How do you feel today? *may trigger

That's good to hear I'm glad for that WW that's really great!


##stephanie##

Hi willow! It's difficult for me to empathize bcuz I've never had anger management issues, but punching a wall doesn't seem like the best idea. I'd recommend investing in a new pair of boxing gloves. But then again, bottling intense feelings in is an even worse idea.

SH is like a ritual to me too, Jessica. It's not as weird or uncommon as you think. I usually have to do it the right way, too, sometimes even going as far as tracing over fading scars exactly. Good to hear you did it lightly, didn't go too far overboard.

I always beat myself up for relapsing, to me it's always a failure.

ArchCannon wrote:Hi willow! It's difficult for me to empathize bcuz I've never had anger management issues, but punching a wall doesn't seem like the best idea. I'd recommend investing in a new pair of boxing gloves. But then again, bottling intense feelings in is an even worse idea.

SH is like a ritual to me too, Jessica. It's not as weird or uncommon as you think. I usually have to do it the right way, too, sometimes even going as far as tracing over fading scars exactly. Good to hear you did it lightly, didn't go too far overboard.

I always beat myself up for relapsing, to me it's always a failure.

But it's like a failure that can't be helped sometimes. I mean if you do it every day over and over yeah sure you're supposed to feel bad about it, but if you go like you know a week or two or even if you went like, months and months, then suddenly did it, what's the big deal? Seems like to me the only big deal is either making it a big deal, which might make you sad then you want to do it again- or jumping right back into doing it all the time.

But we're like oh well let's try not to do that again for a while. Cause we think if we get too mad at ourself, then that's liable to just make us want to do it more, since self-punishment is so wrapped up in self-harm for us. So for us, the best thing to do is yeah we regret it but we're not going to like just beat ourself up cause it was maybe just once or twice in a long time and we know we can go a long time again, and it's not like we ain't already got marks on us yeah? I mean we already dinged up the model it's not like we can take it back to the showroom now. So it's like we're an old truck that's already banged up, long as we ain't runnin' no demolition derby in it (self harming every day) then what's another dent every so often? There's just too many other things in our life to worry about.

Hugs!

##Stephanie##

-- Sat Nov 07, 2020 2:27 pm --

Oh and I wanted to add that banged up old trucks can be beautiful in a way. Cause it adds to a person's story and shows just how complex they are. Not that that's an excuse to hurt yourself but if we ever like knew someone in the 3d that had like SH scars or something we'd be like sad they done it but we'd be like yeah we know how you feel and sometimes there is beauty in sadness.

Cause maybe sometimes you can see more of the person underneath. Which I guess seems really retarded, 'cause from a Normie point of view we'd be like are you kidding my what the hell did you think you were doing! but we know sometimes for some of us- like us- things just get really hard to deal with and it's like you got to do something about it. Just shouldn't be hurting the body.

##Stephanie##

Perhaps you have a point, but whenever I go without SH for say, 3 or 4 months (which happens) and then relapse, I feel like I've forfeited all this time and didn't get forward anywhere.
Lately I've been thinking about autumn (or fall, if you will). You know, leaves falling, crumbling and then dying. It makes me think about passing, and reminds me that inevitably, this is what happens to all of us.

Autumn is our favorite time of year, well, most of us.

I know it seems like you forfeited all that time, but really, did you? That was 3 or 4 months that you didn't SH! that's pretty good. Seems to me, the most important thing is just not to go back to doing it a lot. Once, twice, a few times, every few months, is a lot better than just doing it. So I don't get too upset at relapsing. I hate thinking anyone feels as if it was a waste, because very day you don't SH is not a waste.

Ive been doing pretty well recently. I put a picture of someone who means the world to me beside the item i use to self harm with and it has really helped. I know it wont always work and i will probably have set backs but ive been working on not beating myself up over it.

willow

Oh wow that is a brilliant idea, WW!

Most of our harming was at work- that wouldn't have been practical (literally surrounded by the thing I used to burn with) but that is a very excellent idea I'm not sure I've seen anyone suggest that in forums. I just checked the sticky- it is obliquely mentioned via if you're feeling lonely, look at.. things special to you such as pictures. But I really like that idea!

Thanks Snaga,
It was actually an idea given to me by my counsellor. I hadnt thought of it either but yeh, it seems to be helping so far.

willow

<3

The next version of PF has Likes for posts, if I'm not mistaken. And better Emojis.

Until then that will have to do

Im better than i have been in a while. Things were tough there for a bit but im coming through it.