My psych thinks I Cyclothymia?

Hey I have posted a few times in other forums mainly Bulimia because that was the reason I started to confront my issues because I knew that wasn't normal. But it kind of opened a can of worms because after spending a couple of hours with a psych she came to the conclusion that I possible have Cyclothymic disorder. But said I need to spend time with a therapist for a diagnosis.

Think I'm in a manic type faze right now because the powers in my mind have come back and are saying "It's better to burn out than to fade away". My psych said 'You do realise that they are not real voices and its just you talking to you don't you?'...yes I know this. But I'm like three people. 1. The normal me who can cope with anything that is chucked at me and I cope. Sees a future and its a happy one. 2. The depressed me and that is the one that I spend the most time with. I don't want to be around people, don't want to work, don't want to learn and don't see a future no matter how hard I try. Then 3. The one that goes crazy and says you deserve SO MUCH MORE SO SPEND, borrow and steal to get what you want out of life because you deserve the best of everything and F@*& everyone else! Because its better to burn out than to fade away! I don't think that I would ever kill myself but being three people is hard F*****G WORK! and its wearing me out.
I went bankrupt a few years back and my parents really helped me out with this and I promised I would never end up in that state again. But when number 3 me takes over I go crazy with pay day loans because that's the only credit I can get, to the point now that it takes up my whole wage and I don't know what to do about it!!!

Think I need some kind of mood stabilizer (without weight gain side effects!!) but my psych things that therapy is the way forward. I just want this too stop and can't wait much longer!

Any advice??

Hey stoo,

Sorry to hear you're struggling with mood swings so much. It does sound you have a degree of understanding about what your swings are like and how they present. Knowing this, and planning for it, can help minimize the damage.

Therapy can help you cope better with the aftereffects of mood swings but I haven't heard of it being used exclusively in these cases. You can ask for clarification and also get a second opinion if that puts your mind at ease.

Sorry I can't be of much more help at the moment. Hope you're doing ok and find some treatment that makes you feel better soon!

I'll see how it goes. I didn't purge for a while and kinda felt normal but it didn't last too long. My weight is the only thing I can control right now. I hate my life, my job, my money situation and the feeling of just being completely empty. Like I have nothing more to offer anymore. I can't love and I really don't care to hate either...lost

Hi stoo,

That's a lot to carry on your shoulders. How long do your depressions usually last?

It sounds as though the bulimia is tied to your mood swings. This is just a thought, but maybe the purging will become less attractive over time as the treatment for your mood swings begins to help. It took a while for my treatment to begin working and it felt as though I was drowning in the depression and ED for a long time. I hated the idea of giving up my bulimia when it was the only source of comfort present.

Binging and purging also has an effect on mood and can become addictive. Your therapist might take a different approach, but I needed to have all my disorders addressed at the same time in order for it to be effective at all. I ended up using CBT for both the mood & eating disorders. It's not a cure-all but it did help me become more self-aware and see options.

Take care

Hey Ladyswan,

The length of my depression can vary really from weeks to months. I wouldn't say there was a regular time frame. But I would say that I'm more depressed than not because even when I'm feeling hyper or normal I can sometimes do something really stupid like binge drink, binge eat or over spend and my mood can crash straight down again into complete despair and loss of control.

Its a really difficult situation that I just cant sort out on my own. I never think I would ever try to end my life but sometimes lately when I do something stupid something keeps telling me "It doesn't matter because your not going to be around for much longer". Sounds crazy I know but I just can't get it out of my head sometimes.

Thanks for listening.

Take care

Thought I'd write an update on things after reading all of my old posts on both here and the Bulimia forum. I can kinda see how all of these issues are seen as 'attention seeking' and 'Yeah your depressed...pull yourself together and get over it!' from the outside.

I am feeling pretty normal right now and haven't purged since Sunday (Its now Friday). But then if I was attention seeking I would be telling everyone that I know how I feel to see the reaction and shock factor. But that doesn't interest me at all and I've covered it up pretty good for as long as I remember because at first I thought that everyone felt like this, but then I also feel ashamed of it, so told no one apart from maybe two people now that I really trust.

I got my psychiatrist report through the post the other day and it felt strange seeing it all in words, but it was a great help. If you are about to see a psychiatrist and they ask at the end if you want your report in writing then say yes! Because it has shown me that what I am going through is real and I'm not just putting it on.

I get to see my therapist on the 12th August and I'm not dreading it anymore. I just want to know which is the best foot to put forward in tacking my issues because I have no idea. But I know that without help...its not going to go away and it will only get worse!

Finding inner peace is now my biggest ambition in this crazy world we live in!