damn... (trigger)

Ive been cutting myself daily. Yesterday morning I sliced the hell out of my lower legs. I can't even begin to count the cuts. I have cuts in other places I don't even remembering making I want to stop, but I like it so much.

what does it do for ya? i mean, what is it you like?

I know what you mean. You wanna stop so bad but it feels to good to stop. I love it, but I hate it. But even more than I hate it, I hate that I love it!! IF that made no sense, then pretend I didn't say it. It made sense to me though.

Elemtent is a good person to talk too about this. (hope you don't mind?)

I hate pain! I avoid it al all costs.

For instance, I hate my finger being used for a blood test...to many neural endings...but, would rather have a blood test in my arm...less endings.

There is one thing that is totally real...cause an effect.

The effect of the pain has something the does something for you...and it's not no sadistic thing!

No way!

To cut yourself...there is soemthing that has drive.

The drive gets you from one poin to another.

Point A is usually not good.

Point B is where you want.

For instance..as an OCD sufferer, I have to do a ritual. I feel at point A and I'm striving for point B. Don't be suprised if you know the answer. Don't cut. If it were that easy?

By cutting, your thoughts change! You go to a point A to a point B.

But, you probably don't know the thoughts.

I have that problem with OCD, but our problems are similar in a point of gain.

I gain a loss of anxiety by doing a ritual. Do you gain a loss of anxiety by injuring yourself? Many cutters do this..not from experience..but my bio.

Cutting can do a number of things...it can ground you to relality even though you don't need it...it can be subconscious...

Cutting can remind you of mortality.

Cutting can be a release of emotions that are hard to deal with...
I can understand that!

I feel bad...something triggers me and I to a ritual until i feel more control.

Just a suggestion?

What if you have a lot of emotions and they bother you...to many problems at once...areas of your past that come creaping in and build up, like your in cage, and can't get out and you need to open the door?

The cutting is painful and emotional and releases a giant amount of emotion, as if the door breaks open and your out in freedom for a while?

Yet, your still in the cage?

And, it all happens again?

The question is what are the emotions and why are they hard to deal with?

A trained socialworker could help you find that. Yet, it comes with a price? You have deal with them and only you...they point you in the right direction!

Now, me? We can talk and area will be sensative...and you might not feel your getting anywhere...and, I will ask...how are you doing...and sppologizes around...this is thread.

No socialworker..no Pschologist..just sufferers...sounds hopeless...

One thing to understand on these threads... we all get involved and become friends and we look for each other....

Then, something happens... we get angry...

It's hard to explain..but..always expected...we don't get distant from you...we get close...and sometimes we say things and we have no idea we might be hurting! It's called a pursecution triangle...we love so much that we depend and, if something is wrong...we get mad...?

Can't believe it?

It will!

But...on this sight...we all should know this happens..come back later and ask are you there?

I will.

ive havent cut myself for 3 days now, but that will change 2nite.... like u i love the sense of relief cutting gives me, but unlike u ,and most people, i dont hate cutting myself up. im glad im doing it, bcuz the pain and cuts arent just 2 relieve me of stress, and stuff. the cuts and pain are for HIM and what he did 2 me. i can only dream that these marks are scaring him 2...a few weeks ago i made a 6 inch long cut that i though would go nicely along his throat.....

So this is a form of revenge. Revenge is an illness of the mind. Prevention of self mutilation isn't really my area of expertise, but I know there are people here who can help you find a better means. Perhaps if it helps you could try something different, like perhaps drawing on yourself? Talk about a mind-block... :/