Relationships

I was diagnosed with Cyclothymia like a year ago. After that I have also been diagnosed with slight traits of BPD, but the Cyclothymia diagnosis was upheld. I worked a lot on the BPD (actually also years before the diagnosis) and it really got better.

Still, I still realize that I use to have a special relationship behaviour. I tend to fall hard for someone and usually my self-esteem evaporates. I can do nothing but think about this person. There are many persons interested in me but I usually choose to be interested in those who will never give me what I need. Anyway, when it comes to the point where I realize that the person doesn't want as much with me as I want with that person, I don't really suffer it that much, but I turn pretty cold very fast and move on with my business.

That ended with me having a lot of short time relationships, mostly open relations, or not even relations, but just "going out" which were pretty intense anyway, and went from not even knowing each other to very intense within days. Usually I choose people who don't constantly live in my country, so usually it ends with the person going away (or I choose to fall in love when I am living abroad once again, which leads to me leaving eventually). Anyway, I get over it pretty fast, but I feel like none of this is very normal and deep within I feel the strong desire to have a partner, someone I can rely on and who will be more than just another one who accompanies me for three months.

So I am trying to figure out what is going on here, until now I was blaming it on the BPD, but I really became so much more stable in that sense, just the cyclothymic mood swings persist unaltered. So I was wondering if any of you can relate with this? Could it be part of the cyclothymic behaviour?

For starters I want to say I don't have BPD. My bf does, and I do have bipolar and a personality disorder...but not that one. Hoping I can maybe shed a lil light from an outside perspective.

Theresa1991 wrote:I worked a lot on the BPD (actually also years before the diagnosis) and it really got better.

For starters, I wanna say that's awesome. It's hard enough with PD's, and especially ones like BPD.

I tend to fall hard for someone and usually my self-esteem evaporates. I can do nothing but think about this person. There are many persons interested in me but I usually choose to be interested in those who will never give me what I need. Anyway, when it comes to the point where I realize that the person doesn't want as much with me as I want with that person, I don't really suffer it that much, but I turn pretty cold very fast and move on with my business.

One thing I work on with my boyfriend is things we're each interested in. This isn't necessarily what we both like, but rather what I like and what he likes. We can't pick the same ones even if we both like each others interests.

I also spend quite a bit of time with him, but also deliberately spend time apart to get him used to the idea of not always being dependent on me being around him all the time. This wasn't easy at first, but now he seems to get the fact that I'm not going to disappear on him, or no longer care about him simply by not being in the same room.

Even if you aren't with someone at the time, you can practice these exercises. Your like and dislikes are what make you you, and you don't need to be dependent on another person all the time. Start out with a small amount of time then expand on it. My boyfriend used to have a hard time recognizing the difference between wanting alone time and not wanting to be around him. I've noticed that this tends to be the theme for most with BPD.

That ended with me having a lot of short time relationships, mostly open relations, or not even relations, but just "going out" which were pretty intense anyway, and went from not even knowing each other to very intense within days. Usually I choose people who don't constantly live in my country, so usually it ends with the person going away (or I choose to fall in love when I am living abroad once again, which leads to me leaving eventually). Anyway, I get over it pretty fast, but I feel like none of this is very normal and deep within I feel the strong desire to have a partner, someone I can rely on and who will be more than just another one who accompanies me for three months.

The likely reason you do this is due to wanting something safe. You already go in knowing it'll be short term. Not as likely to have a messy breakup if the person is soon to leave the country anyway. Since there's no breakup you don't feel as bad, but you do long for an actual relationship...but without fear of potential drama.

So I was wondering if any of you can relate with this? Could it be part of the cyclothymic behaviour?

Mood disorders and BPD are often co-morbid. I don't know exactly what it's like to be cyclothymic since I have full on BP1, however impulsiveness and hyper-sexuality is pretty common for BP as well as BP1. Not sure how it is for cyclothymia though.