How do you feel today? *may trigger

Um we're like hitting ourself and stuff okay I'm doing it gee yeah okay so yeah we're like hitting ourself but it don't like hurt or nothing. And yes Steph I know you gonna see this when you are like in here as you know who and you're gonna see it and you'll be like all what the hell but okay okay we're not going to do it much.

We just feel so messed up inside our head. That's all. and feel stupid and stuff.

Okay we're done promise won't hit again. Promise.

Sabrina and Stefanie

I hope this finds you feeling better, hugs!

I had someone comment on my scars the other day and saying I 'have to get them covered!
I didn't say anything but the more I think about it the more angry I am. I'm not ashamed of them, I wouldnt be the person I am today without them. Yes I wish I'd never done it in the first place but I did.
OK rant over.... I haven't self harmed in ages now, things have been going so well

Willow

Excellent to hear, WW! About not harming, that is!

And... they are what they are (the scars). They're... not to call attention to oneself, but they do feel as if they're 'earned', maybe?

And... meh I don't remember much of hitting ourselves in the head so I guess it's all good.

Popping in to say hello.

It’s been a while!

I’m 22 months self harm free. I think I scared myself and the medics last time too much, but I am very grateful to the NHS for what they did. I have also admitted recently that sh is my addiction. I think admitting I’m an addict has been a huge thing for me. I recently wrote the whole process of my self injury out, from start to finish. I reread it and thought ‘sh1t, I’m an addict’

I’ve only had a quick read through some of the posts here and also on the forum. I don’t have any replies for anyone just now, but want to say, talk it out rather than act on it. Give yourself time, as in wait before acting on the urges. Allow time to seek help whether it be here or in 3D. Do some exercise. Go for a walk, run, bike ride.... anything to help distract. I know it’s one of the hardest things to do, when all you want to do is hurt yourself, but as someone who has hurt herself for approximately 30 years it does help. Exercise can help release some of the anger and hurt we’re feeling, reducing the urge to inflict an injury... keep supporting each other.

SO so very good to hear from you- and that you're doing better. That really warms my heart and hearing something good lately has become a precious commodity. Thank you very much for updating us, and congratulations on 22 months! Woot!

And yes, I agree it's an addiction- fortunately for me I didn't get too addicted to it- but enough that sometimes it tugs at you- just like I used to occasionally smoke, and still sometimes get a yen for tobacco. It doesn't take much, to get addicted to something. Glad to hear you're doing so well with it and hugs...

It is wonderful to hear from you Smurf. Congratulations on 22 months. That is amazing. You've come a long, long way.

It is an addiction, and the reasons why get lost. Sounds like you've made some giant leaps forward. Really glad you are doing so well- sending hugs.

I’m very confused tonight. I’m not able to explain it or why.

A couple of months ago I self harmed again. I’m classing it as minor blip, but , maybe it would help focus me just now. So many consequences though.

Hugs!

My own self harm was... very light, compared with most of the folks here. Light, or not, I remember it being really hard to stop, and even after a long time, when things would stress me in just the right way (the way associated with using self-harm to deal with it), I remember the way the urge to do so felt. Heck I can feel it as I write this, even though I actually aren't wanting to self-harm. Just the 'longing' sensation. The same sensation I get when I miss tobacco. Or alcohol.

Sorry to hear you slipped, but seriously when something has been such a crutch for so very long, it's unreasonable to expect perfection from oneself. I think particularly with self-harm, although I can't quite say why. Perhaps because unlike drugs or booze, it's an attempt to exert control on oneself. Not lose control.

Or maybe that's all just smoke out of my butt. That's what it seems like to me, anyway.

I remember self-harming for 'focus'. I'm glad you consider it a blip and not beating yourself up over it, but of course please try not to do any more.

What's confusing for you, at the moment? Anything you care to talk about?

After a full week of not SHing, I did it again yesterday. I had purposefully been doing it lightly since I started back up again this year to feel like i wasn't "really" SHing, but yesterday I did it worse. It was halfway on purpose and halfway by accident (because I had to be quick about it). Now I feel compelled to do it again and worse yet. My SH has been extensive and left more significant scars than in anyone else I know that does or used to SH, but it has never been bad enough that it landed me in the hospital. I've always been afraid to reach that point but at the same time I feel an itch for it as if "if I do it bad enough I'll prove I'm suffering for real". But really I have no one to prove that to but myself. I continue to feel like I'm not "actually" that bad despite all the evidence (including the fact I started SHing again at all). But I think worse than that is how much I've become reliant on SH again. I feel like I can't stop because I have nothing else to rely on.

Hugs

I'm sorry you're struggling with this. Please make sure you get your cuts looked at if they need it.

I understand the needing to prove things and the doing it badly/not badly enough. It's a slippery slope to be on- any self harming means you're struggling, and comparing to other people and how/how much they harm is a dangerous place to be in- I have been there too, and it's really not productive.

Are there any alternatives that usually work for you? There is a thread here cutting-self-injury/topic152642.html that might help. I used to find that the biggest thing was distraction, and bargaining with time- getting through the next hour without harming, or down to ten minutes, or two minutes, whatever timeframe I needed it to be at that time.

Please stay safe.

Hugs
Lily