The New Crisis Thread

I'm done. Sorry

so sad

This is my first time posting in this thread, but I do believe I am in crisis.

I SH'd really bad. And I feel just awful about it because I have been SH free (aside from a few very minor slip-ups) for 2 years. I really badly want to SH more and I'm resisting the urges but it's very difficult. I also have all of this medication in front of me and I'm resisting the urge to take all of them. I want so badly to hurt myself more or just end my life.

I do not want to go back to the hospital. I am in so much pain (both mentally and physically because of my cuts) and I just don't know what to do. I was betrayed by someone very dear to me and I don't know if I can forgive him. He's all I have left. And I don't know what to do. This triggered me and it's just been a snowball effect of awful thoughts. I really don't trust myself right now.

^ how are you now jellybeanery? Did you take the meds?

Serious answer required - if I had posted what you have, what you suggest I do?

Do you feel able to get your wounds checked?

Stay safe

Jelly, how are you feeling now? Do the cuts need tending to? Please take care of them!!

Let us know how you're doing! Try not to harm again- I know it can be hard to, sometimes. I did a few days ago mainly because I just felt I needed the relief- it's so easy to lapse back into SH as a way of coping, isn't it?

Smurf............

*knocks you down with a running hug*

Ain't seen you on, girl! Very gratified to see your name pop up in posts, sweetie....

Jelly - definitely take care of the wounds first of all,
Im really sorry that you was betrayed
Gentle hugs if wanted


Smurf -

Ain't seen you on, girl! Very gratified to see your name pop up in posts, sweetie....

Same for me, nice to see you posting Smurf
hugs

@smurf - if it had been you who said these things, my advice would be to go to the hospital. Because it could go from SH to more than that, and the hospital is a safe place to be free from the tools in which to do it. That being said, I am refusing to go to the hospital.

I really hope I am not going into too much detail here, but *TW* I did take 7 mg of klonopin which really knocked me out. I only take 0.5 when needed, so I do not have a high tolerance to them. I couldn't stay awake or function well.

@snaga - you are right, it is easy to relapse to SH. The urges to do it are very strong and almost impossible to resist.

My response to both of your questions - I am depressed. One thing set me off and it just all snowballed from there. I did take very good care of the cuts, and it is wrapped in gauze, but it hurts like hell and it looks awful. [editing this out] I am still struggling with trying not to keep doing it, but somewhere else on my body that I can cover up. I am actually glad it is winter so that I can wear a sweatshirt to cover it.

Aside from sleeping 4 hours from the klonopins, I have been awake since 4 am. I really should sleep now, and I will probably sleep the majority of the day. I have therapy tomorrow and I am hesitant to tell her because I know for a fact that she will send me to the hospital via police and ambulance like she has done before. Aside from sharing this here, I have only told my bf (who is actually the reason I did this in the first place). He came over to tend to my wounds. He stayed with me until 4 am (when I woke up) to keep an eye on me. Even though what he did led me to this, I am blaming myself. I just feel I am worthless and repulsive and I shouldn't exist anymore.

EDIT: @echinacea - hugs are definitely welcome, thank you. (sorry if i spelled your name wrong)

EDIT: @echinacea - hugs are definitely welcome, thank you. (sorry if i spelled your name wrong)

your welcome
No biggy if you did, just shorten to "Ech" other members do, so dont worry.

Jellybeanery just sending hugs. How are your wounds?


Snaga and Ech don't get too excited! I'm still not in a good place, but I'm also very shut down.

@smurf - thanks for the hugs.

Well, I took the gauze off to shower, and the swelling went down, but they are still bad and they still hurt. My sister looked at it and was like, "damn" we went to the store to get more gauze and she helped me clean it and put the gauze on. I feel so awful.

~

I am more calm now, so I don't think I will SH. I feel more safe. But this betrayal by my bf is what set this off, and I don't even know if he wants to work it out with me. He's the one who ###$ up, not me, and I feel like this is all my fault somehow. I feel like he has turned this around to make me the bad guy. And if he ends our relationship over my reaction to something he did... first of all, he's a dick. And second, I will be back to SH and crisis mode. I'm scared about that, but I'm trying to remain hopeful.

But his Facebook says he was active 5 hours ago, which is hours after the message I sent him and he hasn't seen it. So either Facebook is stupid, or he is just ignoring me. I will admit to having paranoid thoughts about this, but I'm really hoping it is just a Facebook ###$ up, because that thing usually isn't accurate. The waiting to hear from him is killing me. I wish I could just go to sleep, but I am not tired. So I'm going to have anxiety for a bit. But I am creating a tranquil environment to calm down.