes up things/his entire flat, he cuts the top of his arms with knives and, if we are out, tries to start an argument/fight with anyone around. I am quite a calm, sweet and chilled out person - who hates confrontation, but I know in the past I have delt his issues badly. When he verbally and irrationally attacks me, I try to keep calm and reasonable, but at times have just ended up screaming at him (making the situation get even more out of hand) and then criticising him continuously about it when he's in a better mood/sober afterwards. Making him feel extremely guilty for things he's done and said.

I am conscious that I am young and this is also a very important time in my own life. I told him that his issues are beginning to burden me, which obviously made him much worse and feel terrible - i think this was probably the wrong way to deal with it, but as I said to him "I'm your girlfriend and not a nurse" I don't know what I am supposed to do - so of course I make mistakes. It is just now though that I am now starting to appreciate it is an illness.

I want more than anything to help him and be with him, as I know from past experiences, when we have gone through weeks of just absolute happiness, that we could be brilliant, but I am constantly on edge and scared of what he may say or do - or if something will trigger his erratic mood. I am now scared to integrate him with my friends, as I know a lot of them who have experienced this difficult/rude/aggressive side of him and don't particularly want him around (although they'd never say it - out of love/respect for me and through fear of isolating me). I do not want to isolate myself from my friends either and know if they got to see the great side of him they would understand why I love him. Do you have any advice you could give me?

He is much worse when he's drunk and borders on alcoholic, and the worst thing is - he does not want to seek help and has not tried medication before. Although he says he wants a more happy/balanced life with me and wants positive change. He is a musician and I think he's scared that if he becomes medicated or too stable he will lose his creativity. Is there anything I can say or do that may convince him to seek help? Do you have any advice on how I should handle his moods and actions - when at home alone or out in public?

He has gone through several terrible life altering things in the past six months - such as family trauma, losing his record deal/career instability and the death of a friend. Therefore I am trying to be as undertanding as possible and realise these events have been catalysts for the worst of his actions. I know there is no real cure for this illness but is it possible (if with meds or even without) we could have a happy and more balanced life together? We talk about moving in together, kids and marriage in the future, but I only want this if it will be a suitable and happy environment. Are my expectations that things will and can get better unrealistic?

saaristonlapsi
you wouldnt belive but i gave in to him lol last night. only cos i felt bad and sorry for him and i wanted to. but the hole point was that i wasnt stong enough to just hang out and let him suffer like he dose to me lol its just not me. im a person that worries to much on others feelings. and i get the guilts and it makes me feel horrible so its easier just to give in than feel bad.

AppleTree
keep being stong and suportive of your other half its the bets thing you could do for him as well as at the same time as looking after your self and your health and stress leavels. i as a cyclothymic suffera go through cycles of good and bad moods with all different moods in between. its grate that you now your information and history on it and are very understanding about it. like your friends some people get it some dont usally the ones that are to selfish and care to much about them selfs. im not sore if you already have explained to them that his behavoure is an illness that cant be help and they should understand that he dosnt choose to be like that. you sais he dosnt want help. to tell you the truth it could be the best thing if he wants to have a more of a stabile mood. he will still be creative. and he will still have symtoms but they will just be a lot less and not so sevier. he will feel better in him self. i went 6 yrs with out med. and being on mood stabilizers have changed my life for the better. i still lash out every now and then but not as bad or for as long. at the same time all this is no excuse for him to treat you like that in any way or situation but at the same time hes unbalanced. im hearing ya. its grate yous can comunicate about it when hes one a more normal level. and thats going to be the best time for you to have a chat with him. he cant go untreated if you dont want him to treat you like that im sorry that its like this for you i really am. i hope it works out for you. i trent to still get a bit snappy at night because my mood stabilizers wear off before i take my next dose and when i get snappy it reminds me opps take ya pills. keep use posted and ask all the questions you want hun xo

babygirl 86 wrote:saaristonlapsi
you wouldnt belive but i gave in to him lol last night. only cos i felt bad and sorry for him and i wanted to. but the hole point was that i wasnt stong enough to just hang out and let him suffer like he dose to me lol its just not me. im a person that worries to much on others feelings. and i get the guilts and it makes me feel horrible so its easier just to give in than feel bad.

You know my wife is the ame way, and me too even, that we both worry about other peoples' feelings. So much so that we put them ahead of ours. It's something I haven't really thought of as deeply as I should've. It's kind of a lack of personal boundaries. Like when someone asks me a question, my first thought is not what's the truth or the right answer. My first thought is what does the person want to hear.

Like on this survey:
http://www.aplaceofhope.com/boundariessurvey.html
I scored 147.

-- Wed Aug 31, 2011 6:31 pm --

AppleTree - Hi there, I know it can be hard living with someone with cyclothymia. I have for years, and it has a big effect on you, even if you don't realize it.

