How do you feel today? *may trigger

Hmmm but that then tempts you to do more, yes? At least that's the first thing that popped into my mind, reading it... the thing that made me slow down, is mine became noticeable, so I was compelled to end it, lest I got too much attention. And once I'd managed to stop it a while, it got a lot easier for me to not give in to the occasional urge.

Mind you, I don't beat myself up for slipping, when I do- it's rare enough I don't really count it as falling off the horse too bad. I just understand I can't make a habit of it, as I used.

Not really, if the person noticing isn't someone really very important to me idgaf if it's seen. And I don't have such people where I live now.
I know it sounds weird, but I kind of like the aesthetic, so places where I can view the scars easily myself is good.

ArchCannon wrote:I know it sounds weird, but I kind of like the aesthetic, so places where I can view the scars easily myself is good.

It's not weird. I think for some, the desire is to wear outwardly, symbols of the angst within, yes? At least, I have felt that desire a time or two- always very overpowered, however, by the desire to avoid attention.

Today hasnt been too good tbh.

Something happened which made me really angry and i punched a wall. If my hand is no better by tomorrow i might need a trip to a & e.
I definitely wouldnt recommend hitting a wall! Im calm now though and im taking things easy.

willow

Ouch baby girl! No wall punching....

I have... done similar things before. Last thing I punched was unfortunately a shoddily-constructed hollow door. It still has a hole in it.

Hopefully your hand will be better in the morning! If not, well, we all lose our temper. I've known people who have bought yard-sale crockery, for the express purpose of using it to vent anger. I... did some breaking when my mother passed- I was feeling some anger and perhaps even a little resentment at her death, and as I was cleaning her place out, I intentionally broke a few items of no sentimental value. It sounds juvenile, but it needed to come out. As a child, I would hold frustration then let it out via minor destruction. Not as a rule, but when things in the home got too extreme, it had to come out somehow. It horrified my parents, of course. I'm still surprised they didn't send me to therapy over that- it might not have been a bad idea.

Very odd that this only came to me, but I did in fact self harm today- or began to, anyway. I had completely forgotten about it, but I was ... cannot give details, that's right- it involved some scalding water. We are, after all, primarily a burner. We didn't carry it to blister territory, so it was light. I think that's allowed to say. We wanted to do more, however. No real reason for it, just feeling the urges for no reason we can figure- it's just kind of hit us. Will have to resist that, the rest of tonight.

I'm not even sure now how we found ourselves looking at this thread! Odd.

Snaga wrote:I've known people who have bought yard-sale crockery, for the express purpose of using it to vent anger. I... did some breaking when my mother passed- I was feeling some anger and perhaps even a little resentment at her death, and as I was cleaning her place out, I intentionally broke a few items of no sentimental value. It sounds juvenile, but it needed to come out. As a child, I would hold frustration then let it out via minor destruction. Not as a rule, but when things in the home got too extreme, it had to come out somehow. It horrified my parents, of course. I'm still surprised they didn't send me to therapy over that- it might not have been a bad idea.

I see where you are coming from, I always bottled it all up too then wrecked my entire bedroom when i was younger. I used to use boxing gloves when i got angry but i lost them. Maybe its time to invest in a new pair!

Jessica6 wrote:Very odd that this only came to me, but I did in fact self harm today- or began to, anyway. I had completely forgotten about it, but I was ... cannot give details, that's right- it involved some scalding water. We are, after all, primarily a burner. We didn't carry it to blister territory, so it was light. I think that's allowed to say. We wanted to do more, however. No real reason for it, just feeling the urges for no reason we can figure- it's just kind of hit us. Will have to resist that, the rest of tonight.

I'm not even sure now how we found ourselves looking at this thread! Odd.

Did you manage to resist the rest of the night? I hope so!
I understand having no real reason but just getting urges, i get that too.

I hope you are feeling better.

willow

It's been a better day. The disassociation wasn't as bad- that was... discussed last nite- Sam was out, and told me she was going to try to attempt keeping everyone in today, and let me as host, have a bit of a respite. I've felt a lot more stable today.

I did have some minor urges. I.... played around idly with a little SH experimentation- at work, I'd have a very specific method of self-harm, and I imagine I'm not the only one, who finds themselves feeling that they must SH a certain way, like a ritual. If it's not using this, to this amount of severity, and in this pattern, well, it just isn't being done right! Am I the only one who finds themselves doing that?

But I doubt I even left a mark, so.. very, very light. I feel as if it's an alt wanting to do it, almost like it's a game to them. Not going to be dogmatic about that- it's just a vague suspicion.

I AM feeling better, and thank you! It's you, however, that I'd like to see in a better place. I'm hoping you're able to go a while without, and heal up a bit. How's the hand doing?

Again, I flirted with burning, but without actually doing anything substantial. I think it's just general anxiety, especially with this maybe 'system' that I seem to be having revealed to me, and all my disassociation. I'm not going to stress out if I do some SH, as long as it's not severe enough for medical care. If it happens, it does. I'm not going to go out of my way to do it, but I'm not going to beat myself up over it, if it happens, as long as I don't have to go have it checked out.

I hope you are feeling better and are managing to resist urges. Hugs!

I have been doing better thankfully