The New Crisis Thread

smurf wrote:Urges are still very strong. Thoughts are racing. Don’t feel anything, not even numbness. I just don’t want to be alive anymore.

THIS
feel like that too

Hugs, if wanted. Hang in there.

went to the crisis team today i hear voices they turn around and said i didnt have psychcoic illness i have BPD the voices are very loud av taken medication for it it dont do anything the voices are tormenting me i want to die i want to jump off a bridge or go to the train station and jump on the tracks I WANT SOMEONE TO HELP ME am worthless to them they dont give a ###$

LivingDeadGirl76 wrote:went to the crisis team today i hear voices they turn around and said i didnt have psychcoic illness i have BPD the voices are very loud av taken medication for it it dont do anything the voices are tormenting me i want to die i want to jump off a bridge or go to the train station and jump on the tracks I WANT SOMEONE TO HELP ME am worthless to them they dont give a ###$

If it gets bad enough, go to ER/A&E at hospital and tell them what you told us, sweetie. That you feel as if you're at risk for doing something bad to yourself, they can hardly ignore that, I think.

Let us know how you're feeling!

I'm super restless in my head. To my meltdown of Friday (story: how are you feeling today).

My head keeps turning. Whether I have to report it tomorrow or not. I'm afraid that if I do it I'll have to go into therapy right away. But Friday I'm going to Thailand for 7 weeks... this is what I'm going to do anyway.

Thoughts of cutting or suicide or not. I want to leave the Netherlands. I just want to run for once and run for my problems is that so bad?

The carving thoughts don't go away! And the rest of it doesn't matter whether it happens now or discussed later.

I don't want to die. My thoughts only make me think that.

Now I doubt because today is another bad day. I want to cut because I am so restless about that conversation. You'll see that it's nothing, but still...

I just don't want to talk about it! I Just want it tot stop..

I understand about wanting to run. I often want to... run from myself, I guess. But we can't, no matter how bad we feel we want to. I can't outrun myself.

I think a lot of my suicide ideation is more escapism, than wanting to die- I don't at all want to really, really die. I just want escape from my anxieties.

Try to stay safe. Being safe, is more important that going on that trip- but if you do, please try to take care of you.

Doesn't look like anyone is posting here lately. OK. Just thinking if I put it out in the universe that will change the dynamic. We're DID. Guess that's important to say. Have one who does gentle cutting. Just enough to see blood. Now another who really wants to cut significantly. Know cuz one's left handed the other right. Therapy has been rough lately augmented by unexpected death of sister whose estate is in shambles. Took months to get house on market..last week. Found she didn't complete our father's estate, they didn't deal with Mom's. 3 times to court. Now trying to clear them all. So my kids will not be left with a mess. Old family records, pictures for generations tossed in unsorted/unmarked boxes. Pictures of us at all ages, all thru the times of abuse. My guess the desire to not just cut a little but harm is to shut everything & everyone up. Keep saying if he does that then we will have to get dressed & drive to the hospital on a busy weekend night. Spend hours waiting. Think of a good reasonable/ acceptable explanation of what happened. Try to hide it from people while wearing summer clothes, probably follow up with GP. Have appointments tomorrow. Not worth it ... But it may be.

Do the others in the system have the combined influence to keep the serious self-harmer from cutting, you think?

For those of you who may remember me, I just want to say, I've been doing so well for over a year now but in the time of lockdown because of this virus I àm heading for a fall..

Well hello!

I'm sorry to see you back under these circumstances, but even so, good to know you've been hanging in there...

Hopefully this will soon break enough for some semblance of normality.