I've said this to others, and I'll say it again. Take care of yourself, maybe you should start seeing a therapist? Don't think that it's because there's something wrong with you. Think of it as help for yourself, because you can't help your BF be better if you're not well. Also, it might be a good way to get him to see a therapist himself. You know by disguising it as "Hey, I'm seeing a therapist, and he wants to talk to both of us, could you come with me."

Also, watch out that you're not enabling him. I've heard it being said that left to their own devices an alcoholic could not keep up the alcoholism. They have a "support net" where they get to offload their problems on everybody else.

There are some things you may be able to do for him, to be in a better mood. Like get him to exercise and eat well. Especially fish oil can have some positive effect. It won't replace therapy, but maybe it'll give that little extra that's needed to convince him to seek therapy.

Good luck, and keep us posted!

Thank you both. Do you have any advice on how I should react when he is extremely and unnecessarily rude/aggressive towards me or others? Should I ignore it, or walk away, or try and reason with him, or scold him, or be very understanding and then talk to him about it the next day/when he's in a better mood? Is there anyway or neutralising him when he starts to get out of control?

An example is last night he came over and was in a great mood. We ordered a take away online and paid online, then the company rung me to tell me that they would not deliver to my area - we would have to walk a minute away to collect it from the next road. I informed them that the website site said they delivered to my area, etc - they said check the terms and conditions, which we did and it said nothing about it. So essentially they were in the wrong. I was annoyed, but thought there is no point going crazy over a one minute walk and we had already paid. However, my boyfriend flew off the handle and went mental at take away place on the phone. He threatened them aggressively and shouted. When we collected the food he went mental at the delivery boy (who obviously had nothing to do with the situation - don't shoot the messenger) was very confrontational and aggressive. This instance put him in a very bad mood for a while, which I eventually managed to bring him out of, but only as he was sober - it would have been much more extreme and hard to manage if he were drunk. This is a minor/everyday example - sometimes his reactions/actions can be much worse/more unjustified and even completely unprovoked at times.

Also, how could I go about approaching the topic of him seeing someone/possibly going on mood stabilisers? I have got to start seeing a counselor of my own anyway, as I suffer from insomnia, which I have had for years, but is obviously not helped by the stress of living with his unpredictable moods/actions. x

saaristonlapsi my score was 131.

AppleTree

i wrote a hole heape but i pushed rong button and lost what i wrote so ill just do it again ill for get what i put in the other one so hope i can remember most of it. well theres not really a lot you can do when hes in thoses moods if hes already exercising and eating healthy. only medication is the answer most of the time if its to hard for some one to controll. speasialy when there in that state of mind. its best you tell him to go cool down or you just go into another room and give him time to carlm down. and hopfully the next mood shifft is a lot nicer one. beccause at the same time when hes like that all pissed off hes running on really high levels of adrenilen witch can meke him do silly things and say.

like yester day i was in a fowe mood. nothing personal or no fight. and when my husband came home from work he noticed so he stayed away from me because he nows that any little thing will and can set me off im very sencitive. and when we went to bed hes like whats rong babe. i said dont ask that question its silly you know. hes like i know hunny that its not your folt thats why i dont take it personal he said. so im very lucky that he understands and hes a good man. a lot of partners would just walk away with out trying to fix the problem because they have no ider what the problem is.

saaristonlapsi

just a question im 25 im sore you probebly already now that from us talking a lot but ive for got if ive told you. i was just wondering and you dont have to answer it but how old was your wife when yous had your son. i always wanted to be the age i am now. but ive know for 10 months now that no good me trying for one this year with all the pills best to let me get use to them for a bit. so 10 months ago ive come to terms with understanding and excepting that we not going to try now till late next year around this time. but it puts my hole plan out lol. did you wife manage ok when your son was a new born because they say its hard for bipolar people because we fall into depresion did she have this problem or did she cope ok.

I wish I knew the magic thing to say or do, when someone is in a mood like that... There probably isn't one. So you just have to be careful. I'm sure every one of us have had days when everything seems to be going wrong, and then you snap at someone, even though you didn't mean it. Often times you feel even worse then, don't you? It's just another negative thing on top of everything else...

babygirl, I was 32 and my wife 34... So don't worry, you still have plenty of time! For me personally, it was terrifying, for many reasons. But then again, maybe I'm a perfectionist, and I can spend an eternity waiting for the right moment, and it'll never come.

I think it was very hard on my wife. She definitely had depression then, also because her father died when she was pregnant. And that was absolutely crushing for her. Of course, then she got a scrip for antidepressants, and you can guess how that ended...

But I think you are in a much, much better condition already, given that you know about your condition, and know what you should do. Then again, if you think waiting is best for you, it's best for the baby too.